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AIBU?

Discussing abortion in work

53 replies

Thurlow · 02/03/2015 11:05

Girl in our office (dozen people, mostly in their 30s, men and women) has just started a conversation about abortion. Came from the gender selection law that is being considered at the moment - she wanted to know more about it. We all chatted and I said that I imagined it would be hard to police as you don't really have to give any detailed explanation of why you want an abortion anyway. Girl then went on a bit of a rant about how shocking she thought it was that you can basically just get an abortion on demand. She's from the RoI, which I guess will influence her views. She wasn't exactly anti abortion, just clearly thinks it shouldn't be easy to achieve.

One of the other guys clearly picked up from how I was explaining the process that I've had one, and tried to calm the girl down a bit. But she was very strident. I wish I'd said something more now but, you know, it's work, and I didn't want to get too wound up on a Monday morning at 10.30...

Anyway, I can't help thinking maybe there are better times and places to talk about potentially sensitive issues like abortion (or god knows how many other emotive topics) than in an office full of people whose backgrounds and personalities you don't really know?

This has annoyed me this morning Angry

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SunnyBaudelaire · 02/03/2015 11:08

I do not blame you for feeling like that.
She is downright ignorant for bringing up such a controversial and personal issue in the workplace.
Perhaps she could be getting on with her work instead of chatting shyte.
I would consider reporting her to HR tbh.

LindyHemming · 02/03/2015 11:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DontDrinkandFacebook · 02/03/2015 11:13

Best leave that sort of thing alone when you're at work and just keep your head down….let the strident one rant away to the accompaniment of your deafening silence. It speaks louder than words sometimes.

SunnyBaudelaire · 02/03/2015 11:14

and if she doesn't like the laws in the UK, why doesn't she fuck off back to ROI?

juneandjuly · 02/03/2015 11:15

Yanbu. Really bad idea to bring up such a sensitive and controversial habit at work. The chances that everyone is going to have exactly the same view as you are minuscule. Sometimes I think it would be better to go back to the old rule that one shouldn't discuss money, politics or religion (for starters) in public.

juneandjuly · 02/03/2015 11:15

Subject not habit.

EponasWildDaughter · 02/03/2015 11:17

Politics, religion and abortion. 3 subjects best avoided for idle chit chat at work. She'll learn hopefully.

EponasWildDaughter · 02/03/2015 11:18

X post june :)

nochocolateforlentteacake · 02/03/2015 11:18

Never discuss things at work that could get into muddy waters. I've learned to keep opinions to myself - you just don't know what other people think or what they have been through/going through. I don't join in - but then I've got work to do - beyond what's for lunch, did Mary in accounts get her new desk, and did I see the new show on telly last night?

People are entitled to their opinions, but its not really right to voice them.in the workplace with colleagues (no matter how friendly you are with them).

Thurlow · 02/03/2015 11:19

Exactly, eponas. We're a chatty office and we do discuss a lot of quite 'serious' things - but you don't sit in an office and talk about not agreeing with abortion, or that you think religious people are stupid, or that X disability is just made up!

The conversation had been genuinely quite interesting and very politely neutral until she started to bring opinions in to it...

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merrymouse · 02/03/2015 11:22

Yes, very insensitive and a bit stupid on her part. On the other hand some people are a bit stupid and insensitive. You probably aren't the only person she has annoyed, if for no other reason that she is loudly and obviously not working.

RatMort · 02/03/2015 11:23

I'm Irish. Please don't make the assumption that the majority of Irish women are anti-abortion because the Dail is still running shit-scared of the dead but lingering hand of the Church and our abortion law is a confused mess that allowed the X-case or deaths like that of Savita Halappanavar's to occur. Many of us have had to trek to the UK to have a termination, or held a friend's hand as they bled in a hotel room in Liverpool. Many of us remember the pre-Internet days when even disseminating a number you could phone to arrange a foreign termination was illegal, and we used to wear them on badges or stickers public toilets.

Your colleague was being insensitive and unprofessional. She is perfectly entitled to feel that getting a termination should be a lengthy and difficult process ( just as I have a perfect right to feel that she is a moral coward - it's precisely the 'don't make it too easy, or everyone will do it twice a week' stupidity that sees the Dail still happy to 'export' it's terminations to the UK, while keeping Ireland a technically abortion-free zone), but the workplace is not the place to express her views.

RatMort · 02/03/2015 11:25

Its terminations. And 'sticker' public toilets. The subject of Irish abortion law makes me very cross. You can probably tell.

pineappleshortbread · 02/03/2015 11:25

Actually the law states that you do need to give a reason but most doctors bend the psychological damage rule to allow anyone to have one. I am pro peoples choice but i think the cut off limit is way too high. I know the system is manipulated by doctors and patients and quite often doctors could be found in breach of the law (i did an extensive research paper on abortion)

WorraLiberty · 02/03/2015 11:26

Anyway, I can't help thinking maybe there are better times and places to talk about potentially sensitive issues like abortion (or god knows how many other emotive topics) than in an office full of people whose backgrounds and personalities you don't really know?

I agree

So why did you? Confused

pineappleshortbread · 02/03/2015 11:26

Ps shouldn't have been discussed at work

leedy · 02/03/2015 11:28

"She's from the RoI, which I guess will influence her views."

FWIW, I'm from the RoI and I don't share her views at all, nor do many women here.

I get a bit pissed off when people assume that we have incredibly restrictive abortion laws because "that's what Irish people want!", or that we're all mad pro-lifers/devout Catholics (neither is the case) who think the UK regime is sinful. The referendum that copperfastened our current legal situation was passed in 1983, nobody under the age of 50 now actually voted for it.

JanineStHubbins · 02/03/2015 11:30

Great post RatMort. I'm Irish too, and all the Irish women I know think the abortion law in Ireland is a misogynistic hypocritical travesty.

The UK isn't some paragon of women's rights when it comes to abortion though - just ask women in NI.

Thurlow · 02/03/2015 11:33

Sorry, I didn't mean to imply all women from the RoI would be anti abortion in some way, I honestly don't think that. I think I was trying to say that I was less surprised that she of all people in the office holds the slightly less pro-choice opinion - does that make sense? But genuinely no negativity or insult to anyone from Ireland intended.

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SunnyBaudelaire · 02/03/2015 11:33

RatMort I saw that documentary so can see the issue is huge and highly divisive. I would also think that this woman was a 'moral coward' because I bet she would not have been ranting like that in an office in Dublin.

SunnyBaudelaire · 02/03/2015 11:35

in that documentary Janine I was surprised as in my ignorance I supposed that there were the same laws across the UK. Seemingly not in the case of abortion and NI. A bit of an eye opener. And the amount it would cost to travel to England for the procedure is a bit shocking when you add it up.fine for people with supportive relatives in London I suppose.

Thurlow · 02/03/2015 11:37

That documentary was indeed an eye-opener - I know I also didn't realise that NI had different laws. It's shocking.

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coolaschmoola · 02/03/2015 11:45

I'm with Worra.... If you think 'there are better times and places...' why did you choose to join in? You could have stayed out of it or told her it wasn't an appropriate time or place and saved yourself the anger reaction.

Instead you joined in and got cross when an often highly emotive subject which people tend to have strong opinions on garnered such opinions.

I don't think your colleague is the only one responsible for how you feel.

Thurlow · 02/03/2015 11:48

I think because it started off as a sensible conversation. We work with news/law so someone asked if anyone knew what was meant by the suggested new gender law when they saw a mention of it. Conversation snowballed and changed quickly, as conversations do.

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linalool · 02/03/2015 12:07

Sunny there is no need for that!

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