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AIBU?

to not trust this 'helpful' stranger in the mountains?

347 replies

SummerOfLadybirds · 14/04/2015 17:08

I've fallen out with a close friend and want to know who was BU.
We went camping in Lake District recently. We're experienced hikers so had all correct gear, provisions, torches, map, compass etc. We planned to stay in proper campsites as my friend hates wild camping. On 2nd day decided to leave marked routes as felt confident we could navigate. (The paths are too busy in good weather, we both wanted to hike in wilderness). At first it was fine, we went high up and didn't see anyone for hours. To cut a long story short we then lost the compass, got disorientated and got lost!! My friend started freaking out and worrying we'd have to camp in mountains if we couldn't find way down. I said that was fine, we had tent, food, clothes etc, we could set up camp and find way down in morning but she said she wanted a shower and a proper loo (and was scared of 'ghosts'!) I said its too dangerous to try and descend once its dark, she got in a massive strop.

Meanwhile for a couple of hours, despite seeing nobody all day, we'd both noticed a man in camouflage gear popping up in different places nearby. Once he was in front of us, once he was chilling by a rock, another time he was behind us. He didn't acknowledge us but he wasn't that close. We assumed he was just enjoying nature, going in same direction as us.

When the light began to fade, my friend got really scared and insisted we keep walking and suddenly we almost bumped into this man as we came around a boulder!! He said hi and asked where we were going, my friend started to blurt out we were lost, but I didn't want to seem vulnerable so I cut in and said 'we're not really lost' and made out she was joking. He was friendly but something didn't feel quite right and I felt we WERE vulnerable, 2 petite women and this guy (he was very tall and muscular, had a big army-style rucksack and just seemed a bit 'odd'). He offered to guide us down but I was worried he might lead us somewhere even more remote, so I told him thanks but we didn't need his help and was very assertive in not wanting to walk with him.
We carried on, I was freaked out now because of the man, and my friend was petrified of being on mountain in night and not speaking to me because i'd refused his help.
Anyway we did make it off the mountain (in the dark) and finally got to a campsite at 2am.

My friend is still furious that I wouldn't let this man help us. I still think he could have done anything to us, like leading us further off-route in the dark and raping us.

OP posts:
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MerryMarigold · 14/04/2015 17:11

I think you did the right thing. You wouldn't get into a car with a stranger if you were stranded somewhere.

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TheMoa · 14/04/2015 17:13

He probably realised you were out of your depth, and watched to make sure you were OK. He didn't in fact do you any harm at all.

I'm sure between the two of you, you'd have been able to fight off an attacker in the Lake District.

You do sound slightly hysterical.

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lemonyone · 14/04/2015 17:13

Sounds like you both had valid fears.

You can make it a question of being 'right' or 'wrong' but you won't learn anything that way. You accidentally put yourselves in a very vulnerable position. You were concerned about 'helpful' camouflaged men, she was concerned about the dangers of being on a mountain. Both are fair enough fears.

Do you want to remain friends with her? If you don't, really push home how 'right' you are.
If you want to stay friends, acknowledge that you both fucked up and put yourself in a worrying position which will mean you learnt something from this for future expeditions.

Valderee!!

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Oscarandelliesmum · 14/04/2015 17:14

I think it sounds like you did the right thing too. Glad you are both ok.

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VivaLeBeaver · 14/04/2015 17:16

Id have accepted his help to be honest. If he wanted to muster you he could have done it there and then when you said you didn't need any help. I reckon most people in the mountains,etc are ok.....it's hardly ideal single (or pair of) female stalking territory.

I accept I may be too trusting.

Your friend shouldn't be pissed with you though,myou had a valid concern.

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MerryMarigold · 14/04/2015 17:16

she was concerned about the dangers of being on a mountain.

What dangers? Other than large men?

Ghosts, I assume Or a lack of toilet.

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sliceofsoup · 14/04/2015 17:24

I'm sure between the two of you, you'd have been able to fight off an attacker in the Lake District.

I don't think the Lake District has weaker attackers than the rest of the world. And yes 2 against 1 sounds like good odds, but one strong punch and one person is incapacitated and then the odds aren't great.

I would have been freaked out by the stranger too OP. And I think that you picked up vibes from him that people on here can't fully understand. I am glad that you trusted your instinct, and didn't just go along with it out of politeness, which happens too often.

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lemonyone · 14/04/2015 17:24

There are some pretty terrible repercussions of being on a mountain at night. Wrenching an ankle, falling off a ledge, getting hypothermia (ok, you had tents) etc. You only have to put 'death, hiker, Lake District' to see that it's not an unreasonable thing to not want to be stumbling around on a mountain at night.

It's also not unreasonable not to want to trust a complete stranger (although I probably would have).

What was unreasonable was losing a compass or not having a back up plan! Grin Focus on being angry with yourselves about getting into that position in the first place.

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Footle · 14/04/2015 17:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

laughingcow13 · 14/04/2015 17:26

He think he was was just trying to help you.He (rightly) thought you were too daft bints who were obviously lost.
I fail to see what is sinister about being tall and muscular and having a rucksack. I think it would be very difficult to attack 2 women simultaneously in an open space.Surely one would have run away with a good description.

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FirstWeTakeManhattan · 14/04/2015 17:26

I think you did the right thing.

I'm not sure you and friend are suited to hiking like this again though. Having such wildly different approaches to what to do in an unexpected situation can prove more dangerous than the situation you're actually in. It just cranks up the panic.

Also, and please - I'm not diminishing your mountain skills, honestly - but it doesn't sound as though you had sufficient experience for what you were attempting. You definitely kept your head, and I agree with your approach to setting up camp rather than a night time descent etc. but I would hone your skills further before risking getting into that kind of situation again. Benign ridges can be lethal in the dark, even with torches.

I'm very glad you're both okay.

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laughingcow13 · 14/04/2015 17:27

'we'd both noticed a man in camouflage gear popping up in different places nearby. Once he was in front of us, once he was chilling by a rock, another time he was behind us.'

because you were probably going in circles!

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FatherHenderson · 14/04/2015 17:31

Are you in a film?

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tumbletumble · 14/04/2015 17:32

It's difficult to say who is BU. It was a tricky situation and you both had valid fears. Either way could have ended in disaster.

Glad you are OK.

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partialderivative · 14/04/2015 17:32

You felt confident that you could navigate. Well you got that seriously wrong!

If you were so far from the usual path, he could easily have attacked you there and then.

You were being UR, and if I was your friend I would be furious with you.

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chocolatelife · 14/04/2015 17:34

who knows.
unless you find details on the news at some point of a strange man attacking vulnerable women in that area you wont know whether or not you had a lucky escape.
at least you found your way down.

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Doyouthinktheysaurus · 14/04/2015 17:34

I thought the same as laughingcow, that you were probably going in circles!

I would have taken the help offered, I really can't imagine he meant any harm and the risks of being stranded on a mountain overnight are probably far more real.

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OydNeverDeclinesGin · 14/04/2015 17:35

Honestly, I think if he wanted to attack you if would have when he popped up from behind a boulder.
If you're going to go wilderness walking maybe you should learn to navigate without a compass.
That said I can understand feeling nervous. You and your friend are both right, and both wrong!!
Don't fall out, see it as a steep learning curve. Smile

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5Foot5 · 14/04/2015 17:35

I would think the odds are that you were in more danger from stumbling around a mountain in the dark than accepting some directions from a stranger who obviously had a better idea where he was than you did.

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chocolatelife · 14/04/2015 17:36

how could she be scared of ghosts though?

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redlolly · 14/04/2015 17:38

What a horrible experience. I don't think there is any right answer.. we will never know what the outcome could have been if you'd followed the man. I would probably have followed my instincts too for what it's worth.

Just wanted to say I have a great grid reference app on my phone which is an absolute godsend if so what ever reason you end up without a compass. It works even with no phone signal. I highly recommend it as a backup.

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MerryMarigold · 14/04/2015 17:39

Yes, I agree you should have decided to stop and camp or accept the help from him. Stumbling in the dark was more dangerous so that was silly of both of you, and choosing to put yourselves in danger. But I still wouldn't have accepted the help, especially if it felt odd.

Interesting dilemma.

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RedToothBrush · 14/04/2015 17:41

Surely if he was going to do something, he could have done it where you were.

I'm not sure what you were thinking he might do.

I think he probably was trying not to be rude and was working out whether you needed help or not before offering.

You said you are experienced. Well clearly you aren't if you got lost. You should be able to find your way without the aid of compass if you want to hike 'in the wilderness' off paths. You obviously can't do this, so have no business calling yourself experienced. Experienced walkers of this type usually have been trained to be able to find their way in this situation.

And you were even more stupid in trying to hike in the dark when you don't know the area and didn't know where you were when you had the ability to camp.

This is the type of scenario where mountain rescue end up getting called.

I find it very sad that we live in an age where people suspect the worst simply because someone has testicles and you put yourselves in MORE danger with your subsequent actions.

FFS If your friend is scared of ghosts then why the heck are you even considering this. Try being afraid of the real dangers of the area which should be taken seriously rather than ones that the pair of you dreamt up.

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pictish · 14/04/2015 17:41

Merry have you ever tried negotiate mountain terrain in the dark without breaking your neck? It is extremely dangerous to be walking around a mountainside in the dark!

OP I think overall you were right. I probably would have said yes to the guide myself because there were two of you to one of him and that's how I roll...but no way would I have been happy picking my way blindly down a mountain at night, lost.

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BerylStreep · 14/04/2015 17:41

Who knows? He may have been ok, but I know someone just like this, outdoorsy, camouflage gear, rucksack, super helpful (and quite good looking too) who happens to be a predatory sex offender - not anywhere near the Lake District though.

I would have been inclined to have set up camp and stayed where you were until morning. I think descending in the dark and arriving at a campsite at 2am was the worst possible decision to make. I'm glad you made it ok.

I agree with the other poster that you and your friend seem to be very unsuited.

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