I have a very close friend that I have known for around 30 years and she means the world to me, we have had our ups and downs over the years, but our friendship has always been very strong.
A couple of years ago she met her current partner who I have spoken to a couple of times on the phone as he needed some help with his tax return. He was pleasant enough, but droned on a bit and I was glad when the phone call was over. My husband and I met him recently at a function and spoke very briefly to him, we both said he seemed very socially awkward, and we didn't really gel with him or find any common ground. My husband though he was a bit of a knob and got the impression that he just didn't want to know us.
Anyway he invited us to his house for a meal as a thank you for the advice I gave him. We didn't want to go and made an excuse that we were busy and couldn't make it.
My friend has asked again about getting together for this meal and I have just been honest and said we don't want to go. She told me that we sometimes have to make an effort and do things we don't want to do. My argument is I am too long in the tooth to be a people pleaser and its ok to not do something because you don't want to.
Our friendship has always been based on the two of us getting together and not foursomes with our partners. She has admitted also that he fulfils a current need in her life and she does his, but the relationship is unlikely to go anywhere as they want totally different things.
So have I just been rude to my friend, or is it reasonable to not do something that you don't want to do?
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65 replies
ordinarylives · 27/03/2015 21:46
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