To wonder why so many use PFB to diminish someone's feelings/experience?

(65 Posts)
WaddaLegend Wed 06-May-15 21:03:26

I just don't get it! I understand if it's your first child you are less experienced than those who've been there done that but just because a parent is sensitive about their child's feelings etc doesn't necessarily mean it's because it's their PFB iyswim? Can't the parent of an only child have valid concerns about their child just because they only have one child? Or do people think you'll care less when you have more than one child? I don't mean to be intentionally thick but it just seems unkind and dismissive, aibu?

LokiBear Wed 06-May-15 21:05:52

YANBU. It is often used in a patronising way.

DrankSangriaInThePark Wed 06-May-15 21:11:59

What has PFB got to do with only children?

WaddaLegend Wed 06-May-15 21:12:10

Thanks LokiBear I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks so!

WaddaLegend Wed 06-May-15 21:13:41

I just mean that the parent of an only child will only have their 'PFB'

SaucyJack Wed 06-May-15 21:15:38

PFB doesn't just mean a parent's first or only child tho.

PFB is A Thing in it's own right. It was never intended as a compliment.

amicissimma Wed 06-May-15 21:18:25

I tend to read it as the poster trying to reassure the concerned mum that everyone feels like that as the first baby seems so vulnerable and precious. They are trying to show the perspective that comes with subsequent siblings, that, worrying as it seems the first time, 'it' (whatever it is) generally works out OK. We know this with subsequent children and are more relaxed, but don't with our first and are terribly worried about most set backs. And this is normal.

WaddaLegend Wed 06-May-15 21:24:31

Can see that but it's still the point that someone's feelings aren't valid because it's their first born and not because they're being silly for example (if that's what you think). Why not just say you don't agree with someone, what does it have to do with being a first time parent? Why patronise someone for that?

WaddaLegend Wed 06-May-15 21:29:47

Thanks ammicissimma I agree it's nice when said in that tone but often it's said in a dismissive way and accompanied with a hmm face and I don't think that's a nice way to go about treating someone

SaucyJack Wed 06-May-15 21:33:22

I'm obviously not explaining myself.

There is a special brand of silliness that happens to some first-time parents. That is the PFB phenomenon.

Not all first-timers or their worries are PFB, but it definitely exists.

LittleIda Wed 06-May-15 21:38:45

I do worry more about my eldest than my younger child. I think it's a combination of me being more chilled about things the second time I go through them than when it's new and also that the younger child is sometimes more confident due to having older sibs.

HerrenaHarridan Wed 06-May-15 21:51:46

Saucy jack has it.

All parents get a little crazy with their pfb, some completely lose it.

It's only insulting in the same way that to call some one niaive or green is irritating.

Doesn't make it any less true!

Personally just having the phrase to describe the feelings has helped me be less pfb with my only child.
One of the things in very grateful to mn for smile

WaddaLegend Wed 06-May-15 22:10:33

You are explaining yourself very well saucy I see what you mean, but I just think a lot of the time it comes across as rude and doesn't help the parents address the issue. What is the point in saying 'oh let me guess, is this is your PFB hmm ' when you could easily say 'I understand its hard but when it's your first child it seems like a big deal, in time you won't feel this way' or something similar? And maybe that parent won't ever change their opinion and they just have differing opinions to you no matter how many children they go on to have.

oddfodd Wed 06-May-15 22:22:11

Sometimes being told you're being PFB about something is exactly the jolt you need to realise you're being eversoslightly OTT about something. It can be quite a relief to laugh at your new parent anxieties

SaucyJack Wed 06-May-15 22:25:02

I'm not sure it was ever intended as a helpful or supportive term tbf.

Mehitabel6 Wed 06-May-15 22:27:48

I think that it is because we have all been there and have a good laugh about it now! Those who get upset are still at that stage and don't realise that they will laugh about it before too long.

Galvanized Wed 06-May-15 22:28:38

PFB is used in a self-aware self-mocking way in our house. We're aware that we are being precious sometimes.

Mehitabel6 Wed 06-May-15 22:29:17

I think most parents can give an example of their own PFB behaviour- I certainly can.

Galvanized Wed 06-May-15 22:29:59

I agree with Mehitabel above my post too - you often look back a few months and realise you were being "pfb" grin

Mehitabel6 Wed 06-May-15 22:30:38

I was my mother's PFB and my siblings had it much better once she had relaxed.

WaddaLegend Thu 07-May-15 08:24:09

Well maybe I've been taking it the wrong way. I expect I'm more sensitive to it since having a PFB of my own ;) I can definitely relate to looking back and laughing at myself and my baby is only a few months old so maybe I took it too personally haha. But it wasn't the term PFB I was questioning it was more the attitude where some people just seem to eye roll and act as though they've never been through it, not so much the people who use it jokingly. As I said, maybe I've taken it the wrong way smile

rebelfor Thu 07-May-15 08:32:18

I was definitely PFB with my first, in hindsight.

Hoppityhippityhop Thu 07-May-15 09:30:59

I really dislike the use of PFB too. It is probable that, much to my distress, my first born child will be my only child. I dislike the implication that I'm not as much of a parent as those people who have been lucky enough to have subsequent children.

olgaga Thu 07-May-15 09:39:13

I agree with Hoppity. My PFB is my one and only. So presumably I must be assumed to be PFB about everything, forever!

Notso Thu 07-May-15 10:02:23

It's rare that I've seen PFB used in the way you describe OP. I mostly seem to see it being used by someone describing themselves or when someone else is being utterly ridiculous.
It doesn't apply to everything about having a first borne debits not exclusive to first children either.
I think it's just more common to be a tad precious with your first born because you can be.
For example noise is often something I've noticed people being PFB about, I know a lot of parents who insist on virtual silence while their baby is sleeping.
SIL once spent a good half hour ranting on to me about BIL phoning the house phone while DN was sleeping (how is he mean't to know she's asleep?) she won't Hoover, use the washing machine or flush the toilet while the baby is sleeping either.
Once they came to visit us and she spent the whole time in the car as newborn DN was asleep and my noisy louts would wake her.
If they have another child this just wouldn't work.

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