AIBU to think this is playing with fire??

[itsalljustaphase]

Weve been together 15 years, have small child, love each other but have probably been through the same strains over the last few years many couples do when they're sleep deprived, working and trying to maintain friendships/ see family. She's attractive fun and flirty (so is hubby) and spends time with him as they have hobbies in common. I trust him, have male friends and think men and women can be genuine friends without there being any undercurrents. I'm not sure I trust her (I've only met her a few times)- gut feeling is shes just flirty with lots ofmpeople like this HOWEVER she asked hubby away for a milestone birthday 'just the two of us?', messages him at least every fortnight (sometimes 10 times in a day), tells him who shes been having sex with, offers him 'big snogs' etc, AIBU to think this is playing with fire? When I said I wasnt happy he offered to cut all contact as our family is more important to him than any friendship, but i dont want to be that jealous controlling woman who wants such a thing.

[Nanny0gg]

Take him up on his offer.

[SummerTuityFruity]

Well I must be a jealous controlling woman as there is no way I'd be comfortable with Dh having this friendship.

[ImNameyChangey]

Yes...take him up on his offer! She sounds like a frootloop who is obsessed with him!

[MuttonCadet]

Yes take him up on his offer, "just the two of us" on a milestone birthday (or ever come to think of it), just no.

[gamerchick]

Yes take him up on his offer.

[NotallTravellersarebad]

Playing its fire isn't an expression is use to describe what you have written.
This is unacceptable, he needs to, if he is serious, explain to her that he is in a committed relationship and that her suggestions are impossible. Maybe I'm possessive but he could be misjudged for leading her on if not.

[itsalljustaphase]

thanks everyone. He did assume it was a group of his friends not just her. I think even just the act of writing it down here has helped me clarify it a bit in my mind. i dont think many people set out to have an affair, i think that its probably relationships like these that have the risk of going further if things get rough at home/ people get drunk etc. I'd pull back from any friend who talked with me like that as i'd feel uncomfortable and disloyal, and i think actually thats what is really bothering me (why hasn't he? I know he thinks its 'just banter' and she doesnt mean it/ feels 'sorry for her' as so many girls dont like her - and several of my friends husbands think she's 'just missunderstood' too.). what i probably need to do is to chat to hubby (calmly) about why he hasnt pulled back sooner but waited for me to get upset. And take him up on his offer hoping after we've talked he doesnt ever put me into the position where i feel the need to ask again.

[itsalljustaphase]

Oh and helped me realíse im not being unreasonable!

[Charis1]

You're not being unreasonable, she is.

[ilovesooty]

I'm a big believer in men and women being able to be friends but even I reckon she's crossed boundaries there. No you're not unreasonable. She's behaving inappropriately.

[itsalljustaphase]

He's just jokey, when she says things like she'll give gim a snog he says things like no thanks keep your dirty cooties to yourself. Which is typical him (hes v friendly, genuinely likes most people/ is usually kind in his assessment of people even if they do mess up as we are all human and can behave badly etc). I dont think he is interested, i just dont feel comfortable.