to be upset by this? [warning: some may find this triggering]

[bstbaby]

Uni student that I know of was sexually assaulted by a fellow student - he took advantage of her while drunk, kissed and touched her, stopped eventually when she said no "enough" times. She was 20ish, he was 27ish. When she reported this to the uni and gave them a statement, she was told off for referring to him as a "sex offender" (not in the statement; in person, while upset). Victim assumed that she was just wrong and that maybe the phrase only refers to paedophiles or something. Incident was some months ago so not in need of advice on the rest at this point, but she has just told me this detail, outraged as it had just clicked that they told a victim off for her choice of language. They stopped her mid-sentence and said she would want to be careful about wording. AIBU to be horrified at how pedantic they were? I can understand from the victim's position running around town calling him names would be inadvisable, slanderous (if not convicted), possibly even dangerous, but in a pastoral environment was it really necessary for them to frown upon her for using legally appropriate terms to describe her perpetrator. It just raises questions about their general manner towards students (many very vulnerable) who come to them for help/advice. WDYT?

TLDR: Is it ever OK to tell a victim off for using the phrase "sex offender" when talking to a support team about the incident?

[LaurieFairyCake]

Support team? I'd take a guess that none of them are trained in any way to deal with this - they log complaints.

Unless you're in America this should really only be reported to the police.

And obviously it's ridiculous that these untrained individuals handled her so insensitively. If she feels up to it she could follow the complaints procedure about how the college deal with cases like these.

[JohnCusacksWife]

Why was she reporting him to the uni and not to the police?

[bstbaby]

It was only reported to the uni with regard to having the perp removed from a specific SU group they were both part of, so the team would be union-related rather than uni (probably even worse). She never reported this to the police, in part due to thinking it wasn't "that" serious (low self-esteem) and in part due to various incidents of low-level intimidation such as the above and also a friend of the perp telling her "it didn't happen like that". I feel like it still should be, but I don't know how to raise that. She has got to the point of realising that their approach was less than ideal and wanting to have it raised.

[LaurieFairyCake]

Perp? So you are in America.

I remember an episode of SVU where this happened - student complained about rape/assault, student management team tried to minimise and criticised her language.!

[bstbaby]

Sorry, I'm not in America, just a fan of abbreviations. Is "perpetrator" uncommon in the UK? What do we say instead? It's always been "victim and perpetrator" as far as I was aware.

Thanks for your responses, everybody. Like the victim I had a niggling feeling that I was overreacting, but clearly we are not, and she did not receive the best advice with which to make her decisions, either.

Is there a time limit on reporting this kind of thing? Turns out the uni team put her off bothering by saying that without forensic evidence he would not be convicted, and then he could do her for "harassment" for reporting him. Sorry for drip feeding; I had not known that part before.

[TiredButFine]

I guesss he isn't a sex "offender" if he has not been convicted, so perhaps sex "attacker" is more appropriate. Would I Say that to a distressed person making a statement because they were attacked? Hell no.
Of course, report to Police, and refer to this "support" person who can corroborate that they were told of the incident near the time it happened.
Sadly, friends esp young people don't say the right thing and don't know how to handle this at all, advise this young person about "minimising" and "victim blaming". Luckily, she has you to support her.