DPIL are lovely. They are kind and help out. They are coming to visit next weekend and have asked to stay 4 nights instead of 3. I really don't want them to though.
I know I abu :( but....
I just find it hard having people around. DD is 16 weeks and although we have a cleaner and the house is not a disaster, it is not that tidy. The shower has mould all over it, the kitchen table has piles of papers. I try to sort these things when DD is napping, but recently she has bucked her routine and doesn't nap at reliable times, or will only nap on me.
I am trying to do bits n bats of stuff for work, to keep the house running on a daily basis, to keep DD stimulated by reading stories, trying to get her back into a routine, trying to lose pg weight by walking every day and cutting out sugar, and trying to do projects round the house like shelves for DD room etc.
Sometimes the days pass so quickly without me seeming to achieve anything. Then I feel like a crap mum. Sometimes they stretch out endlessly and I feel a huge sick sense of panic and failure. I am desperate for DH to come home then but he works long hoirs and has recently had back surgery so can't do much.
I did the Edinburgh test online and scored 15. It said to contact an HCP if it was more than 10 but there is no one I can talk to. I have a massive fear of someone thinking I am not coping and taking DD away.
PIL live 300 miles away but come regularly for 3 ish nights. In the last four weeks they have come for two long weekends. I find it so much harder when they are here. I feel on show all the time. They very much regard childcare as the mum's job and will talk about DH helping me out if he takes her for 20min while I eat my tea. Last time they came I pretended I needed a nap and went upstairs with DD and cried for an hour. Then I couldn't come down as my face was all blotchy.
I know I'm lucky to have a gorgeous healthy baby and GP who care about her and want to be involved. But DH and I agreed a limit of three nights for guests and I just can't cope with four :(
Go ahead and flame :(
AIBU?
To not want ILs to stay for a single extra night?
IsThisAllThereIs · 10/05/2015 19:46
If they've come twice in the last month, I would have no qualms about saying that you need some family time alone. I'd be allergic to such regular long visits.
Do you not have a Health Visitor? Or a GP that you can talk to?
oh you poor love. First off, do contact your gp or health visitor. They don't take your baby away because you're depressed. It is very, very common and they will try to help you.
Second, it sounds like you are putting an enormous amount of pressure on yourself. Are you on maternity leave? Do you need to do bits and pieces for work? With a 16 week old, your house will be in a state of chaos. Accept it and move on. I have never heard of a 16 week old with a routine. I don't think that exists. I still have a nap when dd naps and she's nearly 2! Do yourself a favour and get yourself a wonderful book called 'what mothers do'. It really will change your perspective. And read it while dd naps on you 
You're not going to get flamed 
How close to the inlaws are you? can you or dh tell them how you feel? if you cant then I would put them off or use the time they are here to go and see your gp and tell them how you are feeling 
Cut yourself some slack - seriously!
You have set the bar for yourself very high IMO and of course it will be hard to live up to all those expectations.
First thing to go is 'reading to the baby' - read the newspaper and out loud if you want, DD will just as captivated whether your read the FT or a recipe or the latest letter from Inland Revenue.
Reduce your standards.
Do please talk to your GP or HV how you are feeling. Nobody is going to take your baby away from you, honest!
And no, of course YANBU if you don't want them staying longer than previously expected: your house, your guests. As they are you ILs it may be tactically wiser for your DH to have that conversation.
May recommend What Mothers Do - especially when it looks like nothing - excellent and uplifting, evidence based back which every new mother should get rather than fecking Emma's Diary IMO. Try and enjoy your DD sleeping on you; she is telling you what she needs just now and it won't last forever.
I struggled big time with motherhood, never had PND and still felt that the whole thing was awful until my DCs were a bit older.
Take one day at a time, ask for help, speak to people, look after yourself - that's not selfish, it is vitally important.
If anybody asks "is there anything I can do to help?" answer with a specific request "Oh that's so kind, please could you hang up the washing/bring us a casserole/hold the baby so I can have a shower without having to listen to screaming?". People like to help - you are doing them a favour
all help too IME.
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