12 year olds having phones on a sleepover

[innerturmoil]

So my DD (12) asked if she could have an impromptu sleepover last night with 2 friends she was hanging out with after school. I said yes. I have 2 other younger kids 8 and 10. I let the older girls watch a film in a bedroom but said that at 10-10:30 when the film was over that the TV went off and they had to put their phones away. My DD went crazy because she wanted to keep her phone with her all night (usually she leaves it downstairs at bedtime) and said that the others would have theirs on etc. I knew it would mean they would be texting/taking photos/playing games and god knows what til all hours. I didn't want to embarrass my daughter further by seizing her phone so I just told her I trusted her that she would put it away. I'm sure she didn't as they were up til 2am. What do other people do? I hate the way all our arguments are about screens! Phones/ipads etc and I worry about the stuff they access. Anyway would be good to hear what other people think/do.

[TheFlyingFauxPas]

I make an attempt to remove all tech from bedroom at bed-time on sleepovers. Usually other child is compliant so despite my ds's assertion that EVERYBODY else keeps their phone in their room all night, I assume they have a similar rule in their house. I just calmly try to put them all away. However, what's happened previously is that friend has another sodding gadget I don't know about that in collusion with my ds ends up staying in the room. I do try though and other kids ok with that.

I think late night teching can lead to problems; upsetting other children, upsetting each other, looking up stuff encouraging each other etc.

[ladygracie]

I have always just left them in their rooms & trusted that they won't use them. I've been lucky & it has only caused problems once but this child was tricky even without the phone issue.

[Topseyt]

We all have our phones in our rooms at night. They are our alarm clocks too. The kids have theirs (youngest is 12).

It would never occur to me to have this as a rule at all. I also like mine beside me at night in case of emergency (has never happened, but I feel better for it).

[MmeMorrible]

Wouldn't have occurred to me to take issue with them having phones. It's a sleepover so a special event and not a school night. As others have said they will up giggling & gossiping anyway.

[Andrewofgg]

Now I know why I am glad my DS is of an age where this was never an issue . . .

[NightsOfGethsemane]

I would have told all parents when arranging that we have a no screens after 9.00pm rule (or whatever) and that I would remove phones from all children at that time. Most parents would have no problem with this and if they did then I would not be able to accommodate their child.

[MammaTJ]

They were going to stay up late on a sleepover anyway. I would be fairly relaxed about this.

[MomOfTwoGirls2]

I allow gadgets in room on sleepovers. But it does mean they stay awake til crazy o clock. But we don't have impromptu sleepovers, midterm and holidays only.
Other than sleepovers all Internet gadgets must be left downstairs where I can see them.

[ThroughThickAndThin01]

Sleepovers = phones in room.

I tend to write off sleepovers for the dc to get any actual sleep. We don't have them often.

[titchy]

Of course they were up till 2am - that's kind of the fun thing about a sleepover. Whether they had phones or not they were always going to stay awake.

think yourself lucky you didn't have to tell them to shut up and go to sleep when it was 4am

[IHaveBrilloHair]

It wouldn't occur to me to take dd's phone never mind anyone else's.

[lemonyone]

As someone who does a lot of sleepovers for my DD (because her friends are scattered far and wide) her friends know that I have a 'no-tech-in-the-bedroom' rule.

I don't give a flying shit what is normal for the friend at home. Phones are often like crack-cocaine for kids (and adults) and the two times my DD had friends who had phones in the room, the kids were like zombies the next day. I hadn't realised that a 9YO would be given a phone so young!

The 'emergency' excuse IMO is bogus. The parents have our home number so can contact us.
We have lots of fun with the girls - swimming, pizza and movie nights, popcorn and ice cream sundae making parties. All of that means they are ready for bed at 10pm and although I don't mind them giggling till 12, I'd rather they weren't spending the time in their own cellular bubbles.

[SecretSquirrels]

Sleepovers are not supposed to involve sleep

[titchy]

Agree lemony for a 9yo. Not for 12 yo at secondary school.

[stateoftheart]

I would be worried about them having unlimited access to the Internet at 12!!

My DS had a sleep over when he was 11, his friend brought his phone ( not a smart phone) and they were prancing calling friends mum at 11pm! I really felt I couldn't take his phone off him though so asked that he put it away.

[Bodyinpyjamas10]

Op I think you are picking the wrong battles here

Sleepovers are all about staying up late, gossiping, texting screens, eating junk food and watching films.

I would be furious to be honest i a Mum took my dds phone off her at a sleepover.

Your dd is right. You need to relax and pick more serious battle or the teenage years will be a war zone for u both.

[malteserzz]

Sleepovers to me are about relaxing the rules, letting them eat too many sweets and stay up late, I wouldn't think of taking phones away

[lemonyone]

Titchy - my DD is 12 now! I still don't want phones in the room at night. Or TVs or iPads. Perhaps I'm an overly harsh parent but I feel like there is a different kind of fun the girls have when they are mucking around at midnight without a phone.

So far no kids have complained other than the odd jokey "Aw!" when I take the tech away. I kind of feel like we more than compensate them with all the fun I let them have at ours - nail painting, making stupid magazines, doing hair, watching movies and eating popcorn etc. We're kind of known as the parents who are actually happy to play Cluedo with the sleeepover kids, and they seem to really love that.

[lemonyone]

Body - why would you be furious?

If you need to contact your DD surely you could phone the parents house? I don't take away phones in a horrible way, I just explain it at the beginning and so far the girls have been more than happy. Otherwise they wouldn't keep coming back.

[Silvercatowner]

I echo the pick your battles. These parents who are concerned about phones in rooms during sleepovers are going to have a biiiiig shock in a few years time.

[morethanpotatoprints]

I have a rule of no screens in bedrooms, not even tv's.
on sleepovers they stay downstairs until bedtime and can use them as they like.
I find they have more fun this way and actually talk to each other, giggle, act silly, tell stupid stories and use their imaginations.

[Bodyinpyjamas10]

nights sorry but to go that to a high school Aged child is clearly begging for that child to be teased and bullied.

I would also think any parent taking a phone off a child at a sleepover was deliberately stopping that child from contacting their parents.

Please never do this. It's wierd.

[shewept]

Last time dd had a friend over, the phones left their room at bed time. Both dd and friend didn't have a problem. I believe the friend has this rule as well.

But the rule would still be there in my house, whether it was in her house or not.

[lemonyone]

Phew Morethan - that's how I feel too. I was starting to think I was weird.

I've seen 'pick your battle' on here a few times. But for me, technology is already a battle. I don't mind seeing my DD a bit of a zombie after a sleepover, as long as the kids have not been staring at tiny screens to get that way. Luckily, my DD seems to respect this and knows when she needs to hand over her iPad etc.