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AIBU?

The tiredness competition

23 replies

TooTiredForMuch · 18/04/2015 21:49

I need to know if I'm BU. I don't think I am but maybe the might of MN thinks so. I promise I'll listen if I am and not flounce off in denial

I've got a lot on at the moment. I am just finishing my degree, I have two kids at school (Y1 and Y2) and DS, who is at home with me. The kids all have busy extra curricular activities and I'm the one who does all of the ferrying to and fro for them. I volunteer at the kids' school one afternoon a week and I also run an after school club once a week. My DS is at nursery two days a week (the two days I do my school stuff) and I spend the mornings mostly doing medical stuff. I have blood tests weekly and I am also on biological drugs which have to be given via IV once a fortnight so with the waiting times for my appts, these can take up the majority of my non-child day mornings sometimes. I also do ALL of the house work (and our house is fairly large so it's not a quick job), all of the laundry, all the homework and all of the animal husbandry (sheep, horses, chickens etc). So that's all the stuff that I do.

I have two chronic, auto-immune disorders. On their own they cause pain and a lot of inconvenience but they also both come with crippling fatigue. I've also just been diagnosed with severe anaemia (my iron less than a third of what it should be) which has caused all sorts of problems too. The drugs I take make me feel sick and also cause fatigue. I go on frequent courses of steroids, which causes insomnia and huge weight gains! I basically go to bed exhausted and pretty much wake up feeling exactly the same.

I really struggle to do what I do and my husband's job often involves him driving an hour or so to his destination and then home again so he often doesn't get home in time to see the kids, and/or has to leave before seeing them too. At least once a week he will stay away overnight if he's got lots of people to see in the same area.

When my husband is at home, he goes to the gym two or three evenings a week and at the weekend he goes to his geeky hobby for 3 or 4 hours whilst I stay home with the kids. He doesn't generally enjoy spending much time with the kids and gets quite shouty with them.

I've recently had an operation which means I can't do any impact exercise at all. I do need to do some exercise to try and counteract the negative effect of the steroids and to keep my body moving before it seizes up forever. I've suggested to my husband that I go swimming two or three times a week. Nice and gentle but very good exercise for me. He's taken umbrage at this and says that it's not fair that he gets lumbered with the kids whilst I get to enjoy myself. I can't exercise when he's away because of the kids. He's accused me today of being lazy and says that he's tired too so deserves to have his 'me' time. He seems to be having a competition to see who is the most tired and thinks I'm being selfish to want to go and swim because it will impact on his gym time/geek time.

So...AIBU? Should I be trying to be more understanding of his stressful job and long hours? Or should he be trying to be a bit more understanding of me?

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Welshmaenad · 18/04/2015 21:51

Your husband sounds like a cunt.

Of course you should be able to go fucking swimming.

Stop volunteering, too, you have enough going in. Let the well people pick up that slack.