to ask for your help on how to think about this?

(84 Posts)
swooneramamama Thu 07-May-15 10:20:42

dh has two domestic responsibilities. to drop ds at school and to load the dishwasher at the end of the day. I do everything else and I don't mind as on Mat leave. however, if we have an argument he refuses to do either. I've got a 4 month old so these two things make a big difference. Would this type of behaviour be considered abusive do you think or am I taking it too far?

MsMcWoodle Thu 07-May-15 10:21:55

He's a tosser.

BoeBarlow Thu 07-May-15 10:22:04

Abusive, no. Childish, yes.

rebelfor Thu 07-May-15 10:22:50

Immature twattish, not immature.

SoupDragon Thu 07-May-15 10:23:02

Abusive? I think that is a over reaction. He's just a twat.

rebelfor Thu 07-May-15 10:23:17

*Not abusive, rather.

BeautyQueenFromMars Thu 07-May-15 10:25:19

Definitely not abusive. Definitely arseholeish behaviour.

MrsNextDoor Thu 07-May-15 10:25:30

I think it is abusive. As your child grows and needs taking to more places...what will he do? Refuse to take him to Cubs because he's not taling to Mummy?

Areshole behaviour and I would tell him that it stops or you go. It's a bad indication of his beliefs imo.

formerbabe Thu 07-May-15 10:25:47

however, if we have an argument he refuses to do either.

Outrageous behaviour. Do you also go on strike when you argue? I doubt it.

swooneramamama Thu 07-May-15 10:26:03

I guess I'm thinking along the lines of- you've upset me so now I will ensure that you are up late cleaning the kitchen and up early doing the school run even though I know you are exhausted. It feels abusive to me because it's not as though I can refuse to do these things

suzannecanthecan Thu 07-May-15 10:26:43

I would select 2 things which inconvenience him and refuse to do them in the event of an argument

fight fire with fire

swooneramamama Thu 07-May-15 10:26:56

X post former babe- exactly

swooneramamama Thu 07-May-15 10:29:08

And it's not like he is up in the night, or even knows what goes on as separate rooms. Sorry just so down and miserable about it all to day.

FernGullysWoollyPully Thu 07-May-15 10:29:12

Its manipulative and twattish.

WorraLiberty Thu 07-May-15 10:33:21

It's definitely manipulative, immature behaviour.

He's supposed to be husband and parent.

You can't retreat from family life/duties just because you're throwing your toys out of the pram.

Have you spoken to him about this, at a time when you're both calm and haven't fallen out?

swooneramamama Thu 07-May-15 10:33:52

He views his input into the daily grind of everyday family life as a treat to be removed from me. Would you call that deli berate withdrawal of domestic responsibility an abuse of his position as woh parent? Or am I being ott

Rudawakening Thu 07-May-15 10:34:29

I don't think abusive, but I certainly wouldn't be loading the dishwasher until he grew up and did it. Obviously you can't r fuse to take your son to school but that would be it. Even it it meant my eating from a paper plate.

swooneramamama Thu 07-May-15 10:34:36

Tried to speak worra- he literally puts his fingers in his ears

suzannecanthecan Thu 07-May-15 10:34:45

It's not really subtle enough to qualify as manipulation, it's just blatant 'I'm the boss and if you don't do what I want there will be consequences'‎

swooneramamama Thu 07-May-15 10:36:10

Ruda I just can't live like that I wouldn't be able to prepare food and I'm bfing and really feeling low on nutrition as I is with milk seeming to have dried up by early eve

Nolim Thu 07-May-15 10:36:15

Does he gives an explenation on why he cannot do two basic tasks?

redautumnleaves Thu 07-May-15 10:37:55

It is bullying and puerile behaviour...
You dare to argue with me and I will make sure you suffer.

swooneramamama Thu 07-May-15 10:38:15

no. He just doesn't do them. With the kitchen he just sits in his room playing on his phone. With school run just leaves before time to get ds up.

cailindana Thu 07-May-15 10:38:42

Yes, it is abusive to punish a spouse, especially by withdrawing care that a child needs. It is also abusive to completely stonewalling your partner when they try to address the problem.

Why is he only doing two things when you have two children, one a small baby, to look after? Does he refuse to do any more of his fair share?

suzannecanthecan Thu 07-May-15 10:39:11

You're vulnerable and his instinctive response is to take advantage of his power, figuratively kicking you when you are down.
Doesn't say much for his character does it sad

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