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AIBU?

Sick child ????

16 replies

Mylittlepotofjoy · 22/04/2015 20:49

I feel dreadful to doubt my friend has been telling me of her son who is apparently Ill . He was having problems being a bit weary after excise and a bit off colour.

They went to go who referred him for chest X-ray and an ect and apparently got the following results although my friend has only spoken to go on the phone , perihiliar vascular congestion and azygous fixture on the right. Also she has been told he has a grade 3 heart murmur Now less than a week later he is having chest pains when walking so has been told to rest in bed.

Now there is a lot of back history of imaginary illnesses so I'm trying to to be harsh. But the gp checked my friend could preform cpr and said that's fine then just monitor him !!!!!! Now surely if he is likely to need cpr he should have seen a Dr and be in hospital ????? The child is 10 and I don't want him to be ill obviously but I don't want to be drawn into the fantasies again either . So mn what do other people think is this all odd or the hospital and gp being very slack ????

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ilovesooty · 22/04/2015 20:53

You weren't privy to the consultation and neither were we. I don't see how it's possible to judge.

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Mylittlepotofjoy · 22/04/2015 20:56

No that's where I have my doubts as there has been no consultations just an X-ray and ecg. I feel bad but this person has been using my families illnesses to pretend her children are sick for years and it is very distressing to us

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Chocolatefudgebrownieicecream · 22/04/2015 21:01

The comment about being able to do cpr followed by oh we will monitor him then.... That surely cannot be true/accurate? If a go said that to me I would be straight down to the hospital! If cpr is likely to be needed then the child would be in hospital... Surely! The outcome of cpr after out of hospital arrest is not good. The story is very bizarre and I would be asking specific questions. The poor child.

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Chocolatefudgebrownieicecream · 22/04/2015 21:03

Also chest pains on walking equals go to hospital to find out what's wrong, not rest in bed.

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Griphook · 22/04/2015 21:06

Either he's ill or she is

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toddlewaddleflipflop · 22/04/2015 21:07

Sounds v unlikely that a child would be diagnosed with a heard condition without a face to face consultation with a paediatric cardiologist. How is the child? Confined to bed? Being told they are sick? Missing school due to the 'condition'? Id be concerned if any of these things were happening, as they could indicate fabricated or induced illness (previously known as Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy). I say 'could' because it's a complex thing needing a thorough professional assessment. But if you were concerned about the affect on the child of mum lying about his health then you should call social services or the NSPCC.

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CallMeExhausted · 22/04/2015 21:09

Azygous fissure is not pathological. This means it is not related to disease, it is just a less common descriptive finding, like grey or violet eyes.

The perihilar vascular congestion is more specific, and will be a prompt for the child to be referred to a consultant. As is a murmur. Any parent who has a child with cardiac complaints will be asked if they know CPR - not because it is likely to be needed, but because in the infinitesimal chance that it is - it could save their lives. If the child needs to be hospitalized, he will.

Otherwise, as you are neither his parent nor his GP - how about you wind your neck in and either support his mother or keep your nose where it belongs. In your own business.

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Mylittlepotofjoy · 22/04/2015 22:16

I do want to support the mum however these type of sudden illnesses seem to crop up whenever I am ill ( I have a life limiting condition ) and as much as I want to listen and support I find it exhausting and frustrating when as before nothing is wrong with these children after demands for all sorts of tests .

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maddening · 22/04/2015 22:39

I had a friend who was a serial liar/fantasist - my then boyfriend had been at a small local primary school - all the dc were v local and all good friends - he says she was always like that - used to invent horses she owned lied about where she lived etc etc - would be passable for normal dc behaviour but it was constant and she didn't get better as she grew older - she was frequently coming up with stories - she was adopted so she made up an evil identical twin - a birth mark was the only difference, the twin lived in Canada as had been adopted by a Canadian family, she came over to visit (no one met her even her adopted dbro, she slept with my friends bf who thought it was her, she was a year younger than me, she didn't go to uni, and the jab before I finished uni she declared that she had just graduated from uni with a law degree and was a solicitor, she made up crazy scenarios and would just lie and lie (she wasn't a bad person and was a good friend but it was hard to take stuff she said when she went in to a fantasy seriously, which was fine except when she would make up stories about about abortions and rapes. She would tell me one day that she had had an abortion that morning but often it would come out by accident - eg in conversation a mutual friend had been with her that morning entirely not having an abortion or anywhere near a doctors or hospital. And it happened a lot, it was hard as you never wanted to not be supportive incase she had actually been raped or faced an abortion or quite often she would say she was pg and then a few days later she had a mc. She also said she had had a baby that was adopted, the dd was 6 and she saw her at birthdays and Xmas - however this would make her 10 when she had had her and her dbro and friends that knew her aged 10 advised that this did not happen. These are just examples, it was so often that it was obviously an issue for her but v hard to be a good friend to her.

Anyway - I understand how hard it is - a little lie is harmless but when the problem in question is awful such as rape, Loss of a child or a seriously sick dc then you worry that you could write off a real and dreadful problem due to their known behaviour of lying and fantasising, however if it is a lie how are you meant to handle it - there are potentially psychological issues at play - do you play along a potentially feed the lie or do you challenge it? and when it involves a dc it is a worry whether it is a lie or the child really is sick.

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HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 22/04/2015 22:45

I have an old friend - my oldest friend in fact - who is just like maddening's friend. It's very hard to maintain a real friendship with her.

OP to me it sounds like something approaching Munchausens.

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HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 22/04/2015 22:46

Or more accurately Munchausens-by-proxy. I am certainly no expert though!

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Mylittlepotofjoy · 23/04/2015 19:47

I juSt feel so tired of it all. I'm not god at the moment and as soon as I said this she starts telling me how I'll said child is although contrary to staying in bed resting he's been here there and everywhere all week and now her other child is very ill as we'll !!!! Just seems a little far fetched but I feel dreadful being so sceptical

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Mylittlepotofjoy · 25/04/2015 22:32

Fortunately I was right after her shouting and threatening the hospital she got an appointment and was told there is nothing wrong with her child :) hurray. That was yesterday ....... Today she says he had very bad asthma with a peak flow of 120 !!!!!! I asked if they had kept him in hospital as I suffer from brittle asthma and I know they would have one. But no apparently he is playing football !!!!! So I know this is all a pack of lies that have been going on for a long time ( this is not the first incident) every time my health falters she starts with how I'll her children are . What the hell do I do ???? It's so tiring and stressful and feels like she is taking the piss out of me

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CallMeExhausted · 25/04/2015 22:40

How about you sever contact with her and live your life knowing that you at least aren't giving her "ammunition"? I know this sounds harsh, but having a medically fragile child (legitimate, with doctors agreeing, and everything) I have had to do the same.

You will never be able to change her, but at a minimum, you can detach yourself from her.

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splodgeses · 25/04/2015 22:42

It's clearly a strained friendship. She doesn't seem to have any positive impact on your life, so why not deal with it by not seeing her anymore? It's probably best for you both.

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Mylittlepotofjoy · 25/04/2015 22:45

Call and splodge I think in my heart I know you are right . It just seems so hard :( we have been friends from childhood . I think I will start with not answering texts and calls for a while . For some unknown reason I feel scared to confront her ( never realised I was so soft !)

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