Aibu and a bit pfb?

(19 Posts)
Esssss Sun 17-May-15 07:03:45

Dh works long hours and often finished around midnight, sometimes he goes for a drink afterwards. Fine by me as I'm in bed usually. We have an 18 month old and I also work full time, anyway last night I got a txt from dh at aboutt 1.30 saying he was out with colleagues and going back to a party (I knew it would be a late one) Sunday is usually my day to sleep in as I get up with our toddler every other day. I texted back sayings hates fine but was still getting my sleep in. He got home after5,well pissed up. Our toddler woke at 6. I didn't think dh was in a fit state to look after our son so ended up getting up even though he was adamant he was getting up. AIBU or a bit pfb??

Euphemia Sun 17-May-15 07:05:23

Is this a one-off or does he do this often?

ThinkIveBeenHacked Sun 17-May-15 07:09:03

As above. One off - meh. Regular occurance - shit head.

Give him til eleven then wake him and send him off out to the park with the baby and told not to come back for two hours. Then you go back to bed.

Mummyusername Sun 17-May-15 07:09:30

No, it is not pfb to not leave your 18 month old in the care of someone who is drunk.

Esssss Sun 17-May-15 07:09:41

Not that often maybe once a month? He works hard and needs to blow off steam - I understand that - but he also has a son...maybe I'm a bit pissed off he gets to go out when I don't!! He was pretty pissed though

GlitteringJasper Sun 17-May-15 07:10:49

I'd be quite annoyed about this.

Do you get the chance to go out often?

Esssss Sun 17-May-15 07:11:25

Well the other thing I'm annoyed about is that we have plans for today which will now have to be changed cause he needs to sleep this off. I intend to only give him a few hours.

icklekid Sun 17-May-15 07:13:30

Plans for today stay as much as possible then you tell him when your next going out as its only fair!

ItsADinosaur Sun 17-May-15 07:13:35

Why don't you get to go out? Of course you should go out.

Esssss Sun 17-May-15 07:13:35

Glittering, no not really at all, my job is more normal hours so I'm always rushing home to pick ds up, because dh finishes late all his colleagues
Tend to go for a drink afterwards. If I go out and knew I had to mind our son afterwards inwouldntbe rolling in at 5. It just feels a bit teenage to me

Esssss Sun 17-May-15 07:14:21

I'm planning my next night out this minute!!!

Suzietwo Sun 17-May-15 07:14:37

i have never read a thread asking this question without thinking 'get a bloody grip' but in this instance, you're totally right not to leave child with him and to want to fucking kill him

SewingAndCakes Sun 17-May-15 07:17:22

YANBU or PFB. He can't look after the baby when he's been out all night. It's crappy for you but until he's sober and slept you'll have to do it.

After that, give him hell; he hadn't considered you when he decided to stay out longer; you work long hours too and you're as much in need of a break.

Can you go out with Ds somewhere nice today? It's no fun sitting in the house with a toddler and a sleeping partner when you've made other plans sad

Iggly Sun 17-May-15 07:19:43

This is the problem with designated lie in days. You need to alternate to avoid this happening too often. Or something.

AuntieStella Sun 17-May-15 07:21:58

Definitely not PFB.

Because this isn't about the perceptions of what is reasonable for your DC.

It's what is reasonable for your DH. This is very unfair. You need to talk to him about it. I would hope he is properly apologetic, will arrange something nice for you asap as propitiation, and that you both sit down and talk about balance of home responsibilities (especially over the weekends) and fair opportunities for you both to recharge (lie ins) and take breaks (going out as adults).

Esssss Sun 17-May-15 07:22:49

Thanks for these responses. Dh is the type of person who says if you can't do the time don't do the crime, meaning he would definitely have gotten up with ds this morning. He probably would have been fine too but it's just a bit irresponsible. I will tell him that when he gets up but as he sees it I insisted on getting up so he'll have done nothing wrong. Annoyingly one of his colleagues lives around the corner from us so he goes there after the pubs have shut"for a nightcap" not that often but often enough for me to want to put a stop to it.

Esssss Sun 17-May-15 07:25:20

Sorry that sounded really controlling. I didn't mean it like that, of course I don't mind if he goes out. Just not till 5 unplanned when it affects us all the next day

SewingAndCakes Sun 17-May-15 07:28:58

If he's going out then it needs to be on the night when he has a lie in the next day, not when you have a lie in. He should be able to understand that he's not safe to care for ds and not turn things around into you being a martyr

JeanSeberg Sun 17-May-15 09:12:41

Was he like this before kids? Was there an agreement things would change after the baby was born?

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