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AIBU?

to think these women are just bloody horrible?

122 replies

WilburIsSomePig · 04/05/2015 10:22

DH and I were at an anniversary dinner last night of good friends. It was a smallish do in a lovely restaurant, nice meal etc. We've known them for over 20 years and although we don't live close to each other, see each other several times a year, keep in touch by phone/social media etc. I have met their other friends a few times at parties etc but don't know them well as we live 100 miles away so we don't socialise as a large group or anything.

So we get to the restaurant, all lovely. Except we're made to feel about as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit by a couple of the friends. I say hello and get a tight lipped nod back and then i noticed one woman moving the place cards about so that she was sitting next to her buddy. I was perched on the end next to a pillar.

I chat to one woman (who I've never met before but is very nice) then go to the toilet and after a minute or two I hear two of the woman (place card woman and her pal) come in and say 'why the hell did they invite Wilbur she's not in our group and we hardly know her' and my favourite gem 'I don't know what she thinks she looks like in that dress' (actually I know I looked shit because I always look shit but I had tried).

I literally hid in the toilet until they'd gone but I know they'd clocked me coming out and must have known I heard them and there were lots of rolly eyes and smirks. These women are in their 40's, as am l. I'm not usually a mug but I didn't say a word because I didn't want to ruin my friends' anniversary and now I feel so upset. Not because I want them to like me because I don't need people like that but I barely know them, have done nothing to them and they made me feel like shit. I didn't tell DH either or he would have said something. Why do people have to be so fucking horrible, what do they get out of it?

OP posts:
FunkyPeacock · 04/05/2015 10:26

They sound vile!

AyMamita · 04/05/2015 10:27

Bitches! I would have said something or accidentally spilt red wine on one of them

iwonder24 · 04/05/2015 10:27

Oh they sound horrid and incredibly childish. And you know that but it must still have been horrible for you to be in that situation. Honestly, it's just a reflexion on them - people are only horrible about other people if they feel bad about themselves. They were obviously jealous in some way!

CaptainAnkles · 04/05/2015 10:29

Does your friend know how nasty they being towards you?

skinnyamericano · 04/05/2015 10:29

I'm sorry you had to put up with these overgrown playground bullies.

I too don't understand grown women behaving like this, but please don't let them make you feel rubbish. I'm sure you looked lovely, and whatever you looked like you can be sure that you are one hell of a lot better on the inside than them!

daisychain01 · 04/05/2015 10:29

There are small blessings in life, and your blessing in that they live 100 miles away so you hopefully will never have to socialise with them anymore.

They sound like they have no social awareness, boundaries or self esteem to be so objectionable to a person they have rarely met. I'd see them as figures of pity ....

I'm sure your outfit was just fine, shame they are ugly on the inside!

TalcAndTurnips · 04/05/2015 10:29

Wilbur - that is so sad to hear.

These people are bullies - and probably always were bullies too. All you can comfort yourself with is the speculation that they must feel inadequate in some way, to feel the need to put others down.

You had the dignity to not react to their bullying - they are beneath your contempt.

Mitzi50 · 04/05/2015 10:29

Bitches

WilburIsSomePig · 04/05/2015 10:30

The thing is, one of them is usually fairly pleasant when I've met her before, if no one else is around. So basically if she has no one else to talk to she'd talk to me. I don't know why I've let it bother me so much.

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 04/05/2015 10:30

Great Xpost skinny Grin

skinnyamericano · 04/05/2015 10:31

I think your friend probably talks about you in glowing terms to these friends, so they are jealous of your general loveliness!

PtolemysNeedle · 04/05/2015 10:31

YANBU, they are horrible people. Unfortunately some people are just horrible, and they can only try and make their horrible selves feel better by bringing down others because the conventional way of being nice doesn't work for them.

DownWithThisTypeOfThing · 04/05/2015 10:31

'why the hell did they invite Wilbur she's not in our group and we hardly know her' and my favourite gem 'I don't know what she thinks she looks like in that dress' (actually I know I looked shit because I always look shit but I had tried)

That is fucking horrible. Be glad you're not in their "group" - you're too good for them.

WilburIsSomePig · 04/05/2015 10:31

I didn't say anything to our friends I didn't want to spoil their night and it sounds so petty.

OP posts:
AgentProvocateur · 04/05/2015 10:32

They sound hideous. And I bet you looked gorgeous. I'm sorry they spoilt what sounds like an otherwise lovely night. I thought people grew out of that behaviour in their teens.

skinnyamericano · 04/05/2015 10:32

Grin daisy

Blueandwhitelover · 04/05/2015 10:33

it bothers you because you are probably a lovely person who wouldn't dream of hurting anyone's feelings! Some people are just mean girls whether they are 18 or 48!

daisychain01 · 04/05/2015 10:33

Next time you meet them, make a point of being really really super-nice. Best smile, make some under-stated compliments, and looking gorgeous and confident.

That'll piss 'em off big-time.

joopy79 · 04/05/2015 10:33

I hate that attitude. Women who have their group of friends and decide they've got enough friends so that the can be vile to anyone outside the group.
I have a similar but less extreme problem with a group of expat friends. My 'friend' says I should come out with them but then never invites me. This week I rang her up to suggest lunch, she invited me to drinks then uninvited me saying it'd be too hard for me to get there! We vaguely arranged to meet today but she's not responding to my messages.
Anyway Wilbur, be thankful you're not one of those women and stick to seeing your friend on her own.

flora717 · 04/05/2015 10:33

Well they really are gems aren't they? You turned up to celebrate a friend's happy event and they were there to stick with who they knew and ridicule those they don't.
I see their social circle dwindling rapidly with that attitude.

AlternativeTentacles · 04/05/2015 10:33

You maybe want to follow up with your friends and suggest if you meet again that it is just the two couples as her friends obviously don't think you were good enough to be in 'their group' and you wouldn't want to have to put them through the pain and trauma again. The poor dears.

FarFromAnyRoad · 04/05/2015 10:34

Oh I wouldn't be able to sit on my hands for this one I'm afraid. I loathe behaviour like that. I'd probably live to regret it but I'd get in touch - maybe via FB so I could block them afterwards - and tell them just how much they'd hurt me. I ask them what they got out of that and if they be happy to find out someone had acted like that to their daughter or sister. I would explain to them that their horrible bitchy pointless chit chat had succeeded in making me feel like shit on what should have been a happy occasion and that actually, I would be talking to the host and explaining that I would be unable to attend any future events at which they were present due to their ghastly conduct. I'd do all of that because there'd be nothing to lose - you already feel like shit so what's the worst that could happen. Also I'm of an age where I no longer give a flying fuck - been that non-confrontational person for too long - but I understand you might not be like that. Gird your loins and let the fuckers know - it might just make them think.
Hope you feel better soon.

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derxa · 04/05/2015 10:34

What a pair of fucking cunts. Were they drunk? Were they jealous because you are older friends to the anniversary friend? Take the moral high ground. You would never do this because you are a much better person. Btw Try not to run yourself down. Vent away on here. Someone else will give some good advice.

WilburIsSomePig · 04/05/2015 10:36

I do think sometimes that some people seem to be almost gleeful about putting someone down. I can't imagine how it makes them feel good.

OP posts:
hobNong · 04/05/2015 10:36

Oh Wilbur Sad. That sounds awful.

They sound absolutely pathetic. I truly believe that when people are mean like that it is because they have insecurities and are jealous about something. Just be glad that they aren't your friends. Horrible people!

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