Opinions please?

(65 Posts)
Pinot4me Fri 20-Mar-15 12:57:33

I have a friend. She's lovely. Works full time, married, doesn't appear short of money. Here's the issue: without fail, every time she comes to my home she asks me for something. Last night, as she was leaving she asked if I had any crisps for her child's lunchbox, the time before it was shampoo, the time before that it was plasters. The list goes on. They're all petty things but I'm embarrassed to say no. I find it a really odd thing to deal with....AIBU? should I just ignore it and carry on 'sharing' my stuff? In all other areas she's a good friend!

Bowlersarm Fri 20-Mar-15 13:01:15

How odd. I think you need to get over yiur embarrassment and say no.

"Sorry I don't have x but Im sure Sainsburys are still open"

MissMuesli Fri 20-Mar-15 13:02:47

Do you think there is a chance she is in an abusive relationship and unable to access money?

SmellsLikeSurgicalSpirit Fri 20-Mar-15 13:05:15

It's very odd!

Have you tried "Oh! crisps/plasters/shampoo/whatever she asks for - I knew there was something I needed to pick up, I've run out. Thanks for reminding me!"smile

It would get very obvious, very quickly though.hmm

cleanmyhouse Fri 20-Mar-15 13:08:06

Abusive relationship 2 comments in. Surely a record.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall Fri 20-Mar-15 13:10:12

It's quite possible not sure what's so wrong with someone suggesting it?

Titsalinabumsquash Fri 20-Mar-15 13:14:46

When you say she doesn't appear short of money, are you sure it's not a brave face put on?
I have been in a position many years ago where I was living with my ex and DS1, pregnant with DS2 and we had so little moe y it was unreal, you would never have thought it from an outside view though.
Could she have massive debt or similar?

Pinot4me Fri 20-Mar-15 13:14:51

Thanks for your responses. I'm pretty sure (well, as sure as I can be) she's not in an abusive relationship. I've always thought it's because she's a busy mum, full time job etc so it's easier to ask me than go to the shop. She's not 'tight' at all. For example last night, when she arrived, she bought a bottle of wine with her...
It's ridiculous really, but it's really beginning to bug me!
In most walks of life, I'd head something like this but, because she's such a good friend, it feels awkward. I guess, I just need to 'man up' and so no in future!

Quitelikely Fri 20-Mar-15 13:17:35

You only need to say no if you need to though.

I mean what harm is a bag of crisps? Friendships are about give and take IMO.

SaucyJack Fri 20-Mar-15 13:18:36

I'm quite sure it's nothing more sinister than her asking you because it's easier than popping to the shop. Lazy cah.

Just say you don't have any spare x, y or z. Repeat until she gets the message.

Pinot4me Fri 20-Mar-15 13:22:23

Tbh, quite likely, that's how I've been thinking....guess it's just a quirk in her character - there are worse problems in the world. I feel a bit petty now!
saucy jack Pmsl @ lazy cah!!!

ihatelego Fri 20-Mar-15 13:24:49

a bit strange, you could try to broach the subject with her just dropping in a lighthearted comment like "how have you ended up without crisps" in a joke sort of way or something similar, you don't want to lose a good friend over lending little things though as there may be a very valid reason

BuildYourOwnSnowman Fri 20-Mar-15 13:28:28

have you ever said no? maybe she has some weird thing that means she has to leave everywhere with a 'souvenir'

MissMuesli Fri 20-Mar-15 13:34:28

I remember a thread a while ago where a woman posted saying she was in an abusive relationship, she wasn't allowed new clothes for her, money for kids etc. She was having to beg off friends. It happens!

Bowlersarm Fri 20-Mar-15 13:43:07

If she's generous in other ways such as buying wine, then maybe it all evens out cost wise? A bottle of wine is much more expensive than a couple of bags of crisps. I think I'd let it go or say, go and buy some yourself, I'm not a shop! - but risk her thinking how stingy you are as you say she isn't tight.

Pinot4me Sat 23-May-15 19:08:15

I've posted on this old thread so that I don't have to go into a back story. My friend has got worse and worse and is still constantly asking me for stuff......she was here last week, "Did I have any ibuprofen" (her son was unwell) I said no, sorry, "did I have any paracetamol then"? I said I did but I only had a couple and wanted to keep them here, in case I needed them, (it was 6pm so supermarkets open). I feel ridiculous! There is never a time, when I'm with her, when she doesn't ask me for something - it's ruining how I feel about her! The time before she asked for wrapping paper. Its endless! We were away overnight last week, 4 of us (girls) in 2 rooms....did I have any hairspray, mascara, perfume? Then to top it all, she asked me for the freebie shampoos from our room (different to hers) It's driving me nuts! She isn't hard up...pays her way at the bar, restaurant etc....I know, in the scale of things, it's not a massive problem but.....ggggrrhhhh! AIBU? How would you handle it? Advise welcome...

Theycallmemellowjello Sat 23-May-15 19:12:31

If it's gone on this long I think you should raise it with her. what else can you do really? Once or twice and I wouldn't bat an eyelid, but this seems a definite pattern.

VelvetRose Sat 23-May-15 19:13:27

That is unusual I'll admit! Not quite sure why someone would do that so frequently though.

Quitelikely Sat 23-May-15 19:16:41

Is she disorganised?

Even so, I would just say no, sorry in the future and move the conversation on quickly. Failing that, perhaps you could have it out with her? I don't think you have much to lose really.....

Fatmomma99 Sun 24-May-15 12:31:28

I agree with others, I think. Although I don't think I'd talk to her about it, because it's about such trivial things, you'd come across as mean or picky. I vote for "no, sorry, I need [item]" and move conversation quickly on.

If there is an underlying issue, let her bring it up with you.

Good luck.

Littleen Sun 24-May-15 12:43:50

Maybe she's a cleptomaniac who is trying to be good by asking for stuff rather than stealing?

Feminine Sun 24-May-15 13:25:30

It is very unusual.
No wonder you're done in.
I think you could reply "no, not this time"
Each occasion she nags for something...

HappenstanceMarmite Sun 24-May-15 14:43:01

Tight and/or lazy. Bet she frames it "Can i just have some crisps/shampoo/other item (that will save me buying it you mug)?"

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sun 24-May-15 14:45:31

She's not short of money, well ain't gonna be is she using other people's. She's certainly not soft is she

MavisG Sun 24-May-15 14:49:20

If it's pissing you off you may as well ask her about it. 'Mate, I'm not being funny, but you always ask me for stuff. Why?'

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