to be bit upset with dsis re food?

(405 Posts)
wandafull Mon 25-May-15 15:14:37

Just had dsis and her family
- her dh and two dc- to stay for bank holiday weekend, plus had another ffriend, her family, same number of kids. So, busy house. Dsis sits me down just before she left and told me as nicely as possible that the food situation was a 'bit weird'. To give a bit of context , I was always overweight as a child and this continued into adulthood- really had to do portion control and had a personal trainer for a while to drop down a size. Anyway, I have two dds and definitely do not want them to be over weight. So, they get good healthy three meals a day but no snacks in between. I don't offer snacks to other kids either, when they are here and don't give them it if they ask. Otherwise my dds get very upset when they are not allowed but others are. So I suppose I'm quite careful with adult portions of food now I've lost the weight- as has dh too- and I don't make piles of food when we have guests. Dsis basically told me that her dc were hungry and grumpy and that she hadn't had enough to eat and that it was weird that I offered so little food! She was nice about it but it's got me really quite worried- I offered guests and kids cereal for breakfast at sevenish, then nothing till lunch at 1 and then nothing till kids tea a 5 and adult dinner at 9Ish. Is that weird?

WorldsBiggestGrotbag Mon 25-May-15 15:16:53

Well I do think it's rude to not give guests food if they're hungry, sorry. I hate going to someone else's house, being hungry and not feeling like I can ask for something to eat. Offering food, and making sure guests aren't hungry, is a sign of being a good host.

Sirzy Mon 25-May-15 15:17:02

Could your sister not have got some food if they were hungry?

But looking at your wider post be careful that you don't give your children issues with food by being so restrictive. The odd snack, or few days of "bad" food won't harm anyone

BillThePony Mon 25-May-15 15:18:28

I wouldn't be able to go 1pm-9pm with no food. Or 7am-1pm, I would be starving.

I eat snacks in between and am in no way overweight

grabaspoon Mon 25-May-15 15:19:28

Not weird perse - if it works for you then fine

However I would have been hungry -

Breakfast- 1 bowl of cereal - I tend to have some cereal and toast about 730/8ish
Lunch - 12.30/1ish
Supper - 6/7ish

I may also have some fruit/rice cake throughout the day

jorahmormont Mon 25-May-15 15:19:54

I think 1 til 9 is a bit much even for adults if no snacks in between.

I'd also worry that you're making food into an issue for yourself and DC.

NurseRoscoe Mon 25-May-15 15:20:01

To be honest I think she is right. Snacks don't have to be biscuits, cakes and crisps. There is nothing wrong with an apple or cereal bar or something.

BalconyBill Mon 25-May-15 15:20:48

Yep, very weird! Cereal is a rubbish breakfast and then you left them for 6 hours without any food and then 8 hours till dinner for the adults shock! My DD would have been ripping people's heads off after that long without food.

If you want to eat that way, that is up to you, but to inflict it on your guests is not very polite.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Mon 25-May-15 15:20:53

In the nicest possible way I think your dsis may have a point, it does sound quite restrictive imo.

RainbowFlutterby Mon 25-May-15 15:21:30

Tbh being so restrictive with guests' food is a bit weird.

And I also think that you aren't helping your daughters have a healthy view of food.

Paddingtonthebear Mon 25-May-15 15:21:33

How old are her DC? Tbh I would be hungry if going 6+ hours between meals. My toddler definitely would want/need something between meal times too.

AuntyMag10 Mon 25-May-15 15:21:38

I agree with your dsis. It seems like your food issues are being projected onto your kids. No snacks in between? Snacks don't have to be unhealthy. However it was rude to not offer the other kids anything though. Did you decide portions sizes for everyone there?

arethereanyleftatall Mon 25-May-15 15:21:40

I think ywbu.
Many (most?)kids would be used to breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner. Even if the snack is a bit if fruit. I think it's really unfair to deny a child who would be used to say having an orange at ten am, an orange. When you host, you should respond to guests needs.

LazyLouLou Mon 25-May-15 15:21:47

For most people 6 hours on a bowl of cereal would be unsustainable. That's a whole working day without food, iyswim.

The adults have to wait another 8 hours for tea/dinner.

Seriously, I think your dsis was trying very hard to start an uncomfortable conversation with you. The snapshot you have posted does sound as though you are over controlling access to food/portion sizes.

Maybe you could call her and arrange to have another discussion about it. Find out what she considers normal. If she and hers are not overweight you might be surprised at the difference between the amount of food you now eat.

Or find a local dietician, GP referral possibly. Discuss sensible food options. But, form the limited info you have given, I would give serious thought to what your sister said. You said she was nice, she is obviously worried.

Good luck.

TwinkieTwinkle Mon 25-May-15 15:22:05

You are in danger of passing on incredibly negative eating habits to your children. You mention they would be upset if others got to snack, they are clearly already having issues with your strict regime.

lottiesatitagain Mon 25-May-15 15:22:53

What age are her dc? My young dc would have been starving. They always have (fruit, yoghurt) snacks between meals.

CactusAnnie Mon 25-May-15 15:23:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThinkIveBeenHacked Mon 25-May-15 15:23:28

I think when you have guests to stay, especially those with kids,you need to relax your own rules for the weekend. How sad for your girls that they cant have a snack at all between meals. Not even a bowl of grapes or a bit of cheese and crackers?

Weekends like this should be fun. A bowl of popcorn with a movie or an ice cream at the park.

I think your previous issues are creating a problem in the here and now.

DamsonInDistress Mon 25-May-15 15:23:37

I'd say it's very restructive yes. Personally I'd quite likely faint if I hadn't eaten for eight hours from lunch, and I'd also feel ill if all I had for breakfast was a single bowl of cereal and nothing else till lunch. Given that your sister felt strongly enough to actually say something about it soaks volumes, most people would suffer in grim silence rather than risk upsetting the status quo so I think you should try and consider very carefully how you provide food for guests in the future.

Mistigri Mon 25-May-15 15:23:58

It does sound weird and excessively controlling I'm afraid :-/

I live in a culture where people don't generally snack much, but even here it would be rare for an adult to go from 1pm to 9pm without eating.

It sounds like you are projecting your own problems with food onto others and making it more, not less, likely that your own kids will have issues.

DoJo Mon 25-May-15 15:24:01

You may be keen to control your portion sizes, but I don't think it's appropriate to impose that on guests in your home. Surely you can make food available to guests without it being unhealthy and a child asking for something to eat doesn't have to have a biscuit or nothing. How old are the children involved?

SkodaLabia Mon 25-May-15 15:24:12

Are you my sister? She does that eight hour gap between lunch and dinner, I've surprised I haven't murdered her in a hunger driven halitosis rage.

I agree, it's most unbecoming when visitors' kids ask for food - we had one visit recently who asked what was in the fridge four times in an hour and a half - and a regime of non-snacking is good.

However, the meals need to be big enough and close enough together to enable this.

ByeFelicia Mon 25-May-15 15:24:24

If you're concerned about the effects of bad snacking, maybe keep your fruit bowl stocked and have something like crackers or nuts available. That way your guests shouldn't go hungry between meals.

gamerchick Mon 25-May-15 15:24:55

6 hours between cereal and lunch for a kid would be a bit too long I think. Cereal on its own doesn't fill you up for that long. There's no way I could go between 1 - 9 imbetween meals and I'm not a big eater.

Even though that's your way it may not be for other people, you should have offered more food in case people were hungry.

NeedsAsockamnesty Mon 25-May-15 15:24:58

I quite agree with you. I feel disinclined to contribute towards the over eating that lots of people do so would do meals in much the same way. I would how ever have a open access fruit bowl as well

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