to not want to organise a collection at school again

(31 Posts)
Narnia72 Mon 18-May-15 16:12:11

I'm often the person who ends up organising collections and stuff at school. I hold back and wait for others to volunteer, but no-one else does.

I've just been organising a collection for a teacher who is leaving. I had to chase people several times for collection money - I had made it clear that it was entirely optional, as was the amount, but these were people who kept saying "oh sorry, remind me tomorrow, I do want to contribute I just keep forgetting".

Anyway, I did it, organised a personalised present from all the kids. Asked someone else to collect it, they still haven't - teacher leaving this week.

Sorted out a personalised photo card from the kids - put on our school parents fb page what I'd done - not a "look at me guys aren't I great" but just a summary of the presents, as not everyone knew what we were getting and asked people to make sure their kids signed the card. It really wasn't a stealth boast or anything.

2 people out of the class of 30 have liked the post, no-one, not one bugger has said "thanks for organising", either in person or on fb.

I am not going to do it again. It's hard work, and I hate being "that mum" in the playground that always chases people up. Some other mug can do the next one (which is coming up).

I don't need a big bouquet or a a three cheers for Narnia in the playground, but a little appreciation goes a long way.

If someone is organising a class collection please say thanks to them. It really is a thankless task and if they're doing it it means you don't have to!

WorraLiberty Mon 18-May-15 16:16:34

Tbh I never contribute to class collections as I prefer to buy something myself (or not as the case may be).

But I guess if you're going to contribute to a collection, then yes you should thank the person doing it.

I wouldn't bother any more if I were you though, then people can buy their own gifts.

WorraLiberty Mon 18-May-15 16:18:07

I'm often the person who ends up organising collections and stuff at school. I hold back and wait for others to volunteer, but no-one else does.

But reading this again, why do you volunteer just because no-one else does?

They're not compulsory.

calzone Mon 18-May-15 16:20:10

We have 20 members of staff leaving in July.......shockshockshock

It really is a thankless task being the collection person.

Yanbu.

Tequilashotsfor1 Mon 18-May-15 16:20:31

My nan does things like this. We call her martyr mary.

neolara Mon 18-May-15 16:22:48

Well I'd like to thank you on belt of all the people who haven't got around to doing so I love it when people offer to organise a collection. It makes my life much easier.

pocketsaviour Mon 18-May-15 16:25:34

2 people out of the class of 30 have liked the post, no-one, not one bugger has said "thanks for organising", either in person or on fb

Just on a technical note, facebook recently made some changes to the news feed which means posts from pages are much less likely to be seen unless a lot of people have already commented on it.

Narnia72 Mon 18-May-15 16:26:19

Worra - I've volunteered in the past because I was a SAHM and felt I had enough time to do it. People have just assumed I'll do it now I think. No longer!

Tequila - I really don't want to be a martyr mary, hence why I am stopping. I just needed a whinge. I thought the AIBU board was a good place to do it!

Ragwort Mon 18-May-15 16:28:04

These things are not compulsory - my DS has been at three different primary school and I have never been asked to contribute to a 'collection for a teacher's gift'.

Who is asking you to organise these collections? Next time you are asked just say 'no, I've organised the last three'.

If you want to contribute time and energy to the school it would be more effective to join the PTA or be a school governor.

SoozeyHoozey Mon 18-May-15 16:30:11

I honestly don't care about things like this so I wouldn't thank you for doing it because it's a meaningless task to me. Do it if you want but don't expect others to value it!

sharonthewaspandthewineywall Mon 18-May-15 16:31:23

Well don't then?
It's always the biggest creeps and kiss arses at my kids schools who take it upon themselves to do a collection then act all martyred/humbled about it.
Maybe parents would like to give their own individual gifts or shock horror not?

PtolemysNeedle Mon 18-May-15 16:31:28

You are doing it because you want to, not because you are obliged to. So while I'd say thank you if I wanted to buy a present and you'd save me a job, I don't think I'd thank you for taking it upon yourself to decide that X teacher needs a present from the children and that you expect people to contribute to a collection.

I can see that you think you're doing a nice thing, but really, you have no need to do it. There is a reason no one else volunteers. You doing it doesn't mean that someone else doesn't have to do it, because it's likely that not many people see it as something that needs to be done.

Ime, children sign a card/book at school for any teachers that are leaving or are having a special occasion. It's done in school time with another teacher or a TA organising it and then if any parents want to give something to the teacher then they can do so on their own.

Tequilashotsfor1 Mon 18-May-15 16:32:18

grin

The thing is because your so good at doing it and regulary, people expect you to do it with out recognition and stop seeing the amount of work put in which understandably pisses you off.

Here's wine for you rant smile

scoobydooagain Mon 18-May-15 16:32:44

Got to say I assumed you were a teacher collecting for a colleague from the title. I would never dream of a collection for a teacher who was leaving unless I was a fellow teacher. So I would imagine a fair few other parents feel there is absolutely no need for a collection, so if you want to volunteer, volunteer if not don't!

namechange0dq8 Mon 18-May-15 16:35:27

I've just been organising a collection for a teacher who is leaving.

How odd.

If their colleagues want to do it, fine. But parents? Seriously?

If you've got time on your hands to do this sort of stuff, become a governor or something worthwhile. But being a martyr about giving gifts to people who were, in the end, being paid to do a job seems a bit much. Are you going to do this when your child's at secondary and fifteen or twenty staff leave each year?

put on our school parents' fb page

Yuck. Is that a thing now? All the passive aggressive bullying of the school gate, without the chance to have a nice walk.

I hold back and wait for others to volunteer, but no-one else does.

So it doesn't get done, then: that no-one else stepped forward implies they don't see a need either.

Some other mug can do the next one

Or not. As the case may be.

If someone is organising a class collection please say thanks to them.

Why would I thank someone for something I don't see any need to do?

Narnia72 Mon 18-May-15 16:37:47

Neolara - thank you!!

Interesting pocketsaviour - sadly doesn't explain their complete lack of ability to say thank you when handing over their fiver in the playground though...

Ragwort - I'm on the PFA - having pressure put on me to be the chair, but things like this make me want to run in the opposite direction. I'm also the class parent rep and volunteer in school... - yes I clearly am that annoying mum

I am really happy to give up my time to help in whatever way I can, but when it's expected and even sneered at (possibly paranoia, but I always feel like some parents give me a wide berth because I am so involved - had a couple of snarky comments recently which haven't helped. I'm sure I come across as that annoying organising woman, although I really try and downplay my involvement in anything for precisely this reason. The annoying thing is, the mums who are sneery are people who are in situations where they could help a little bit - they just choose to roll their eyes and make comments about teachers' pets and the like.

springlamb Mon 18-May-15 16:39:02

I too thought this was a 'staff room' issue rather than a 'school gate' one. Just stop doing it and become very busy.
If a staff member you have particular regard for is leaving or getting married, send some flowers or a plant in with your child.

rookiemere Mon 18-May-15 16:40:27

I never do the class collection as I don't have the inclination to try and collect the money and I couldn't be bothered. I rarely see any of the DMs at the school gate anyhow so I'd have to try to get the money through DS.

If it didn't happen I'd just buy the teacher a gift card and a thank you note anyway, so to be honest it seems like a lot of faff for one person to try to sort out something that isn't in all honesty, strictly necessary.

I do however contribute in a timely fashion if someone else organises it, and I say thank you. I also organise a mums night out at least once a year so I feel I have done my bit. Some of the parents never do either of those things, so I don't feel guilty about it.

But yes organising thank you cards and presents is a tedious, thankless job. Have done it for a few contractors leaving our office, no one thanks you and all you get is grief if you don't send it on to all the right people. Have gone on strike for latest person leaving - they're going on Friday and nothing has been organised yet, but I'm fed up having to buy the fancy card, then circulating the envelope,going out to buy the present and then having to wrap it.

rookiemere Mon 18-May-15 16:42:34

Sorry I didn't read your OP properly - DS's job share left half way through last term, we didn't arrange a leaving present for her - she'd just received £250 in John Lewis vouchers at christmas time. Teachers get thank you cards at christmas and end of year from pupils parents, not when they leave.

Oh and has anyone ever noticed the amount of men that arrange these things - ZERO. See it at my work, hence why I'm going on strike about it.

nickersinaknot Mon 18-May-15 16:43:58

Yes sounds disappointing, how hard is it to like something on fb?!?

Think you're right though to step back, parents ime just can't be arsed with extra school stuff. They just want the bare minimum input, anything to do with the dc great, any collections/social things never wildly received.

Same as worra we just gave or didnt individually, depending on how good or crap they were. We've never had a parents fb page thank god, or any parents that want to do anything except get out of playground as fast as poss. We are a miserable bunch though grin

WorraLiberty Mon 18-May-15 16:44:18

Worra - I've volunteered in the past because I was a SAHM and felt I had enough time to do it.

No, you're missing my point.

My point is why does anyone have to do it, just because no-one's volunteered?

These class collections have become a bit like baby showers, where people feel some sort of duty to organise one, instead of just buying their own present/card like they used to.

Fine if everyone wants one, but the fact no-one volunteered would tell me they really weren't bothered.

Ragwort Mon 18-May-15 17:29:38

Yes sounds disappointing, how hard is it to like something on fb?!? - Very hard if you don't use FB grin.

Narnia - I would seriously give up on class/school collections, they are not necessary and you are obviously busy and involved with the PFA which is probably a lot more interesting and worthwhile. I always did a lot at my son's schools (four of them grin) and I know what you mean about being the 'annoying' mum - but I would never, ever involve myself in collections for teacher's presents - they are just not needed and we need to stop this excessive present giving culture.

Narnia72 Mon 18-May-15 17:30:02

Sorry to drip feed. Collections are what happens in our school. I didn't start it. Been happening for years. They are done usually for teachers leaving and for end of year.

Worra - everyone seems to want to have one, just no-one can be arsed to do it. This is usually how the discussion goes

x or y parent - is there a collection for Mrs teacher leaving
w parent - no, not yet, great idea
r, s,t etc parents - yes, we should do a collection

General murmurings about what a good idea it would be

On the Monday of the week in which said teacher is leaving

many parents - did anyone organise a collection? What a shame. Would have been really nice.

Teacher then bombarded with 30 boxes of choc, M&S bubble bath and a half eaten rice cake. Grimaces and says thank you politely.

Same thing also happens for group birthday presents for children. One I keep well out of, you'll doubtless be pleased to know.

wigglesrock Mon 18-May-15 17:49:10

But so what if the teacher gets 30 boxes of sweets or smelly candles? That's what I never understand about the point of class collections. If the teacher doesn't like the gift/doesn't eat sweets/ doesn't drink/doesn't want flowers, so be it, let them deal with it.

Although to be fair class collections, class reps etc just don't happen why I am, do it might just get something I don't get.

viva100 Mon 18-May-15 17:52:21

Stay out of it. I imagine quite a few parents don't really want to give anything really but they're a bit embarassed to say anything. I still remember how annoyed my mother was at every single effing collection for teachers. Hated it. Waste of money. But there were always a couple of parents who guilted all the others into it and she never had the guts to say anything as 1)she was afraid that I'd get bullied and 2)she didn't want to be excluded from the parent circle. Maybe it's the done thing now but it wouldn't be a bad thing if that tradition died down.

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