To not bother any more?

(17 Posts)
mommy2ash Sun 17-May-15 19:23:01

This weekend was my dds first holy communion. I threw her a party and invited everyone a month ago. I chased everyone up two weeks ago to ask who was coming and last week I chased up again asking for definite numbers.

The night before the cancellation texts started coming and some even the next day up to half an hour before it was starting. I ended up with half the amount that should have been there. I had sandwiches hot food cake tea and coffee sweets for the kids etc based on the number that should have been there. My dd enjoyed her day and that is what ultimately matters but I can't help but feel let down.

One of my friends is having a hen night next week organised by what I thought was one of my best friends. Neither of them turned up for the party. My best friend texting a half hour before hand saying sorry not feeling up to it have a nice day. They are expecting me to take an unpaid half day from work pay 50 pound towards the present and get a babysitter and travel quite a distance to the city they chose to host it in

Well now I'm not feeling up to it, others have said I will be cutting off my nose to spite my face but I don't want to go to the bother for people who don't extend the same courtesy to me. Aibu to stay at home Saturday night and let them get on with it?

Moominmarvellous Sun 17-May-15 19:37:37

It's difficult when you feel let down and have to see them so soon.

My DD also recently made her first holy communion and I find that it's the kind of celebration where if you're not Catholic it makes no sense and people don't view it with that much importance.

We had family from DH's side pull out for trivial reasons, and it's annoying when it means so much to us and to DD.

In your situation, I think I'd feel the same way, but I'd still go to the hen do. It helps to rise above the negative feelings I find, even if they are deserved. You'll come away having done the right thing, you'll probably enjoy it despite yourself and the situation could be resolved much sooner.

AlternativeTentacles Sun 17-May-15 19:50:25

I wouldn't got to be honest. I'd probably text about half an hour beforehand saying I wasn't feeling up to it and have a nice night.

Bakeoffcake Sun 17-May-15 20:02:40

Yanbu.

It doesn't matter if they understand the significance of a communion or not, it was extremely rude of them to cancel half an hour before. It's understandable that you're upset so if you don't want to go for the hen night, don't go.

I'm glad your dd had a good party anyway!

mommy2ash Sun 17-May-15 20:10:49

The religious importance wasn't lost on anyone I live in Ireland so everyone knows what it means and I wasn't expecting anyone to go to the church unless they wanted to. These friends have watched me stress out plan everything and know how much expense I went to and worst of all it feels like they didn't give a hoot about my little girl and that's what hurts.

The way I feel now whether I enjoy myself on the hen is irrelevant I don't want to put myself out for them. that's probably really childish of me but I don't feel like being the bigger person

Bakeoffcake Sun 17-May-15 20:15:22

sad they don't sound like very good friends.
I would tell them how upset you are that they didn't come.

FirstWeTakeManhattan Sun 17-May-15 20:15:48

YANBU to feel like that. I would almost certainly feel the same. A few years ago though, I would have ended up going and not saying anything.

These days, my time is way too precious, and I'm better at saying a polite 'no, thank you', when appropriate.

You could be the bigger person, but they were rather thoughtless about you and your family, and I would quite honestly struggle to make a big effort in return.

mommy2ash Sun 17-May-15 20:18:11

That's the thing my time is pretty precious I work full time and am a single parent. It's not that easy for me to get a babysitter and I hate being away from my dd so much anyway. I think I will just text and cancel

PeaceOfWildThings Sun 17-May-15 20:19:16

YANBU and they are. No way would I give up paid leave, travel or pay £50 towards a hen night gift. I'd have the decency to tell them asap though and not leave it to the day/day before.

Justusemyname Sun 17-May-15 20:20:12

Don't go to the hen if you don't want too. If they aren't true friends they'll drop you soon after anyway and you'll have wasted time and money.

gointothewoods Sun 17-May-15 20:20:39

Do the friends who canceled late have kids? I wonder is it a lack of understanding. Or did you have a massive party for your daughter? Some find that a bit much, the whole bouncy castle tons of kids going mental type of thing. Often it's not all that much fun. But I'd go if it was a close friend or family and get on with it! Don't go to the hen if you don't feel like it. Yanbu.

PeaceOfWildThings Sun 17-May-15 20:20:42

X post. Glad to hear you're cancelling. grin

TandemFlux Sun 17-May-15 20:21:15

I wouldn't bother going to the hen do either. Best to sleep on it first then text and say its been a busy/expensive week and you don't feel up to the hen do so will opt out but hope they have a nice time

mommy2ash Sun 17-May-15 20:24:10

It wasn't a huge party which made the absences more noticeable there were only a few kids so no bouncy castle or anything just family and close friends. I've bitten the bullet and text the group on what's app just said won't be able to make Saturday other commitments but hope you all have a great night

gamerchick Sun 17-May-15 20:24:17

Just cancel but don't do it yet or people will think you're just being petty.

I'm with you, I wouldn't bother either.

NoArmaniNoPunani Sun 17-May-15 20:30:26

YANBU to not go to the hen. I would have texted the day before if I were you.

Moominmarvellous Sun 17-May-15 21:37:24

You're in Ireland? Then that changes things. I'm from an Irish family and it's a much bigger deal to us than to my English friends which is why I'd be more inclined to give them some slack for not getting it.

But if they were aware of the prep & planning etc then YANBU to not go. Maybe it's time to step back from the friendships and see what happens.

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