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AIBU?

AIBU to tell my 11 year old that Father Christmas didn't exist?

109 replies

Bombinate · 25/04/2015 21:24

I thought she had some idea, and I thought she should know before she goes to secondary school. She had no idea, and cried when I told her( I told her very gently). I feel terrible, was i being unreasonable?

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 25/04/2015 21:29

No, don't feel terrible, I think it was the 'kindest' thing to do given that she'd probably be ribbed to shit at secondary and at least she could find out in private in a nice way with you telling her.

Did she really not even suspect? Or was it the fact that you'd said it out loud so there was no doubt that upset her?

When DD1 voiced her suspicions I googled how to deal with it and the best way seemed to turn it round into making them feel special to be part of the lie now and making Christmas for other children who still go along with it.

itsnotmeitsyou1 · 25/04/2015 21:32

Not at all, sorry she was upset, but most kids have figured it by now. Best thing to do, she'll be in secondary by next Christmas, but you've given plenty of time to digest it. Better than being teased by older kids come next December. She might be a bit cross, but she'll soon get over it I'm sure.

DisappointedOne · 25/04/2015 21:33

She might have been more upset about you blatantly lying to her for 11+ years!

DisappointedOne · 25/04/2015 21:34

When DD1 voiced her suspicions I googled how to deal with it and the best way seemed to turn it round into making them feel special to be part of the lie now and making Christmas for other children who still go along with it.

That's horrendous.

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 25/04/2015 21:36

I think it was the wrong time to do it.

I bet she is already stressed and worried about her SATS.

But you was right in telling her.

laughingcow13 · 25/04/2015 21:36

what made you think about this in April ?

AgentZigzag · 25/04/2015 21:36

Hehe DisappointedOne, I'm a terrible mother with my blatant lies and bribery Grin

laughingcow13 · 25/04/2015 21:37

She might have been more upset about you blatantly lying to her for 11+ years!
^^this!^^

AuditAngel · 25/04/2015 21:38

About 18 months ago DS expressed doubts. I fobbed him off (St the time mainly because his younger sister was also involved). Last Christmas he clearly didn't believe do we had a chat about becoming a "magic maker" which happens when you stop believing in the magic.

He totally bought into this and was fantastic with his 7 year old sister.

If this hadn't happened, I would have had the conversation this year.

AgentZigzag · 25/04/2015 21:39

I lie to my DDs about all sorts of things all the time Shock

The Fat Man is the least of them.

DontOpenDeadInside · 25/04/2015 21:39

I'm pretty sure dd1 (11) knows. She definitely knows about the tooth fairy cos a tooth fell out and I forgot to change it for money, so when i went in in the morning i said oh look the t f has been and swapped the tooth for the money lol. Anyhow I have a letter along the lines of this for when/if she asks.

Dear Lucy,

Thank you for your letter. You asked a very good question: “Are you Santa?”

I know you’ve wanted the answer to this question for a long time, and I’ve had to give it careful thought to know just what to say.

The answer is no. I am not Santa. There is no one Santa.

I am the person who fills your stockings with presents, though. I also choose and wrap the presents under the tree, the same way my mom did for me, and the same way her mom did for her. (And yes, Daddy helps, too.)

I imagine you will someday do this for your children, and I know you will love seeing them run down the stairs on Christmas morning. You will love seeing them sit under the tree, their small faces lit with Christmas lights.

This won’t make you Santa, though.

Santa is bigger than any person, and his work has gone on longer than any of us have lived. What he does is simple, but it is powerful. He teaches children how to have belief in something they can’t see or touch.

It’s a big job, and it’s an important one. Throughout your life, you will need this capacity to believe: in yourself, in your friends, in your talents and in your family. You’ll also need to believe in things you can’t measure or even hold in your hand. Here, I am talking about love, that great power that will light your life from the inside out, even during its darkest, coldest moments.

Santa is a teacher, and I have been his student, and now you know the secret of how he gets down all those chimneys on Christmas Eve: he has help from all the people whose hearts he’s filled with joy.

With full hearts, people like Daddy and me take our turns helping Santa do a job that would otherwise be impossible.

So, no. I am not Santa. Santa is love and magic and hope and happiness. I’m on his team, and now you are, too.

I love you and I always will.

Mama

AgentZigzag · 25/04/2015 21:42

I think the best answer to give to 'does FC exist' once they're older is 'what do you think'.

You can gauge what they think at the same time giving them an opening to say they maybe don't.

Babymamaroon · 25/04/2015 21:43

When I was in year 7 just coming up to Christmas, my DM told me Fr C didn't exist as I'd told her I'd had a debate at school whereby everyone else said he didn't exist and I insisted he did. She told me the truth for the same reasons as you did. I was only 11 and a few months. It was heartbreaking I must say but did no long term damage whatsoever and I know she did it for my own sake. That's a great Mum in my book.

DisappointedOne · 25/04/2015 21:43

Oh jeez, someone pas a bucket.

DisappointedOne · 25/04/2015 21:43

*pass me

morethanpotatoprints · 25/04/2015 21:44

No, YANBU.

I think its cruel to keep it going too long and at secondary they get the piss taken out of them.
I told my dd and she wasn't that bad but thought I was mean at first.
She still tells everyone I killed Father Christmas Grin

DisappointedOne · 25/04/2015 21:45

We've been prepared to do this since DD was 2. We've never created the lie or told her it's real. She can believe if she chooses to. At 4.5 there's no sign she does, despite having been at school last xmas.

AgentZigzag · 25/04/2015 21:45

Having a bad day Disappointed?

You don't have to post if it's making you feel worse.

DisappointedOne · 25/04/2015 21:45

Quote got missed from that.

We've been prepared to do this I think the best answer to give to 'does FC exist' once they're older is 'what do you think'.

DisappointedOne · 25/04/2015 21:46

Not at all Zigzag.

Walkingonsunshine00 · 25/04/2015 21:46

My dd found out about that age but still likes to believe it iyswim

bottleofbeer · 25/04/2015 21:46

No, you have to tell them really at that age.

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LaurieFairyCake · 25/04/2015 21:47

I think the best answer is to Wink heavily and say "only those who believe in Father Christmas get stockings"

My lovely Mil still says that to my 30 year old SlL Grin

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 25/04/2015 21:48

I think they should probably have worked it out by 11 so yanbu.

MrsKoala · 25/04/2015 22:00

It's really odd about FC. I never 'believed'. My parents made it so obvious from the start (because they wanted all the praise) that FC was just a euphemism for what your parents buy you for xmas. (ie me: can i have x? Mum/Dad 'maybe FC will buy it for you',

I assumed that was the case for everyone - that it was just a funny lie we all colluded in. But no. After reading a thread on here i (laughingly) asked DH about when he was told. He became very sombre and said he still regards it as one of the worst days of his life. He was also eleven. When i laughed thinking he was joking he got very upset with me and genuinely felt distress at the conversation. We are now never allowed to talk about it. I feel really sad for him.

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