Course trainer is going tocomplain about me to my boss.

[Flipchart]

I have recently transferred from working with children with disabilities to adults. I was on a course on Friday deling with sexuality and adults with LD.

In the afternoon we were asked to talk about sexual fantasies ie our own. You could see people weren't comfortable with this and some protested but got told that if they weren't comfortable about talking about such things how could we help people with learning disabilities who maybe not able to communicate their needs. After that you could people making stuff up and keeping it light. ( I know the stuff ws made up because in the fag break people were saying things like ' as if I'm going to tell that fuckin' perv what goes on in my head')

When it was my turn I refused point blank to tsay anything and said that to me sexual fantasies was for me to keep private or share with my DH. The trainer pushed me saying everyone else had contributed and that I wasn't being fair. I said if other people have chosen to take part that is their choice. I expect my right to privacy to be respected.
At the end of the course the trainer told me that he was going to complain about me to my boss for being 'obstructive'.

Quite frankly I don't give a shit. The trainer was from a bought in company who focus on training employees with working with people with disabilities and I work for a County Council.
Was I being obstructive or should I have taken prt in something that made me uncomfortable?

[londonrach]

Id be complaining about the course leader and im shocked they asked thus and yes i agree most will make up something.

[SecretSpy]

WTF?? It sounds very odd. It's not as though your employer can discipline you for not sharing your sexual fantasies though is it.

The trainer sounds odd. Being able to acknowledge and respect people have sexual needs and preferences - absolutely. Being willing/able to discuss your own, totally irrelevant and inappropriate.

[Uhplistrailer]

I would also complain about the course leader. I can't believe they didn't see how inappropriate it was! Blergh!

[BestZebbie]

YANBU (although making something up in order to participate was also a reasonable way for the others to handle it).
To be honest, I'd get your complaint (about inappropriate behaviour in the workplace/uncomfortable working environment/sexual harassment by asking about your fantasies) in first....

[Miggsie]

I would complain about the trainer - this was not an environment where personal disclosure was guaranteed anonymous or safe - you were right to refuse.
The trainer acted very inappropriately and should be reprimanded, not you.
The training company should dismiss that trainer.

[007JamesBond]

WTF? There is no way the course leader should have expected you to share stuff like that. He's the one who should be complained about.

[ilovesooty]

I'm a trainer and would have no hesitation in reporting obstructive trainees. However your situation sounds utterly appalling and I'd be issuing a complaint about the trainer. I struggle to imagine how this can be deemed an appropriate activity.

[olbas]

Good for you. It's a pity the others had to make up stuff just to please him though. I think sex is a private thing not a subject to be discussed on a training course. I used to work in the same field as you, the topic is difficult enough to discuss without some and I will use the word "Perv" adding to that difficulty.

[TiggieBoo]

WTF?! I would have reacted exactly the same as you and not even bothered to make up things.

[sparkysparkysparky]

Odd odd odd. We had a trainer who told us you could tell someone was gay by looking at them. Needless to say we don't use them any more. Complain.

[chocolatereindeer]

YANBU!!

I don't actually see how you all embarrassing yourselves by being forced into over sharing is conductive to your learning. Talking about sex and being confident with that is an entirely different thing to disclosing something personal and private in front of a random group of colleagues.

I'd make a complaint about him!

[TheRealMaryMillington]

OMG
Complain first.

[pinkdelight]

Thank god you said that! I was worried you were going to say that you'd told him some pervy fantasy and he was reporting you for your depravity! But well done you for not engaging in his bizarre over-sharing sesh! YANBU at all.

[Crinkle77]

I would complain about him. Sounds totally inappropriate if you ask me.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

I'd let him complain, I doubt that he will if he has any sense, odious little man.

Definitely put in a complaint of your own to his boss - and to whoever arranged the course for you in your own department. They need to know what they're sending their people on, I expect they'll be appalled.

I too would have refused to take part in that; absolutely none of his business and completely unprofessional.

[Discopanda]

YANBU! The way they went about it completely defeated the point of the exercise, do they really think that making people feel uncomfortable and pressurised is the best way to encourage people with LDs to talk openly?!

[AliceMcGee]

I would definitely make a complaint about the trainer.
In any case why would you need to be encouraging a disabled adult to share their sexual fantasies with you?

[Flipchart]

Thanks for the replies.
I didn't think I was being UR but there was posters around the room about confidentiality and we had been told during the morning session and again after lunch break that any disclosures are confidential and mustn't be discussed elsewhere. I think he tried to make feel odd for saying no.

I don't regret not saying but wish I'd gone further on my evaluation sheet.

[ilovesooty]

Did you fill in a course evaluation form?

[ilovesooty]

Sorry x post.

[ptumbi]

Like alice said - why? Why would vulnerable adults be discussing sexual fantasies?

And why wouldn't they 'make them up'?

Sounds like the 'trainer' is on his own there - I wonder if he is saying he will complain about you to make you STFU?

Def take it further.

[ClumsyNinja]

I'd probably refer this to your HR dept for feedback.

Was he training the group specifically to become sex therapists?

Will relating personal sexual fantasies to a room full of strangers actually enable you to perform your job better?

[ShadowStone]

I would complain about the trainer.

That sounds completely inappropriate and I'm struggling to see how forcing you to practice in that exercise could be at all relevant to helping you do your new job properly.

[coconutpie]

I would complain the course trainer. He sounds like a complete perv and was way out of line by what he wanted you all to do. I'm shocked and disgusted tbh. Your private life is none of his business and has no relevance.

[Flipchart]

The same question was asked on the course, how does it help adults? He replied it was more to do with us feeling confident and strong in our sexual ( can't remember the word.......identity, esteem, something like that)if we weren't confident about dealing with these thoughts and emotions, how could we support adults with LD who Los have the right to sex and sexual feelings.

I have been working with adults and teenagers with LD and dealt with all sorts of sexual issues both appropriate and inappropriate longer than the trainer has been alive! ( I'm old!)