Who is BU here. GP's and DC relationship.

(17 Posts)
MidnightReflection Mon 18-May-15 11:27:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty Mon 18-May-15 11:35:52

They are BU

However, you haven't mentioned what the children want and how old they are?

Collaborate Mon 18-May-15 11:37:32

Just give them details of when your kids are available to visit them, and available to be visited at your home. They can then take their pick, or not, as the case may be. Sounds as if both grandparents and you are unwilling to change arrangements to make a visit possible. Who is BU would depend on how much of a commitment it is for those arrangements.

MidnightReflection Mon 18-May-15 11:42:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nornironrock Mon 18-May-15 12:42:51

This is their problem, and one I am sadly familiar with... I've learned over the last few years to make plans for MY family. If anyone else wants to be involved, that's great, but our plans come first. We had too many occasions where we ended up changing plans to accommodate people who had much more ability to be flexible than us.

As you already said, it's 2 hours to their place. It's also only 2 hours from theirs to yours...

Duckdeamon Mon 18-May-15 12:48:28

They ABU. Especially wanting you and the DC to do all the travel.

IMO (with some exceptions) relationships with GC naturally flow from the granparents' relationships with their child and their son or daughter in law. It's a bit weird and old-fashioned for them to seek to bypass you and DH to just have the DC on their own.

SaucyJack Mon 18-May-15 12:48:45

They are being U.

You both have regular social/recreational activities that you want to keep to which is fine in itself, but if they are the ones who want your DCs to be going there, then they are the ones who should compromise IMO.

Duckdeamon Mon 18-May-15 12:49:46

Also, why are they moaning to you? Why don't they speak to their son about it?

SaucyJack Mon 18-May-15 12:50:30

In response to the PP...... I don't think there's anything remotely weird in children of 8&11 going to stay with GPs by themselves in theory. Assuming it suits all parties obv.

Eigg Mon 18-May-15 12:54:03

I'd just explain clearly that as the children have lots of weekend activities, which they have made commitments to, it is difficult to do regular weekend visits to them, however they are very welcome to come and visit you at a weekend and which one would they like.

I'd also probably suggest that your DH is the one to broker the compromise as it's his parents.

Duckdeamon Mon 18-May-15 12:55:04

Not weird for DC to go to visit alone sometimes, but it seemed from the OP that this is the main thing the GPs do with the family, have the DC rather than see the whole family, and the GPs want to do this even more, but might've got wrong impression!

DeeWe Mon 18-May-15 13:13:38

My pil are about 2 hours away and when the dc go, we share the travelling almost always. We'll do one way they do the other. But they also would think that just Saturday to Sunday wasn't really worth it generally. Mine usually go about 3 nights.

BertPuttocks Mon 18-May-15 13:19:12

If the GPs don't want to give up any of their own social activities, they should also accept that others may not wish to give up theirs either.

I would let them know that they are welcome to come and visit but that you won't be able to do any weekend visits for a while. Your dh should be the one to make this clear to them.

YANBU.

ROARmeow Mon 18-May-15 13:26:43

Would they like to visit to watch your DC compete in their sports?

Do they have a good relationship with your DH?

Flyonthewindscreen Mon 18-May-15 15:14:02

YANBU. Sounds like your PIL want it all their way, to not have their social plans changed, not to have to travel to you and to have their GDC brought to stay with them at a time that suits them. Do they really expect you to do a 4 hour round trip to drop DC off, DC miss their planned activities and let their teams down and then you have another 4 hour round trip to collect them the next day?

I would let your DH deal with them (assuming he is on same page as them) though…

sparkysparkysparky Mon 18-May-15 15:27:30

I totally understand how you feel. But I am going to make a plea for compromise. I never met my grandparents. 3 died before I was born. 1 lived in another country and we couldn't afford to go there.
At the risk of being trite, you run out of grandparents quite quickly.
The GPs in this case should make more of their free time to be with their grandchildren during the week, especially during school holidays. But please do what you can to get a compromise.

PtolemysNeedle Mon 18-May-15 16:37:12

I think it's up to them to invite your children to stay whenever is convenient for them, just the same as you are free to accept or decline.

They have no right to complain that they don't have the dc to stay enough though, they can't have it both ways.

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