to ask how to fix this?

(14 Posts)
yesiwouldlikefrieswiththat Tue 05-May-15 23:50:44

To start I was the one in the wrong. Totally in the wrong I am all too aware of this.

I have said some completely unforgivable things to a close family member (that I love to bits) out of sheer temper (exhaustion,pms you name it...)

I have taken it back and apologised and am now giving her some space. What should I do? If I could unsay it I would but I obviously can't and it's out there now sad

I can't put details as it could out me and I don't think I could bring myself to say it anyway, I'm too ashamed

EatShitDerek Tue 05-May-15 23:54:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bodyinpyjamas10 Tue 05-May-15 23:58:31

Write a letter of apology and then wait and hope. That's all you can do.

WorraLiberty Tue 05-May-15 23:59:49

How much space have you given her?

I mean as in how long ago did you say the unforgivable things?

OrangeVase Wed 06-May-15 00:06:46

Oh, I'm sorry - this is awful - for both of you.

A letter is a good idea I think - with some sort of explanation, (without making it sound like justification), ask for forgiveness then as others have said it is up to her.

Good luck OP.

yesiwouldlikefrieswiththat Wed 06-May-15 00:08:02

Thank you, just wish I could take it away, I hate it when people are upset anyway but when I'm the reason it's awful

Tbh it was only a few days ago but we are really close usually (as are our dcs) and I'm panicking that I've fucked it up permanently

TowerRavenSeven Wed 06-May-15 00:14:12

I did the same thing to a friend 5 years ago, she's never forgiven me even though I apologized profusely and sincerely. IMO if people can't forgive that's their problem and you have to move on, there is really nothing else you can do.

sliceofsoup Wed 06-May-15 00:27:48

I have had this done to me. Completely unprovoked I might add. It happened 3 years ago and although I have moved on and we speak again now, I am still wary of her, and always will be. Forgiven not forgotten.

All you can do is give her space. She owes you nothing, don't forget that.

Mermaidhair Wed 06-May-15 02:01:16

This has happened to me too. I truly forgave my family member, but things will never be the same.

SavoyCabbage Wed 06-May-15 02:07:30

Me too. Years later I can talk to her in an ordinary way at a family party or similar but I would not choose to spend time with her.

I found I couldn't think about her in the same way and our relationship was never the same.

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty Wed 06-May-15 02:09:42

Grovelling letter and some flowers then leave her to come to you if / when she wants to

Nanny0gg Wed 06-May-15 09:35:14

Was there truth (even if just from your perspective) in what you said?

Or can you honestly say that you didn't mean any of it?

fiveacres Wed 06-May-15 09:36:51

It really depends on what was said. I'm not asking you to share but I know some things I would view as unforgivable as in, just crossed a line.

I hope it works out for you flowers

SnowyPiglet Wed 06-May-15 11:19:34

Oh dear, I do feel sorry for you. I sometimes say things I don't mean (although normally it is just that something comes out wrong) and I feel terrible, have to backtrack, and it's all very messy.
Is there anything you said that was vaguely true? Could you write/email, try to meet with her, and explain about the exhaustion, whatever. Were you suffering from stress? (My poor husband has to suffer a lot when I'm stressed!) If something just came out wrong, could you explain that to her?
Best of luck.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now