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AIBU?

To think friends should not make everyone walk at pace of their toddler?

83 replies

GuestCat · 17/04/2015 13:49

My friends have a 2.5-year-old DD. They rarely use a buggy though sometimes they carry her when she's tired.

I find it really annoying that when we go anywhere with them, we all have to walk at their DD's pace (which is naturally a snail's pace). I hate walking slowly. It takes ages to get anywhere and I feel they should carry her so we can all walk at normal pace. Eg last weekend we went for a country walk, there were 6 adults and 4 older children, older children ran on ahead but adults felt obliged to walk at toddler pace and talk. She likes holding parents' hands and swinging on them, which is even slower. Its the same when we go on days out.

AIBU to think they should put her in a buggy or carry her to avoid slowing down the whole group? Should I say something?

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RoganJosh · 17/04/2015 13:50

YABU.

gamerchick · 17/04/2015 13:52

I would find that irritating and would refuse to go or just go on ahead at my own pace.

muminhants · 17/04/2015 13:52

I hate walking slowly too. But no doubt most people will say yabu - how do toddlers ever learn to walk if they are carried/in a buggy etc etc.

CheeseandGherkins · 17/04/2015 13:52

So ALL the other adults feel the same way? Are you sure? Some people actually enjoy a gentle stroll. Perhaps if you feel so strongly you should offer to carry her yourself...Failing that, why don't you march on ahead and enjoy zero conversation but a brisk walk?

YABU

MrsCampbellBlack · 17/04/2015 13:54

yanbu

And I'd want to keep an eye on the other children - am assuming they're not teenagers?

flora717 · 17/04/2015 13:54

If you're out with kids / families it's polite. If you want a proper walk you need those walking companions.

Viviennemary · 17/04/2015 13:57

These walks are obviously not working for you. Either don't go on them or go on ahead and arrange to meet in a pub or cafe when they finally arrive. This would annoy me.

FrenchJunebug · 17/04/2015 13:57

YABU. Nobody is making you walk at the toddler's pace. You are choosing to do so.

hoppingmad · 17/04/2015 13:58

At 2.5 I'd think she's a bit old for a buggy. I think yabu and missing out if you are in too much of a hurry to enjoy a walk with a toddler.

FenellaFellorick · 17/04/2015 13:59

I would have thought that there isn't much fun to be had rushing through the woods to get to the end but rather the slow stroll is the nice thing.

I can see where you're coming from if you don't like walking slow but equally it's important for a young child to not be in the pushchair all the time but to learn to walk, to balance, to get over rough ground - and to feel part of things. So there has to be a compromise. Perhaps walk some of the way and then say oh, I'm going to catch up to the older ones, see how they're doing.. and jog off.

Mrscog · 17/04/2015 14:04

I think it depends on what type of walk it is - if it's a 1-2 mile amble through semi prepared grounds (like in woods you get in a town or a national trust style property) followed by a cafe lunch, I think YAB a bit U, as that's an ideal opportunity to teach children that age to walk further distances. If these are what I'd call 'proper country walks' where the enjoyment is in the walk itself rather than an extra activity to tag on to a day then I think they could be more considerate and do a mix of toddler walking/then carrier or something.

BuzzardBird · 17/04/2015 14:07

YABU, it's not compulsory for you to go. The child needs to excercise, they can hardly charge ahead and leave her behind can they?

GlitzAndGigglesx · 17/04/2015 14:16

A buggy kind of defeats the object though. Why not encourage the child to run with the other kids or chase them. Or run with her yourself. She only has little legs

ChunkyPickle · 17/04/2015 14:17

I think you're probalby mis-matched walking expectations-wise!

If I was rushing around town, or on the way somewhere I'd carry DS (or dig out the buggy), but otherwise he walks, as did his brother.

Perhaps you should go on ahead with the younger ones and any other adult who wants to walk rather than amble, and meet them at the end of wherever you were headed.

ThreeMoreDaysTillFriday · 17/04/2015 14:21

Have they said the expect you to walk at that pace? To be honest I had DD out of a buggy from about 2 and I wouldn't have put her back in or carried her in order to please friends. However my friends all had children the same age so we were all in the same boat.

IShallCallYouSquishy · 17/04/2015 14:21

Please try carrying a 2.5 year old on a walk and see how far you get!

ThreeMoreDaysTillFriday · 17/04/2015 14:24

I also wouldn't have carried DD.

Floisme · 17/04/2015 14:29

Toddlers need to walk - that's how they learn. They're not making you walk at their pace, are they? What's to stop you and any other like minded adults going on ahead if you want to?

hoobypickypicky · 17/04/2015 14:30

You don't need to walk at their pace. Walk at your own! You're not "made" to walk at the same rate as your friends and their child, you can choose not to.

2.5 is too old for a buggy but nonetheless it would irritate me too so I either walk at my own pace, maybe identifying a spot to aim for (cafe/benches/gate etc) and say I'll see them there or choose not to walk in their company at all.

All those people who are comparing a toddler's pace with an adult's stroll - just how slow is your stroll? Even in stroll mode I walk considerably faster than a 2 year old. The two are just not comparable!

geekymommy · 17/04/2015 15:20

Does a country walk mean walking on unpaved ground? (I'm American) If it does, a lot of strollers aren't going to work very well in those conditions. The stroller frame that we put the car seat into when DD was using an infant seat didn't even do too well on poorly maintained roads or sidewalks. We weren't going to buy a stroller that did better on unpaved ground, because decent strollers are not cheap and we don't do much of that kind of walking.

Have you tried carrying a 2.5 yo for any distance? Not everybody has the upper body strength to do it. I don't, really, and my 2.5 yo DD is small for her age. That's even more true if the 2.5 yo does not want to be carried. Kids that age definitely have opinions about whether they should be carried or not, and they can make it very difficult to carry them if they so desire. A stroller isn't necessarily the answer, either, because they can kick up quite a fuss if they don't want to be in one (ask anyone who has tried to strap an uncooperative toddler into a stroller or car seat).

There is a very good reason why you might want to let a toddler walk instead of putting them in a stroller or carrying them. Toddlers are notorious for fighting naps and bedtime, and tiring them out physically can be a good way to take some of the fight out of them. Most toddlers have a lot of energy, and their parents know that they will pay later if they don't let the toddler use up some of that energy. They're not like younger babies, where you can put them in a stroller and go do adult things or stuff with older kids.

DoJo · 17/04/2015 15:25

All those people who are comparing a toddler's pace with an adult's stroll - just how slow is your stroll? Even in stroll mode I walk considerably faster than a 2 year old. The two are just not comparable!

I think the problem might be your toddler's pace - mine charged along at 2.5 and it was often us catching up! That's clearly not the case in the OP, but many toddlers are perfectly capable of walking at a decent pace so long as they are not stopping to examine every leaf, stick, piece of dog shit and puff of air on the way...

Oldraver · 17/04/2015 15:29

I think I would let the older children run on ahead, then have to go off to supervise them. Let the dawlders catch up

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ImNameyChangey · 17/04/2015 15:36

Oh God YANBU!

I HATE it when other parents expect everyone to adjust to their child.

It's similar to those parents who're chatting to you and then their child comes up yelling or interrupting that they want something and the parent immediately focuses all their attention on the child instead of making them wait or reminding them that it's rude to interrupt!

squoosh · 17/04/2015 15:38

It's a country walk, not a country shuffle.

Let the parents shuffle along with the kid. You stride forth OP!

jimijack · 17/04/2015 15:38

2.5 is too old for a buggy,really?!

I can't control my 2 year old, he legs it at the first opportunity. I wouldn't get anywhere if he walked all the time.
How do you contain a wayward 2 year old that is FAST and unwilling to hold hands!
Shudder at roads & determined toddler.(I have tried reigns but he ends up dangling from them)

God I am shite at this parenting lark. Never even occurred to me that he would be too old at nearly 2.5.

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