To leave my job over this ?

(38 Posts)
What2donowandthen Wed 20-May-15 18:57:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MerryKat Wed 20-May-15 19:10:46

YABU to quit!! Hold your head high. People will think badly of her for gossiping about you if she spills your secret. Obviously I don't know what she knows but unless you are a secret murderer I'm sure it will be fine. I feel for you it must be worrying but don't give her the power. If you don't care who she tells then she has nothing to use against you. Everybody has things they'd rather people didn't know about them! smile

What2donowandthen Wed 20-May-15 19:19:11

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icelollycraving Wed 20-May-15 19:23:56

Are you a swinger? <flippant>
Don't run away from her,if you do leave.the rumours would be far worse.flowers

RinkRashDerbyKisses Wed 20-May-15 19:24:29

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PlumFairy2014 Wed 20-May-15 19:36:42

Don't quit!

She certainly won't create a great impression by going in gossiping. She sounds awful.

As people have said unless you have an incredibly shady past (drug lord?!), I wouldn't worry. I'm sure people have seen worse at the Christmas dos.... smile

sharonthewaspandthewineywall Wed 20-May-15 19:38:58

Who knows hopefully she may have changed and feels bad for how she treated youthanks

What2donowandthen Wed 20-May-15 20:02:41

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riverboat1 Wed 20-May-15 20:12:06

Has she been out and out nasty to you, like she takes pleasure in using you / ditching you / calculatedly telling others what you don't want them to know? Or is she more the weak type who has more been cowardly/disloyal in slinking away from your friendship and then weakly spilling your secrets to others because she didn't have the willpower to keep them?

If the latter I'd consider talking to her maybe...in a professional context, making clear you value your career and relationship with your colleagues and expect her not to gossip about you any more.

If the former...I don't know. You definitely shouldn't quit, but you need to do some thinking.

ThenBellaDidSomethingVeryKind Wed 20-May-15 20:14:59

It obviously depends on what the secret is - but any possibility you could take back some of the power here, and find a way to share the secret on your own terms?

LaurieFairyCake Wed 20-May-15 20:15:44

I think you should consider disclosing it on here

These things get massively built up in our minds so we lose perspective - I have done 3 things in my life that make me cringe like crazy even 20 years later. Whenever I say them out loud everyone looks baffled and says that's not that bad, God you were obviously a bit pissed, everyone does something stupid when younger etc etc.

smile very rarely are our deepest thoughts about ourselves so terrible we can't share them

FarFromAnyRoad Wed 20-May-15 20:19:09

This thing she knows about you? Can it be proven? Because if not you have simply to wait until she spills and then act shocked and disbelieving and say you have no clue where she got such an idea from. Then everyone will know she is not only a gossip but a liar too. Job done. flowers

glitteryflange Wed 20-May-15 20:20:03

Don't quit!!!!

People show their true colours eventually. thanks

Aermingers Wed 20-May-15 20:24:18

I think it may potentially be worth discussing with your line manager. Tell them that you know this woman and that there have been issues between her. Don't go in saying you want to quit or with a negative attitude. Simply say that despite your issues outside work you are hopeful now you are working together you can be professional and civil. But say that you felt you should make them aware to protect yourself as she is in a more senior position. That you know there is possibly the potential for problems and in case any issues were raised about your performance or attitude you would want your line manager to know the situation so that they can make fully informed decisions.

What2donowandthen Thu 21-May-15 13:28:11

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What2donowandthen Thu 21-May-15 13:29:37

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LazyLouLou Thu 21-May-15 13:33:22

Should she divulge that, or anything even close, go to HR immediately and report it, in detail.

Meanwhile, hold your head up, you did nothing wrong. You may well feel humiliated but that has sod all to do with your professional persona, backbone set to steel and give her good eye contact!

Actually, you could always hope she does say something, within her trial period. Then you could go to HR and they could reconsider her employment quite easily.

Collaborate Thu 21-May-15 13:35:15

Is there anyone more senior than her who you could confide in? It would seem to me highly unprofessional for her to tell any of this to anyone at work.

flora717 Thu 21-May-15 13:35:41

She's definitely going to come over as an untrustworthy gossip if she comes out with that.

GreenAugustLion Thu 21-May-15 13:37:15

You can't get more gossip than in my workplace, it's rife.

But the majority isn't that interesting tbf. Something along the lines of 'did you know What2's husband cheated on her with her bf?!' would get a 'oh really? Well I never'...and I'd not think of it again.

Try to remember that although it's a big deal for you, other people aren't invested and won't actually care that much...that's meant in a comforting way btw!

What2donowandthen Thu 21-May-15 13:38:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Justusemyname Thu 21-May-15 13:38:07

Staying is harder. Be proud, not humiliated.

Stupid bitch. Her, obviously.

What2donowandthen Thu 21-May-15 13:40:15

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Stinkylinky Thu 21-May-15 13:41:54

I was in a similar position at work a few years ago, a girl who had tried to physically assault me got a job at my work. I was crazily anxious about it and dreaded going to work and even thought about quitting.

Funnily enough we ended up getting on well and I class her as a friend nowadays and put the past down to drunken immaturity.

Hopefully things will be okay for you like they were for me, don't rush into leaving your job over this though

3579little Thu 21-May-15 13:42:06

People will think she is a bitch for sharing that. They will think no less of you. Hold your head up, let them talk. If it ever gets back to you you could look astonished and deny it thus making her look flaky.

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