to not want to hear about db and sil's sex life and certainly not want to be patronised about it?

(31 Posts)
KindergartenKop Mon 25-May-15 10:22:11

Db and his gf (sil for the purposes of mn) have been together for a couple of years. I think they met on the internet and share a group of mutual friends who enjoy the same sexual practices. They are always mentioning how they are into sub/dom stuff, bondage etc. Recently they were telling us all about a wedding they went to and then showed me a video of the dancing where half the people were naked, though not sil (db was filming!), this led to db going on about how this is great and how he knows all the names of the naked women! I'm not being prudish, I love naked, but I don't want to know so , much about their sex lives.
To add insult to ewwwness then sil goes on about how dh and I are innocent, we don't need to be sullied by all of this information! As if dh and I are 12! I am aware of a wide range of kinky sex stuff and as long as it's consensual then thats fine but I don't want to hear any details of their sex life, nor do I feel it necessary to share mine. Aibu?

Nolim Mon 25-May-15 10:25:29

Omg

WorldsBiggestGrotbag Mon 25-May-15 10:27:17

YADNBU. Each to their own and all that, but no need to go on about it. The patronising stuff would piss me off most I think. Sounds like they think they're really 'alternative' and everyone else is dull. Id tell them that they're the dull ones for going on about it all the time!

ThePinkOcelot Mon 25-May-15 10:28:02

Dancing naked at a wedding?!! Gross! I think I wud have turned around to her and said, no you are right there, we certainly don't!

turningvioletviolet Mon 25-May-15 10:29:38

No. Nope. You are not being unreasonable. I always think people who need to brag about their sex lives are not having nearly so much fun as they like you to think they're having.

KindergartenKop Mon 25-May-15 10:34:02

Db is really a show off about it. Sil less so, I think she realises I don't want to know. But it's dbs first proper relationship and I think it's still a bit of a novelty to him.

KindergartenKop Mon 25-May-15 10:34:54

Also, don't film naked people and then show it to strangers, that's not on!

MrsNextDoor Mon 25-May-15 10:36:54

Oh Lordy I think you need to have a STRONG word with them. Just say "We really don't want to hear ANYTHING about your sexual preferences or adventures so in future, keep it to yourself."

And if they laugh ignore them but the moment they talk about it again, ask them to leave.

I don't think it's healthy and they're pushing boundaries...it's your BROTHER FFS! That's a bit warped.

flora717 Mon 25-May-15 10:38:24

I'd tell your brother he needs to work on his self esteem, bragging about your sex life shows massive insecurity and detailing his sex life to family members is inappropriate. Showing people videos of naked people uninvited is very rude and that you're glad he's not your friend as filming in bdsm contexts is very frowned upon.

Finola1step Mon 25-May-15 10:39:17

Aww, shucks. DB has gone and got himself a gf and wants to share with the world. In more ways than one, possibly.

Leave them to it but make it very clear that you find it odd that a brother wants to share info about his sex life with his own sister. That might shut them up.

reni1 Mon 25-May-15 10:40:31

How dreadful. Threaten to treat them to a slide show of your sex life if it does not stop?

Seriously, do tell them they must stop this, I'm sure it is consensual on their part, but it is not on yours.

ollieplimsoles Mon 25-May-15 10:41:07

Why do they feel the need to brag?? I think thats weird, ok if other people also enjoyed talking about it with them then great, but you clearly don't!

So they come across as willing to tell anyone who will listen about their sexual practices, strange in my view.

SnakeyMcBadass Mon 25-May-15 10:42:04

I have friends that have recently done similar to us. The discomfort and urge to bath in bleach is still with me. Sympathies.

WhereYouLeftIt Mon 25-May-15 10:43:19

"They are always mentioning how they are into sub/dom stuff, bondage etc."
Time to respond with a head tilt, sympathetic look, and the response "and is there nothing else in your life, is sex all you have?", preferably in a tone of voice that drips pity.

"But it's dbs first proper relationship and I think it's still a bit of a novelty to him."
Ooh, that did bring to mind Monty Python, Eric Idle's 'nudge,nudge,wink,wink' sketch grin.

Birdsgottafly Mon 25-May-15 10:43:36

Your DB has a lot of growing up to do, he's behaving like a teen boy that has found porn for the first time.

It's disgusting that they are sharing what goes on in the meets and showing pictures/videos. It's part of the "rules".

You need to tell both of them straight.

KindergartenKop Mon 25-May-15 10:45:09

Well db has never been diagnosed with aspergers but I'm pretty sure he has it (I work in education and see loads of kids just like him but with a asd diagnosis) so he's not very socially aware and I think he can't hear himself showing off. Also he spent his 20s in front of a computer screen in my mums back bedroom so the novelty of having a gf is pretty exciting I think.

BeCool Mon 25-May-15 10:45:34

The only people who have ever gone on to me about their sex life's have been people into Dom / sub stuff.

Why do they do it? Feel the need? I think they deludedly believe they have the most special sex lives and the rest of us are missing out. Or they want to shock us?

Well I'm not and I'm not. And I'd much rather you keep it to yourselves thanks.

Op YADNBU!

BeCool Mon 25-May-15 10:47:26

Usually accompanied with some snickering. Yuk!

FryOneFatManic Mon 25-May-15 10:48:13

Despite the BDSM, it strikes me as if it's the DB who's the innocent one in some ways. He's trying so desperately to show off how cool he is.

He and his GF have probably not realised that most people are simply not vocal about how sexually experienced they are, and they might just know more about BDSM that they're saying.

TattyDevine Mon 25-May-15 10:48:21

Ugh I have experienced a version of this.

One friend has been with her husband for quite a while, coming up to 20 years, and they have had their fair share of "rough times" in the relationships. But she has a habit of getting all passionate and lovey-dovey towards him when she's had a few drinks. Fine, but when you are halfway through a conversation and she starts snogging him and grinding against his crotch it can be off-putting so one time I said, "ooh do you two need a room or something?" in a light hearted voice. Next thing you know she's saying "Tatty has issues with the fact that I have a good relationship with my husband". WTF? I couldn't be happier for her that things are going well but I don't need the live sex show either. Sheesh!

Birdsgottafly Mon 25-May-15 10:48:45

Also, those seriously into Sub/Dom are big on respecting boundaries, he isn't respecting or maintaining the boundaries of others, especially yours.

I hope he's found out quickly and thrown off the scene.

suzannecanthecan Mon 25-May-15 10:49:15

cringe cringe cringe

suzannecanthecan Mon 25-May-15 10:50:46

just trying way too hard
I feel embarrassed for them

flora717 Mon 25-May-15 10:52:17

If he has ASD and this is his first relationship then definitely affirm your boundaries about what is and is not OK to share.

MrsNextDoor Mon 25-May-15 10:55:30

I think given the ASD possiblity that you should have a word with him about boundaries...explain that this isn't ok to talk about...

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