Am I overreacting about this, is teh school reponse reasonable?

(38 Posts)
crayola8 Sun 24-May-15 15:03:23

I have name changed for this because eit will out me.
Last week my daughter came hom efrom school extremely distressed.
Whilst they were supposed to be dping a worksheet, a group of girls in one of her classes drew a picture of a naked woman (The picture was a stick drawing with massive boobs and nipples, and lots of pubic hair) They folded the paper up and wrote on the outside ' The picture is Minicrayola' and circulated it round the class.DD said everybody was laughing and looking at her but wouldn't tell her what was on the paper.She found it at the end the class left on a table.
I emailed the school about the incident and the names of teh girls who she thought were responsible.Later in teh day teh school rang me up saying they had taken a statement from the girls and ranting and raving because DD had made a mistake with the names ie she had included one girl who DD had thought was involved in drawing it , and not named one girl who the others said was involved.
The girls were told off and lost the remainderof their lunchtime after they had written the statement.The school then emailed me 'The girls were in a lunchtime detention this afternoon, and have been reminded of our expectations in school. Namely that we expect students to be learning in lessons, and not involved in off-task behaviours.'
I am fuming mad that the (male) teacher regards not concentrationg on lesons to be the issue here, more than humiliating a shy pubescent girl.

pinkyredrose Sun 24-May-15 15:07:33

YANBU. This is bullying and the girls need to learn the massive and long lasting impact that bullying can have, this type of behaviour needs stamping out early.

CamelHump Sun 24-May-15 15:07:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

26Point2Miles Sun 24-May-15 15:08:08

Wouldn't the 'schools expectations' cover that?

Icimoi Sun 24-May-15 15:08:17

"Fuming mad" is definitely overreacting. Just email the school to ask for a copy of the bullying policy (or check whether they've posted in online), and contact the head as soon as they go back after half term and ask whether you have misunderstood what the teacher said and for confirmation that they have recorded and dealt with this as a bullying incident and, if so, how.

aintgonnabenorematch Sun 24-May-15 15:09:46

What do you think is significant about it being a male teacher?

ilovesooty Sun 24-May-15 15:09:50

What form did the ranting and raving take? What would you like them to do, specifically? I take it you'd like some anti bullying intervention which has would not be unreasonable.

I'm sorry your daughter was upset: it sounds very unpleasant.

crayola8 Sun 24-May-15 15:10:24

No I am not unhappy about th punishment.It is the fact he is insinuating teh issue is messing about in lessons rather bullying.

CamelHump Sun 24-May-15 15:10:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FrameItWhite Sun 24-May-15 15:10:38

IME schools often 'miss the point' when parents report a bullying incident and either blame the bullied child or make a half hearted attempt to punish the bullies for something else....

ilovesooty Sun 24-May-15 15:12:01

It does need to be recorded as bullying but escalating it might be counter productive for your daughter.

It should be dealt with the same whatever the gender of the teacher 1 I think that's irrelevant.

crayola8 Sun 24-May-15 15:12:55

Maybe fuming is too strong a word for it, and it seems perhaps I am being a little oversensitive. Maybe I am projecting I would be mortified if some body had done this to me when I was 13/14.
Would it be different if boys had drawn the picture, and if so why?

CamelHump Sun 24-May-15 15:13:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Strictly1 Sun 24-May-15 15:19:43

It was an incredibly unkind and cruel thing to do but was it bullying? Has it happened more than once, not necessarily the same thing but the same girls instigating cruel behavior or was it the first time?

Birdsgottafly Sun 24-May-15 15:23:48

They've managed to not admit they had a bullying incident take place.

It's a very serious form of bullying and they should of assured you that this was addressed.

Your not wrong to be upset.

Tbh, I always wonder why parents aren't informed, if my DDs were involved in anything like this, I would want to know (my youngest is 17 though).

Are you talking to your DD About the sexist nature of this type of attack and the issues the bully must have etc?

All you can ever do is constantly work on your DDs self esteem and understand that those who attack others in this way are to be pitied.

Birdsgottafly Sun 24-May-15 15:25:14

I don't literally mean "all you can do", you should address this with the school.

It doesn't have to happen more than once to be bullying.

Longtalljosie Sun 24-May-15 15:26:01

Yes - public humiliation would definitely count as bullying. And I think you're right, they're trying to record it as something else. A follow up letter is replied, copying in the headteacher and asking for their anti-bullying policy, I'd say...

CamelHump Sun 24-May-15 15:26:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Longtalljosie Sun 24-May-15 15:27:00

Sorry - a letter is *required

Topseyt Sun 24-May-15 15:28:09

I think it sounds as though the teacher hopes he has dealt with it, but as with all else, time will tell if more needs to be done. He gave a detention. He reminded them of behavioural expectations.

What more do you want him to do? He has perhaps kept back a few bigger guns to fire at a later date if necessary (contacting parents etc.).

He can't do it all at once or there will be nothing effective left for later. Hopefully it won't be needed, but if it is then it is there.

No need to be fuming. Just keep an eye on your DD and ensure things have settled down.

I would thank him for his support and efforts. Say that you will keep him in the picture if your DD has any further trouble so that further appropriate action can be taken if deemed necessary.

CamelHump Sun 24-May-15 15:36:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Birdsgottafly Sun 24-May-15 15:42:02

Do the girls have a PSD type lesson? this behaviour wether the instigater or victim, should be explained for what it is.

If you want help to what to say to the school, I would go onto the Feminist board.

WhirlpoolGalaxyM51 Sun 24-May-15 15:45:16

Surely some of the tone of this was set by the school having a go at the OP because her DD hadn't correctly identified all of the girls who did it. I find it odd the school would be angry with the OP and / or her DD for this, it doesn't make sense, I can't think what their motive was there.

If that were me that would confuse me and put me on the defensive and I'd be less likely to believe that they were taking it seriously IYSWIM.

crayola8 Sun 24-May-15 16:21:26

they said that it was not fair that the girl who was named had not had a hand in it and had actually stopped to stop the others and tried to make me feel guilty that she had been in floods of tears.Also it was not fair to teh others that DD had not named one girl who had been responsible.I questioned DD about this but she said she was focussing on doing her worksheet and was only aware that teh note originated from a certain area of the room.I did say firmly to the school that I would not blame deflected onto the victim.
In the schools defence they did say that any unpleasantness coming to DD from trying to resolve this issue should be eported to them immediately.i think the school dealt with it well and at that age (Y9) kids don't really know what they are doing.
I am just annoyed that the email from the school's email disregards the humiliation and distress caused to a young girl coming to terms with a ' new' body and focuses on wasting learning time.It kind of feels as though they are denying the validity of DDs upset.

nornironrock Sun 24-May-15 16:36:10

You're absolutely right to be annoyed by this. I would be had my daughter been on the wrong end of that kind of behaviour.

I do need to ask though - why is the gender of the teacher relevant?

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