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AIBU?

to think this is appalling?

24 replies

ginmakesitallok · 28/04/2015 18:07

DDS best friends parents are separated/divorced (don't know full details). They don't get on at all.

Dd and bf have an activity this weekend, been arranged for weeks. It's an hour an half drive away. I saw the mum this morning (who knows about the event) and asked if she wanted me to take bf to save her having to travel. She said that bf was at her dad's this weekend. I asked for his number so I could arrange things with him. DP saw the dad today and asked him about it. He knew nothing about it. The mum hadn't told him. If DP hadn't mentioned it he would not have known.

Aibu to think that no matter how they feel about each other it was a shitty thing not to tell him and that the only person who suffers is bf?

Girls have been looking forward to event, involves an overnight stay.

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FenellaFellorick · 28/04/2015 18:09

How old is the child?

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WorraLiberty · 28/04/2015 18:10

It might not be true.

My ex used to swear blind I hadn't told him something when I'd actually told him repeatedly.

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FenellaFellorick · 28/04/2015 18:11

Damn phone.
An older child youd expect to mention something like that at least. Well any child eeally.
I wonder if it's not telling or not listening its win

But yes. Parents should clearly communicate and share info of course.

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madreloco · 28/04/2015 18:12

You have no idea why they are apart and why they don't speak, if they don't. And its none of your business anyway. Wind your neck in.

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nickersinaknot · 28/04/2015 18:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ginmakesitallok · 28/04/2015 18:17

I didn't say that the reason they'd split up was any of my business? Don't need my neck wound in thank you.

Maybe he is lying, who knows? But I've spoken with mum before and she's never mentioned that bf was at her dad's before, so I believe him.

They are 11, and yes surprised bf didn't mention it to him.

It's my business because I have to deal with dd when bf doesn't go to activity and she is upset that she has to go alone.

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basgetti · 28/04/2015 18:21

You said yourself that you don't know the details behind their split. Maybe she has good reason to have as little communication with him as possible. Being 'appalled' seems a bit extreme.

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PeachyPants · 28/04/2015 18:22

I can understand why you are pissed off but at 11 I think the BF is old enough to tell her dad herself even if mum didn't, I don't think it reaches the 'appalling' threshold tbh.

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Icimoi · 28/04/2015 18:25

I don't think a parent can really have good reasons for totally failing to communicate with their ex about matters concerning their children's care when on contact visits. They must have some means of communicating to arrange things and to deal with emergencies, it surely can't be difficult to send a message saying "DD is due to go on X activity this weekend, can you take her" or something similar.

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madreloco · 28/04/2015 18:26

I didn't say that the reason they'd split up was any of my business? Don't need my neck wound in thank you.

You don't think the reason they split up just might have some bearing on if and how they communicate now? Which you do seem to think is enough of your business to announce online how "appalling" they are?

Just because your kid is whining doesn't mean this other families arrangements have anything to do with you.

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ginmakesitallok · 28/04/2015 18:52

The reason they split is of no interest to me, irrespective of the reason they split they should be able to have basic communication about their child, who's needs surely come first? And I do think it's appalling that their child is stuck in the middle of this and they can't behave like adults.

My child isn't whining, she'll be upset if her friend can no longer go.

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madreloco · 28/04/2015 19:06

You really don't get it it all. It. Is. Not. Your. Business. You know nothing about it. If you like drama, watch eastenders. Hmm

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finnbarrcar · 28/04/2015 19:09

I don't think it's appalling. I think you're annoyed because your dd was affected by it, which is understandable but far from "appalling".

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ragged · 28/04/2015 19:14

I bet it's exactly as it appears & yes it's appalling but since you can't fix it gotta find work arounds.

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nickersinaknot · 28/04/2015 19:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

finnbarrcar · 28/04/2015 19:20

I know couples who have terrible communication who aren't separated. Drove me insane when my dcs were younger saying to a grown man /woman "so are we all sorted for x event on Saturday?" only to be met with a blank look.

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nameuschangeus · 28/04/2015 19:23

I've had a similar situation with my ds's friend's parents. Child was invited to ds's birthday party, mum accepted the invitation but the party was on dad's contact day. Totally coincidentally we bumped into the child and his dad on the day before the party and he knew nothing about it. Had we not met up the child wouldn't have come to ds's party. I send any messages to both parents now and cover all options.

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ginmakesitallok · 28/04/2015 19:23

Mad, get over yourself pet. I've already said that their relationship or lack of it is none of my business. It's not me creating the drama.

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ginmakesitallok · 28/04/2015 19:26

I think that the mum just like causing the dad as much hassle as possible, that it would suit her for her dd to arrive at his house to announce that she had to be at event next day and that whatever plans he had would be ruined. I dont know about their relationship, but I do know through other incidents that she is not the most reasonable of human beings.

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INickedAName · 28/04/2015 19:43

Dds bf lives 50/50 with her parents, I just ask which parent she's staying with when we want to take her out with us, and then organise directly with that parent, ill text a day or two before to make sure it's all still on, usually though the bf has told parents about it before I text them.

You said there was no mention of her being at dad's up until today, and the mum gave you his number, but your dp saw him today, it's possible it could be a recent change in contact? and when mum agreed initially her dd might have meant to have been with her, she could have reasonably thought her dd would tell her dad, she will be excited I'd imagine, and that he'd sort with you direct.

It could be one of a million other justifiable reasons why she hasn't spoken to dad though, I'd let it go and just make sure to check who has contact in future.

Hope your dd and her bf has a great time.

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lollilou · 28/04/2015 20:35

Hang on you said in your post you asked for his number. If she gave it to you then I would imagine she thought you would ring him and arrange it. Or did I get that wrong?

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GoringBit · 28/04/2015 20:44

Good god, there are some swivel-eyed frothers interesting posters about this evening. Is it full moon?

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ginmakesitallok · 28/04/2015 21:07

Maybe she was planning on telling him later this week? Just seems odd as its been arranged for months. Yes of course I'm going to let it go, but rather than offering to help in the future I'll just let them sort it out themselves.

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ragged · 28/04/2015 21:56

My aunt was lecturing her little brother (my uncle who has had bitter divorce, I hope it's obvious this is metamorphical!)

"You and your ex-wife fire bullets at each other the only ones who get hit are your kids".

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