to get annoyed with friend who implies i have various medical / mental health / other issues

[missabc123]

A friend I recently cut off from (stepped back for a much needed friendship break) was pretty close to me and we used to talk about a lot of personal stuff. But she's really into psychology and think she sees herself as an amateur psychologist (even seems to think she's a pro sometimes) and is always diagnosing friends with various disorders, in our chats together.

E.g. she claimed one friend has ADHD (I've never seen any ADHD symptoms at all in him!). Another time she implied that I might have had Multiple Sclerosis (!!) (I had gone through some stress several years before that manifested very physically, but I got through it fine and not had problems since).

Several other times I feel she has tried to imply I have Asperger syndrome; she's always calling loads of people "a bit aspie" and often says about how "everyone exhibits traits" but in a really markedly way as if she knows loads about it and that I am exhibiting these "traits". I do have some mental health issues of my own that have led me to cut back from the world in recent years (and have been unable to disclose with her) so I can see why she might think my behaviour odd at times, but I'm confident I don't have AS. It's not just me in this sense, it's a lot of our friends are "a bit aspie" as she puts it.

Another time I got into feng shui, as well as interior design, and decluttering, and she'd go on about how it was a "control" issue that I did these things and wanted a nice house because of the control aspect etc..I just wanted to have a nice environment.

Also I get the impression that she mocks me a lot to other friends, diagnosing me in chats to them, also them to me. I had a baby a couple of years ago and as a working single parent have struggled to find time to do everything, be super slim (I'm not fat but could do with losing a bit post baby) etc; also judging me on my alcohol intake (I have a beer or two about three days a week - used to drink a lot before DS but not any more) and my food etc. I could eat a bit better but who couldn't! I'm making positive changes in my life but it's slow progress as a single parent with no time.

I just feel constantly judged on everything I do by her - be it food, my baby, my mental health, trying to do good things like sort my house out, etc and grew tired of it. Maybe I am being hypersensitive... possibly I am. I feel a bit better now I have had a break so am not sure I can rekindle the relationship...

[DoJo]

She doesn't sound like much of a friend - does she have any good points that would make it worth re-establishing your relationship?

[reni1]

Read up on some sort of niche quackery that requires people to be sorted into types and diagnose right back. This kind of behavior is really annoying and intrusive.

[MistressDeeCee]

I bet she's not popular...Id run a mile from a friend like that, I wouldn't be able to disguise my irritation at her spouting utter crap in an effort to make herself feel superior and important. Her self-esteem must be pretty low. Id avoid, to be honest... & I bet you'd find other friends who think of her in exactly the same as you do. A pain in the arse.

[prawnballs]

Tell her to 'do one' !!
I have studied psychology but I would never ever judge/label my friends - if anything it made me realise we are all different for various reasons therefore we are all unique - she sounds like a bloody pain in the ass..grrr

[prawnballs]

X post with mistress

[missabc123]

thanks everyone - I have put distance between us...just needed to!

I think she does put these labels on people in what she thinks and even genuinely believes is a helpful, concerned way; but in reality it's not helpful to be constantly labelled and gossiped about and I feel quite judged.

I think there are other issues in there about her own self - she can be a bit vain / self absorbed at times (there I go diagnosing her...!), always looking up various afflictions / mental health stuff for herself too (forever doing online personality tests etc), so maybe she's seeing in others what she sees in herself. I did read somewhere that often people see in others what they are themselves, so maybe its more a reflection of herself.

I think what bothers me most is the impact on our social circle - e.g. she goes and chats to XX about me then XX chats to ZZ about what she's said etc and suddenly everyone thinks you're this or that etc. I can't deal with the chinese whispers any more so have had to take a real break. I don't want friendships shrouded in secrecy or gossip.

She has a lot of influence on people, as one on one she can be really good to talk to (about other stuff) and kind of hooks into people on a one on one basis then seems to play them off each other through the special relationships she forms with them.

Arg. Maybe i am reading into it all too much myself. She does have some nice qualities too, I just think on balance it's too much. I can't be around someone that judgemental, I want honest, caring friendships based on something a bit more adult than constantly looking for ways people are "odd" or whatever. Hope that's not wishful thinking.

[prawnballs]

You could still keep her as a friend if you enjoy her company - just not that closely.... I think you are right to have that little bit distance.
Good luck

[grumpasaur]

Gosh you are describing someone I used to have in my life perfectly. I wonder if she is the same person?!?!

With her, I had to cut the friendship completely. For a while I just felt like I needed a break; after a break I realised I just wanted nothing to do with her and her pathologising of everyone I know and love, her drama, and her manipulation.

I don't miss her!

[missabc123]

thanks grumpasaur! just learned what "pathologising" means and it's great to have a term for it... !! Maybe it is the same person!!

She can be great to talk to about crises going on in my life, but the drama and manipulation (even if she's not aware of it being that) is all too much. It's in a really subtle way so it took me a long time to even realise it might be manipulative.

I am feeling like you did - the break might have to be an extended or even permanent break. Not sure I want the drama any more.