Unpaid servant

[AlwaysDancing1234]

The title reflects how I'm feeling at the moment.

Visited parents today supposed to get home by 4pm latest but DH dicked about for 2 hours with their computer (despite my protests) so we finally get home at 6pm.

DS and baby both tired and hungry and very grumpy. For 90 mins I ran around like a mad thing sorting food, bath, school stuff, hanging up laundry sorting out DS who was having a bit of a meltdown etc. come back downstairs DH hadn't even changed baby nappy and toys everywhere. Apparently they were "watching In The Night Garden and playing".

Got to 7:30, DS now stressed and overtired and baby screaming for boob feed but still needs wash/change. DH sulking and giving me silent treatment as I got cross with him for having done F*ck all to help the whole weekend.

AIBU in thinking DH can F off if he thinks he's getting a cup of tea now, I'm fed up with being an unpaid skivvy!!

[Ingsy457]

We have all been there dont worry! You aren't being unfair atall, sounds like you are due an evening out! I took up running last year, I'm crap because I'm usually too tired to go but if I have a day like yours today I always go, half an hour with my iPod and mind on how much pain I'm in does me the world of good and I come home having forgotten why I was so pissed off! Is there anything you can do to have an "out"? Even go and sit in your car with a takeaway coffee and let OH deal with the kids for an hour? X

[hidingfromthem]

he can get his own cuppa tea surely?
he's got arms and legs, hasn't he?
he sounds very detached from the needs of your household.
i'd be fuming too.

[Lweji]

Is it a common thing?

[mrsmeerkat]

Hmm .. I get you. But your dh sounds immature. Can you express and and get out more. I go for a swim or to a pub for a coffee on my own or tonight just to lidl to buy plants. Yesterday I took the day to myself. Dh got a shock how much work is involved. Two under year and a half. He cooked dinner and put on one wash. Fair enough. I came home cleaned toilets, Ironed and ended up paying for it today. Double the work to do. I just resent it. Wouldn't get Married if I was doing it again.

[OwlinaTree]

Oh the, 'just before you go can you...' Drives me insane. My dh has a relative who always does this. We've been here all day. Why are you asking now when we are about to put our coats on? It's always something like downloading a load of pictures or similar which takes flipping ages.

Op, I feel your pain.

[FishWithABicycle]

Yanbu but why did talking with DH about who was going to do what not happen? If we were out for the day and set to get home at 6ish, my DH and I would be talking on the way home laying out all the things that need doing by what time and working out the best way to get it all done between the two of us. Obviously in an ideal world your DH is sufficiently adult to show some initiative and be responsible, but failing that then telepathy is a but much to expect instead.

[AlwaysDancing1234]

Thanks everyone, good to know I'm not he only one. What annoyed me was it wasn't parents asking DH to do computer stuff, he decided to start messing about when're should have been packing up ready.
Fish I did expressly say " when we get home we need to do x y z" but he then conveniently forgets! Bloody infuriating!

[Heels99]

We have not "all been there" many dads and husbands are thoughtful, competent parents.

[redskybynight]

Well I agree that DH could have helped.
But equally I can sort of see why if the DC were happy that he just left them to it. If you'd already talked about what you were going to do why on earth didn't you say "OI DH, you said you'd do the dinner!" or whatever ...

Can I also quietly wonder why there was 90 minutes of running round worth do to? Surely you make some thing quick (beans on toast) and just get the DC to bed? Nothing else urgent?

[Lweji]

Also, I don't think it's good to know you are not the only one with a crap husband.
If the children were happy by themselves why didn't he find something else to do?

But, is it a regular occurrence or was it just this time?

[toffeecrispandacupoftea]

This was us so many times!

With us I wrongly thought saying XYZ needs doing would mean he would do some of it! He never made that connection!! I found in the end that what I actually needed to say was more like XYZ needs doing so would you please do X, I'll do Y and then we can do Z together so we can have some time off together afterwards.

This works with us anyway.

[AlwaysDancing1234]

redsky as I said in my OP, DS had one of his meltdowns so a lot of my time was taken calming him down. He also has to have help putting creams on after his bath so not a straight forward thing.
I was in bathro/upstairs seeing to DS so didn't realise DH had done sod all until later.
Lweji this is a common theme at the moment hence why this time may seem minor but really annoyed me on top and f everything else.
toffeecrisp I guess I'll have to b more specific but feel he should be able to figure out some stuff on his own like tidy toys away and was hand change baby!

[AlwaysDancing1234]

Sorry for typos

[DinkyDye]

Agree with Toffee, it works best if l roar orders let DH know what he has to do. If we get in late l don't think he copes under the time pressure unless l do this!