refusing any treatment during labour and birth without dh present

(198 Posts)
beanzontowst Thu 14-May-15 20:53:38

I'm due to give birth in max 8 weeks and do not consent to any treatment at all without dh being present. I've had issues with nhs staff in the past that I don't want to get into but I cannot trust them. I need my dh with me and have before refused blood pressure check cos he wasn't there.

This is not being very well understood at the hospital but I cannot deal with this any other way. My dh is so supportive and is totally understanding. Its causing me great upset because the hospital staff just won't understand. I know it is an unusual one but for me its not negotiable.

I was offered to talk to psychologist but I refused. How can someone I don't know or trust talk to me to change my opinion when they don't know me at all and I don't like talking about it esp with strangers.

A slim chance but does anyone know What my rights are to have dh there at all times? All I could do was think of comparison, foreign people can have interpretter when they want.

SaucyJack Thu 14-May-15 20:56:14

It's perfectly usual for ones partner to be there with you at all times.

Unlikely to be a problem unless the baby is at an unexpected time and your husband is late.

Welshmaenad Thu 14-May-15 20:58:03

It's your body, so you consent to or refuse any intervention as you choose. Treatment cannot be forced upon you.

However is it feasible that he will be able to be there from the start/all the time? Is there anyone else you trust to accompany you if he is held up and the staff advise that a certain intervention needs to take place for your or baby's safety?

Guyropes Thu 14-May-15 20:58:23

Foreign people get an interpreter if they're lucky.

DoJo Thu 14-May-15 20:58:58

My husband was with me at all times when I was giving birth, and I ended up doing a tour of the hospital pretty much. I think it would only be a problem if he was unable to attend and there was a risk to either you or the baby - is that what you're concerned about? I can't see any reason for him not to be there with you otherwise.

Casmama Thu 14-May-15 20:59:39

I could only imagine it might be a problem if you are induced as often you would be kept in waiting for things to kick off and your husband would be sent home. I'm not sure what would happen if he refused to leave though.

Anomaly Thu 14-May-15 21:00:35

My DH was not allowed in when I had my spinal for an elective section. But he did stay when I had an epidural for my first. That's the only time they turfed him out.

Lunastarfish Thu 14-May-15 21:01:55

Does your hospital permit partners to stay overnight? If not, i think you need to have a think about what are you going to do if you stay overnight and need treatment of some kind?

SnozzberryPie Thu 14-May-15 21:02:13

Your dh might be sent home if you are on the antenatal or postnatal ward overnight. One option would be to see if you can have a private room, although you may have to pay for it.

PacificDogwood Thu 14-May-15 21:03:26

Talking to a psychologist is not about changing your mind or 'getting' you to trust anybody, but to help you feel less fearful.

You poor thing.

Declined all interventions with your DH present, by all means.

But, please do address these anxiety issues as well - soon you will have a baby, you will have more not less contact with HCP and feeling as vulnerable and exposed and scared out of your mind as you sound just now, is no way to live sad.

Have you been able to see the same midwife though out your pregnancy?
Is there anybody you can trust, apart from your DH?

It may not always be practical or feasibly for your DH to be present if things happen unexpectedly or quickly - do you have a Plan B?

jimijack Thu 14-May-15 21:03:35

This will be fine ESPECIALLY if you explain to everyone that you meet about your anxieties, in fact it is highly likely that they will take extra care to accommodate your wishes.

Can I ask though, when baby arrives and you have to take he/she to baby clinic or gp for whatever reason, will your dh always be able to take time off to be with you? Or will you be happy alone for this sort of thing? Just curious.

Lunastarfish Thu 14-May-15 21:03:44

I mean on the ward after delivery - not during labour

GraysAnalogy Thu 14-May-15 21:03:56

I think it's perfectly understandable for you to think this way.

Your rights would depend on your situation. You are completely within your rights to refuse treatment. They need your consent throughout.

It's good you've made this clear at the beginning.

However, if it comes to the labour part and your DH isn't there, what are you going to do?

Just to let you know, and I don't want to scare you but just to make this clear to you, it's the absolute worst case scenario, in some situations your consent can be overriden so staff can act in your best interests. If they think your capacity to make decisions has been inhibited by your anxiety they can assess you and go ahead with paternalistic practice if it is deemed your anxiety (or any other mental issues) are affecting your ability to make an informed decision. This is really really unlikely to happen though, I've never seen it myself and it would be a long, complex process.

ahbollocks Thu 14-May-15 21:04:02

My immediate thought woukd be that they possibly think he may be controlling you or something similar and are trying to help you

DixieNormas Thu 14-May-15 21:04:03

Like others have said over night might be a problem

PotteringAlong Thu 14-May-15 21:04:22

You need a plan for what happens if it doesn't go to plan! For example, when I had ds1 he had to be resuscitated and was then taken to nicu. DH went with him and I was by myself being stitched up etc.

I'm not trying to scare you, but in that situation do you want DH to stay with you or go with the baby? It's fine up say with you but you need to discuss it beforehand.

butterflyballs Thu 14-May-15 21:05:07

I've had 2 c sections and my child's father was,not allowed in when I had my spinal. I'm not sure how this would work for you.

This is something you need to deal with as you refusing a blood pressure check, which is completely non invasive is indicative of a real issue. Please get some help via a therapist.

Sirzy Thu 14-May-15 21:05:13

Generally partners aren't allowed to stay overnight.

In the situation of an emergency c section he wouldn't be allowed in.

I know you don't want to but considering the psychologist appointment may help more than you think.

electionfatigue Thu 14-May-15 21:06:14

You need to decide how far you are going to take this. If he isn't there and you need something life-saving for you and the baby, are you going to refuse it? How about something like "if an intervention is needed I would rather wait until my husband is present, however if it is necessary to save the life of me or my baby or to prevent severe damage to my baby then I will consent on my own.

Those who don't speak English, BTW, usually just get a phone interpreter if that, often another patient drafted in from the waiting room in reality!

and have before refused blood pressure check cos he wasn't there.

I'm going to be blunt. The staff will be really pissed off about stuff like this. Yes, it's your right, but these clinics are really busy - staff just don't have the time to wait for someone to arrive. I imagine you were put back in the waiting room until he arrived. I am sorry for whatever bad experiences you had, but if you are this dogmatic then I would worry that you risk putting your or your baby's health at risk, as staff will be so worried that you'll sue for assault they won't dare carry out necessary tests or interventions.

PotteringAlong Thu 14-May-15 21:06:19

He will definitely not be allowed in for a general anaesthetic c section.

Angria Thu 14-May-15 21:07:59

Have you been told he can't be with you? This would be unusual for most
maternity depts.

PotteringAlong Thu 14-May-15 21:08:15

The other thing I've just thought of is how far does this extend? Will you refuse consent for the baby unless DH is there too? Because that might not be possible. Please speak to the psychologist.

GraysAnalogy Thu 14-May-15 21:08:33

I missed the blood pressure part.

I understand that you don't think you'll find the psychologist helpful, but I really do think you would benefit from it.

To be frank, your DH is not going to be around everytime you need treatment. You need to try to overcome this anxiety and fear for your own health.

Bunbaker Thu 14-May-15 21:08:39

During a straightforward labour your husband would be able to stay with you. If there were complications and you needed a spinal or general anaesthetic I think they would ask your husband to leave the room.

nipplequestion Thu 14-May-15 21:10:32

Would you consider having a homebirth? Up to you what happens in your house.

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