To think 'can I come?' means you want to come

[SEmyarse]

I just mentioned to the kids that I was popping to the shop this evening.

Dd1 'Can I come?'

Me 'Sure. i'm leaving in 10 minutes.'

10 minutes later, no sign of movement.

Me 'I'm going now, so you need to get your shoes on.'

Dd1 'What? I'm not coming'

Me 'But you asked to come'

Dd1 'No I didn't. i asked if I COULD.'

so now we're stuck in a ludicrous conversation. She insists theres no indication in her question that she wanted to come. I want to know why the hell she asked if she COULD come if she had no intention, I'm not generally known for putting my kids under house arrest.

it means you want to come, right?

[woowoo22]

YANBU

YANBU

YANBFU

[Salmotrutta]

Technically... it means she is capable of coming.

"May" I come? would mean she was seeking permission to come with you.

[SEmyarse]

glad to hear it

[TheMoa]

'Can I come' is a ruse.

If you say 'no', they know you have something interesting in mind.

[Salmotrutta]

I think she is winding you up with pedantry OP

[Littlef00t]

Ah, the sad issue that comes with children not learning the difference between 'may' and 'can' then having the audacity to use 'can' in its true sense of the word.

[SEmyarse]

Well yes, we're stuck with the technical bit. I have to accept that it technical means 'is she able to come?' but that's madness. Surely the accepted practice is that its asking permission to tag along.

[Salmotrutta]

That's what I meant Littlefoot

[DoJo]

Don't make me post this link again! Oh - too late...
www.oxforddictionaries.com/words/can-or-may

[SEmyarse]

Yes yes yes, the may/can thing. i understand.

But if we're taking it literally why did she ask if she COULD come?

[oddfodd]

Next time, assume she doesn't want to. Then ignore her protests when you leave without her. I suspect that will be a useful lesson

[sunbathe]

Probably thought you were off to buy Easter eggs.

[SilverBirch2015]

I wandered into this thread because I was misled by the word "come".

Now in some weird discussion about may and can.

[PeaceOfWildThings]

Uuugh, used to get this a lot. Just to be on the safe side though, make sure it's not rooted in depression/low self esteem/mh problems, associated difficulty making decisions (was for DD)...

[LineRunner]

God I thought it was about entitled sex stuff too.

[SEmyarse]

Actually i've realised the can/may thing doesn't solve anything.

If she'd asked 'may I come?' she would have ascertained that she was allowed to come but still not indicated any intention. Hence I think we need to fall back on accepted practice.

[Lweji]

If you had said no, you'd have had a tantrum.
Next time, just get ready and leave without her if she's not by the door.

[Koalafications]

Yes, SilverBirch I thought this may have been a conversation about someone being ultra polite re:ejaculation.

[Lweji]

Or ask her "why do you ask".

[SEmyarse]

I thought this was all light hearted, but dd1 does have dreadful trouble making decisions and suffers for low self esteem so I'm intrigued what peace means.

At present though she seems in top form arguing me round in circles, which is actually pretty out of character for her.

[LineRunner]

Sorry OP

[YourMaNoBraBackOfMyCar]

Oh god. This was me. on behalf of your daughter. We're sorry.

[SEmyarse]

It's OK, as soon as I'd posted I knew what would happen.

[LineRunner]

May I offer you some in recompense. Not much I know.

[shewept]

The title of this thread really had me expecting something else

Op next time, say 'yes' and then leave without her. If she moans tell her she didn't say she was coming with you. And then call her a smart arse