Aibu to phone Jo Jingles leader who has started to blatently exclude & ignore my 2 year old, help me plan my approach:(

(208 Posts)
indiana7 Fri 01-May-15 14:01:49

My dd has been going to JJ since she was a baby & adores the classes so much , she has all the cds, the doll, talks about the classes & the leader constantly
However over the past few weeks the leader has taken an obvious dislike towards her & it's very obvious. My dd is extremely outgoing & loves to run up at the start of class with "her news" etc. She answers all the questions the leader asks but leader ignores dd & waits for someone else to answer & pretends they were they were the first to, always makes dd(who sits & waits patiently) wait until last for her instrument, then compliments other child on their "great waiting"! DD went for her nap their say X never heard me telling her the animals names, did I tell her loudly enough?( Dd is extremely articulate for age) then started crying saying X doesn't like me

It is breaking my heart, I was furious leaving the class as my dd was the only child that the leader didn't play with under the parachute, dd went over to where she was & sat beside her & she turned her back on her

I have had plenty of run ins with passive aggressive people throughout my life & have never stood up for myself. However I feel I have to fight dd's corner as she loves Jo Jingles & there is nothing else around here either for her to go to. Dd is so confident(something I never & still don't have) & I don't want that knocked out of her. Should I phone her & what do I say?

Ps leaving the class today another mom randomly commented to me "she does have her favourites doesn't she"

MyIronLung Fri 01-May-15 14:04:59

Make an official complaint.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall Fri 01-May-15 14:06:01

Is your DD dominating the class somewhat always wanting to tell her 'news' and be first to do things?
I know it's hurtful but sometimes being objective about our children's behaviour can be a real eye opener. Try to take a step back and if this is the case maybe reign DD in a bit, allow the other children to be centre stage.
If this isn't the case then complain to whoever is this woman's manager if you don't feel up to confronting her. But in all find another class don't stress over something that's non essential and meant to be fun.

98percentchocolate Fri 01-May-15 14:08:46

I would try to talk to the class leader and see what she has to say for herself and see if things change after that if dd really loves the class.
It is awful to see somebody hurting your child though so I wouldn't blame you if you'd rather just withdraw her. In that case, I'd make detailed notes of incidents with date and (if you have it) time and present those to the company. It is bad if other parents are picking up on it too.
Your poor DD xxx

ImNameyChangey Fri 01-May-15 14:08:53

It does sound bad. It sounds to me like she's noticed your outgoing DD was perhaps claiming more attention than others but has swung too far in the other direction. Can you write a complaint? Or are you brave enough to tackle her directly? I'd be tempted to do it by letter though to the HQ> I THINK though that they are a franchise...it may be hard to get something done about it. It might be a good idea to find a new group

ImNameyChangey Fri 01-May-15 14:08:54

It does sound bad. It sounds to me like she's noticed your outgoing DD was perhaps claiming more attention than others but has swung too far in the other direction. Can you write a complaint? Or are you brave enough to tackle her directly? I'd be tempted to do it by letter though to the HQ> I THINK though that they are a franchise...it may be hard to get something done about it. It might be a good idea to find a new group

98percentchocolate Fri 01-May-15 14:09:09

I would try to talk to the class leader and see what she has to say for herself and see if things change after that if dd really loves the class.
It is awful to see somebody hurting your child though so I wouldn't blame you if you'd rather just withdraw her. In that case, I'd make detailed notes of incidents with date and (if you have it) time and present those to the company. It is bad if other parents are picking up on it too.
Your poor DD xxx

indiana7 Fri 01-May-15 14:10:23

It was heartbreaking watching today, I was going to stand up at one stage & say my dd is shouting out all the colours (dd kept looking to me for reassurance so I overly praised her ovbiously). Dd is a lovely child, gets on great with all the other group in the class(who are all great), never runs around, waits her turn & always shares. We go to other classes but Jo Jingles has the nicest group of kids(& mums!!) so I don't want to stop going but dd's confidence is diminishing slowlysad

GuybrushThreepwoodMightyPirate Fri 01-May-15 14:10:29

It does sound like there's something amiss here, but before you speak to her are you absolutely certain that your dd hasn't been monopolising the teacher and she's just trying to redress the balance?

Assuming you are right then I would wait for the end of the next session and have a brief, quiet word and avoid accusing her of ignoring your dd if possible. Give one or two specific examples to illustrate your point.

Poor dd, hope she can continue to enjoy her sessions!

CocktailQueen Fri 01-May-15 14:13:02

Hard to advise here without hearing the JJ teacher's end of things!

Perhaps your dd has been monopolising the class, always being the first to shout out. That can get wearing, and the JJ teacher might want to let others have a go. But I suggest you ask her, quietly, at the end of your next session.

indiana7 Fri 01-May-15 14:15:35

No not at all, the other kids all run up to X at the startsad I think said leader might have a few passive aggressive tendancies & is taking them out on dd. Not being a boastful mom but dd is extremely articulate but during the class she only speaks when the leader asks a question but her answer is always ignored, dd repeats herself & then just puts her head down & looks at me for reassurance... I was going to phone her this afternoon. JJ is a franchise..

ImNameyChangey Fri 01-May-15 14:16:29

Having taught a Stagecoach class or two it can be very easy to concentrate on the more confident DC. The ones who are louder, first to volunteer...they're just there more...in your face...I had to really try quite hard to make sure the shyer children got attention. It may have seemed as though I was suddenly ignoring the usual participants.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall Fri 01-May-15 14:17:33

You do seem to think your DD needs heaps of praise- what about the other children?

ImNameyChangey Fri 01-May-15 14:18:10

Well phone her up and just be clear about it. Say something like "I wanted to speak to you about DD. She's noticed that she hasn't been acknowledged when she answers questions and has asked me why. Could you tell me why?"

Don't apologise for your query. It sounds like it's her not you.

ImperialBlether Fri 01-May-15 14:18:37

Yes, but let's just say that the OP's daughter is bouncing up with the answers first - the teacher should just say, "Hold on sweetheart, let one of the others have a go now" and everyone would be happy. This teacher is turning her back on the child. That is a horrible thing to do.

Aeroflotgirl Fri 01-May-15 14:20:30

That is unacceptable, even if dd appeared to be dominating the class, the leader should have said, miniIndiana please would you wait a bit please. I will let x, y answer that question, as they have not had a go. You have mentioned that your dd does wait, and in the class only speaks when the leader asks her a question. No it is not acceptable for an adult to treat a toddler like that. If its her own business, I would remove her from the session. Or make a complaint.

indiana7 Fri 01-May-15 14:20:34

I hate seeing Dd upset, will I be "that mom" if I ring her? Would it have even more negative repurcussions for her? My parents growing up never approached authority figures about any issues I was having as they were afraid to draw attention to me in their absence. I always said I would stand up for my dd's with teachers etc if I had to.

MiaowTheCat Fri 01-May-15 14:20:45

There are ways of dealing with the kind of personality your dd has without squishing the spark out of a child. Dd1 is very like this and her preschool deal with it gently, acknowledge she knows the answer but remind her other children need to get the chance to tell the answer too- I'd be pissed off if they were being as unkind as in your post.

Notyouagaintoday Fri 01-May-15 14:22:04

It's hard to be objective sometimes regarding our dc. Of course you want her to enjoy herself and it's awful to see her overlooked. I agree with pp about allowing others some limelight. I doubt the leader is being unkind deliberately because running these kind of groups require you to actually really like being around children. Maybe take a break for a few weeks. I wouldn't complain it won't win friends or influence anyone.

lemonyone Fri 01-May-15 14:22:42

I feel for you, your DD and the leader of this group.

As someone who was a rainbows/brownie leader I can tell you that it can be really tough to have a confident, chatty little cute kid in your group. Unfortunately, they do often dominate the group and it can mean that the quieter children don't get a look in. You can gently try and get a child to wait their turn, but it can be frustrating to balance their enthusiasm and a bit overwhelming. What can also happen is that if you give them an inch - they take a mile and the quieter members get left out all over again. It doesn't mean to say that you don't like them, but it's just that the puppyish enthusiasm can be a bit much.

I wonder if this leader had it pointed out to her that other children weren't getting so much of a look in, and she has accidentally gone too far the other way in trying to create balance?

I would have a gentle word with her. (Especially if you want to stay in this group). Express your concerns that your DD's outgoingness might be causing a problem and how can you both fix it. If you approach it that way, perhaps the class will become fun again. Alternatively, you can go in on the 'damn you - my child is really upset' route. But if you do that, perhaps you won't have such a nice resolution and will end up having to leave as it will feel awkward.

HTH. Your DD sounds wonderful. I would have loved to have been a confident child, but I was a shy one as well!

Paddingtonthebear Fri 01-May-15 14:24:29

She sounds quite dominant. But that's not her fault, she's just a kid. To be honest I wouldn't be happy paying for something where I and my child was made to feel unhappy or uncomfortable. I would address if directly with the leader and 1) say that it is obvious to my child and other mums in the group that you are ignoring her 2) why is that and 3) I don't really want to continue spending money on the class unless it changes so can you come to a resolution with her.

RachelWatts Fri 01-May-15 14:26:19

If the teacher is trying to make sure the shy children get a go, she's risking your DD deciding she needs to shout louder and quicker in order to be noticed...

indiana7 Fri 01-May-15 14:30:06

Thanks for all the replies, I was going to let it go but she was upset going to bed saying X doesn't like her so I was like that is awful for a 2 year old to feel an adult doesn't like her... I can't let it go. As a child I had awful issues with a primary school teacher however my parents were afraid to approach... This jj teacher has her favourites though alright. If she wanted the shyer ones involved she could easily call the child by it's name & ask " X what colour is this"
I feel I would be failing dd if I didn't phone her. I was thinking of saying
"Hi X, dd was a quite upset going for her nap as she feels you don't like her"

SquiddlyDiddlyDoo Fri 01-May-15 14:31:35

Lemonyone's advice above is spot on. Nothing to add

ApocalypseThen Fri 01-May-15 14:35:30

*I feel I would be failing dd if I didn't phone her. I was thinking of saying
"Hi X, dd was a quite upset going for her nap as she feels you don't like her"*

I think if you were to take this approach it might be hard to go back. It's quite blamey and it's not the kind of thing that most will take very well.

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