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AIBU?

School Help

87 replies

Flissypix · 28/02/2015 23:06

I am looking for advice I am quite cross but as its my dd can't decide if I am being UR.
My dd who is 8 has been doing gymnastics since she was 2.5. She did it for fun and her coach outside of school was also a teacher at school. Just over a year ago she moved to a new Gym and is now a competitive gymnast she trains 12 hours a week. When she made the move the teacher/coach was awful and made life very difficult for my dd (I posted on here)We complained to the school as she was horrible. My dd moved to another class in september and we just stay away from the teacher.
Anyway a few months ago said teacher approached me at a meeting and asked if my dd would consider trying out for the school team. I really wanted to avoid it but said I would speak to dd. I did and she said 'no I don't want to Mrs X never picks me for anything'. Teacher approached me again so I talked to dd again and she said she would go for it.
My dd really lacks confidence and is under CAHMS for anxiety however she is totally at home and in her element with gymnastics. It her 'thing'
My dd tried out on Friday and was left out of the team the coach said she wasn't good enough. She then picked 4 girls who go to her gym and few with no experience at all! My daughter grades next weekend and it has really knocked her confidence and she keeps saying Mrs X says I am not good enough. Without sounding like a braggy witch I know for a fact my daughter is hands down the best gymnast at the school (its a small school) she has won the Sports personality award twice and at her last competition she came 3rd in the county (obviously against competitive gymnasts.)
I am furious that she approached me twice and then did this knowing that how shy my dd is and how much courage it took for her to try out. I feel like it was quite personal and unneccesarily unkind.
I want an explanation AIBU?

OP posts:
BlackLabsAreBest · 28/02/2015 23:14

What did the school say when you raised the initial concerns?

I'm very surprised that your DD is shy yet is able to compete in gymnastics.

turquoiseamethyst · 28/02/2015 23:15

Oh REALLY?

Starlightbright1 · 28/02/2015 23:18

Yes it seems harsh and as a parent I would be furious..However I think this may be a lucky escape for your DD.

Is it possible though with your DD Anxiety and her feelings towards teacher she did perform badly?

I may ask for an explanation however I think I would focus on your dd on building her up and avoiding the whole school thing..

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 28/02/2015 23:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mindthegap79 · 28/02/2015 23:24

If she's under CAMHS then it's quite amazing that she's got the confidence to be doing so well with gymnastics. Good on her.

Flissypix · 28/02/2015 23:34

When I raised my concerns last year, we got as far as an official complaint the school took it very seriously and the teacher apologised.
Turquoiseamethyst oh REALLY what?
I asked dd if she had performed well she said she had, it was very basic gymnastics forward roll, back roll, handstand.
She is under CAHMS for anxiety and possible ASD,she is very focussed. It has taken us years and so much energy to get this to this point. She totally understands she can't always win or be on every team but it was very simple gym and to be told she wasn't good enough has really knocked her.

OP posts:
SuburbanRhonda · 28/02/2015 23:35

Do you think it might make more sense to concentrate on how your DD feels about this, rather than how you feel?

If she's under CAMHS you need to be supporting their therapeutic work at home by modelling resilience. Becoming angry and anxious about this yourself will jeopardise any progress she is making with CAMHS.

Flissypix · 28/02/2015 23:40

I am concentrating on my dd, shes bloody upset! I have reassured her that she is very good and perhaps she just wasn't the right fit for the team. However I want an explanation I feel like the teacher has been very underhand. Why approach us twice if she didn't want her on the team she coached her for 5 years she knows what type of gymnast she is.

OP posts:
NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 28/02/2015 23:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SuburbanRhonda · 28/02/2015 23:46

I'm not questioning how your DD feels, OP. Her reaction seems perfectly normal as she's disappointed not to have been chosen.

I'm worried about your reaction and the fact that you say you feel furious towards the gym teacher for not picking your DD for the team. That seems disproportionate.

If you want to encourage your DD to take part in competitive sport, one of the most important lessons you can help her learn is how to handle failure. That will be far more valuable to her than hounding the teacher for an explanation.

BlackLabsAreBest · 28/02/2015 23:46

If the teacher hasn't seen your DD do gymnastics in a long time perhaps she wanted to give her the opportunity of being on the school team? It doesn't matter whether your DD has won Sports Personality etc. if she wasn't good enough, then that's the end of it.

BlackLabsAreBest · 28/02/2015 23:48

I'm worried about your reaction and the fact that you say you feel furious towards the gym teacher for not picking your DD for the team. That seems disproportionate

^this is how I see your post too.

Floralnomad · 28/02/2015 23:50

She asked her to try out ,she didn't guarantee a place ,if all they had to do was a forward roll and a handstand perhaps the others were simply better on the day - frankly I don't know why teachers bother to run anything where they have to select children as they are bound to upset someone ( usually a parent !)

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 28/02/2015 23:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flissypix · 28/02/2015 23:53

DD said that was what was said, but that is why I want to ask for an explanation. Coach has seen dd do gym she attended her last competition. I appreciate how this sounds I really do but I know she is good enough. She was asked to do some very basic stuff that she is more than capable of. I am furious at the teachers actions why bother approaching us?

My dd is prepared (as much as possible) to fail last year she entered several competitions in some she took 3/4 golds in others she failed to medal at all its part of the nature of the sport particularly on beams/bar as one slip and its over.

OP posts:
Flissypix · 28/02/2015 23:56

I feel the need to add I am venting on here I have done none of this in front of my dd. I am very calm in front of her and upbeat with her.

OP posts:
SuburbanRhonda · 28/02/2015 23:56

My dd is prepared (as much as possible) to fail

Sorry to say this, OP, but it sounds llike she could teach you a thing or two about resilience Smile

GiddyOnZackHunt · 28/02/2015 23:57

I read this differently. It looks as if disgruntled teacher/former coach has taken an opportunity to bring your DD down a peg, possibly as a form of revenge. Maybe it's true, maybe it isn't.
The important thing is how your DD views it. Perhaps you should present it as the teacher picking the four best matches. If your DD has a different style then she may not fit well with the other girls but the teacher wouldn't have known until try out. Doesn't mean DD is wrong, just different. And as an ASD parent, we know about different!

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 28/02/2015 23:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CultureSucksDownWords · 01/03/2015 00:00

Would it not be a reasonable thing to concentrate on the gymnastics out of school, and politely decline all invites to try out or do gym for the school? Keep the two things completely separate? Especially as the outside school stuff seems to be going well, and the in school stuff sounds more basic. The teacher sounds a bit odd, and if your daughter is sensitive to this then best to keep her completely away from her.

Try to let the fury and anger go. Use it to make different decisions next time, if there is one.

facedontfit · 01/03/2015 00:03

Third in the county, that's very impressive.

This teacher sounds like she is holding a grudge. YANBU to be angry especially as she pestered you for your daughter to try for the team, despite already having been told no.

Floralnomad · 01/03/2015 00:06

Perhaps she picked the team on the basis of the try out rather than her existing knowledge which is the whole point of having a 'try out' , frankly it sounds like you have an issue with this teacher and want to make more out of this than is necessary .

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BiscuitMillionaire · 01/03/2015 00:07

OP, YANBU, I think the other posters here don't get it. Your DD is competing at county level, but this teacher who has already behaved nastily towards her and had to apologise (after she left her club), failed to pick her after having to do some very basic stuff. It's obvious she still bears a grudge. I would be angry too, if my child had been treated like this, especially if she's shy and possibly ASD.

The difficult question is what to do about it. I don't think it's worth making another complaint, as it would be difficult to prove anything. Just continue to follow your own better judgment and avoid her.

Flissypix · 01/03/2015 00:07

Surburban- I am baffled tbh I don't understand why I need to be more resilent? I am upset for my dd and wondering whether I should question a decison made by a teacher in the past has been unprofessional towards her (and me)in the past.
Like I said I have done none of this in front of dd. Needascarf,my dd needs the reassurance that she is not rubbish at gym as she takes things at face value and to her if her ex coach who she thought the world of tells her shes no good that means she isn't hence the reassurance.
Giddyon that's how I feel, she was on the team with the other girls until she left her old club but that is why I would like some more info and wondering how exactly to ask.

OP posts:
CultureSucksDownWords · 01/03/2015 00:10

Do you want to get the try out decision changed and your DD to be on the team?

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