Being the bigger person when someone has hurt you... Would you ?

[Cerealnamechangerforever]

Longstanding friend of 10+ years and me have had big falling out.

She has hurt me badly and cannot/wont acknowledge this. We are quite childishly not really speaking now, not to prove a point but more because I am so upset that I dont have anything to say.. I am assuming she doesnt either.

The problem is that she has had a few things creep up on her over the past months - and I have gladly been there for her in the past over them e.g. ill health of parent, work stress, marriage problems - and I know this week is hitting her hard (we spoke about it v recently). Do I say anything? I really want her to know that everything aside im not heartless and can empathise with her over it all. But am torn between wanting to be there for her and equally not wanting to be a pushover...

How should I, if I even should, just give her support but equally not project the image that I am apologising/feel guilty for what has happened. if that even makes sense!

[sonjadog]

I would say something. Some things are more important than hurt feelings and passing arguments. If she is someone who you still consider a friend deep down, then make contact.

[MrsNextDoor]

Oh definitely call her.

[Cerealnamechangerforever]

Ok good to know that you lot agree! We have pretty different schedules so normally text/email a lot. I was thinking of sending a message saying 'thinking of you' etc etc, and just wishing her best of luck with things.

Im probably overthinking this but while i care for her deeply, im still upset about our falling-out.. I definitely dont think it would be appropriate to convey that by text (obviously!!) but just dont want it to be swept under the carpet ikywim.. it was about something small which became a pretty big deal in the end as these things sometimes do. She basically lied about something and betrayed my trust (something not huge) but refused to see my side. Ive put myself out a lot for her over the past few years (was happy to do this) but this was the final straw if you like.

[Flossyfloof]

Whatever the rights and wrongs of the recent falling out it would be a good thing to message her something supportive. It might encourage her to reflect, it might not, but you are showing yourself to be decent by making the move. I think you will feel better for it and so will she, even if the friendship is forever changed.