To think that something can be done about this?

[namechangebookworry]

I've name changed (because this is completely identifiable to anyone that knows me! But I've been on here for years)

My father and I are nc, he hasn't met my children and I hope he never will. He was an abusive husband and has held a grudge against my mum finally leaving him for over 20 years. He's tried his best to make our lives miserable, sending my mum awful messages constantly, trying to take me to court for access to my children (he didn't get permission) and generally being a nasty person.

He contacted my mum to tell her he's written a book. And it's (self) published, and she might 'recognise' a few of the characters.

I read it last night (and shouldn't have) and it's horrendous. It's about my mum mostly, horrible things that happen to her and her admitting she's a terrible person, it's filled with lies about their past - things that she didn't do or didn't happen... And I'm in it a bit as
someone who gets my 'comeuppance' by my children being taken away and my husband leaving. He writes things in there like I'm an alcoholic and my children are ashamed of me. (Which is entirely not true, not only am I not an alcoholic, they are 1 and 4... Not sure they can feel ashamed at that age regardless!!)

It's a horrible, upsetting read. Usually we just rise above the stuff he does and he leaves us alone for a few months, but he's sunk really low this time. My mums dad died a couple of months ago and it's been obviously really hard for us all. He chose to send this to my mum on his birthday... And included a scene about someone being cremated - graphically.

It's too much. It's making my mum ill. I called the police about him once before when he was sending me threatening messages and voicemails and they visited him and warned him off... But is there actually anything that can be done about this?

[WorraLiberty]

I don't think anything can be done if he hasn't named anyone and he's written it as fiction.

The one thing I would say is that you or your Mum should never ever admit to reading it, because that way he's got exactly what he wanted.

It's hardly likely to be a best seller, so just don't give him the satisfaction he's craving.

He sounds like a nasty bastard but also an attention seeking one.

[NetballHoop]

Wow he sounds very nasty.
The only advice I can offer is to entirely ignore him and his book. He's only written it to hurt you and your mother. No one else will read it, and even if they did they'd never make the connection to you unless they already know you. If they already know you they'll see it as the vindictive bile that it is.

[seaoflove]

Ugh, how awful. I really don't know if anything can be done. He would argue that it's a work of fiction and any resemblance to real people is a coincidence, blah blah.

Think of it this way though: it's self published because it's utter crap. Anyone with a big enough ego can self publish any old nonsense. Is anyone likely to pay good money for it, or even read it?

Leave the bitter old man to stew in his bitterness for the rest of his days. Forget the "book" (in the loosest definition of the word) ever existed.

[namechangebookworry]

I know that he's changed names and would argue it is fiction, but my mum has messages telling her he's writing a book about her... Then another that's like 'wait until you read about yourself in my book' and then finally it being sent with the thing about characters you might recognise.

Places they lived, timelines etc exactly match life (he even talks about trying to take me to court) so is there not some proof?

[SolomanDaisy]

Does he use your actual names?

[puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE]

What a vile man! So sorry OP

I second what Worra has said, do not let on you've read it.

[Charlotte3333]

It's hard because you probably want to physically do something to stop this, but the best thing is to ignore it. He's obviously desperately unhappy (which is his own doing, no question) so is trying to destroy your Mum's happiness by doing this.

Could you talk to your Mum about the psychology behind why he did it; show her that unhappy people do ridiculous things to upset the people they still care about? Not to justify or excuse it, but so that she knows it's not about her but about him? It might sound pretentious but Mindfulness has a place sometimes; you can't change that he's written this, but you can change how you look at it, and how it affects you.

Your poor Mum, though, after 20 years she really does deserve a break.x

[SolomanDaisy]

Sorry, cross post.

[namechangebookworry]

No, he's changed names but not imaginatively! Think Jane to Jenny, Steve to Sam etc..

[oldgrandmama]

It's self published, so he's paid a lot of money for a pile of books that will never go on sale anywhere. I agree - don't let him know you or your mum read it, he'd get off on that, knowing he'd upset you.
Yes, it's hard, but just ignore him. Even if he hands out copies to a few of his friends (if he has any) I bet they know what a shit he is.

If, of course, he has actually NAMED you, your mum and others, in his horrid lies, then that is libel and he can be prosecuted. But from what you post, it seems it's 'fiction'.


A really nasty thing to do, and I'm not surprised how hurt you are. But just ignore, if you can. And keep no contact.

[StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes]

burn it and forget it and as others have said do not ever let on that you read it as he will get exactly what he wants. Ignore the bitter and twisted man

[limitedperiodonly]

You don't have to name someone to libel them. If they are identifiable in other ways, that's it. Claiming it's a work of fiction doesn't work either.

It sounds like he might have done that, but it's probably not worth taking any action. It will be expensive and how many people are going to read his stupid vanity publication anyway?

Try and ignore him.

[MyNameIsInigoMontoya]

No expert, but if he is sending your mum messages regularly and she has made it clear that she doesn't want to hear from him at all, ever, I would have thought this might count as harassment?

Is she also totally NC with him and has she ever told him anything like that (preferably by email/text so there's a record of it)? If not that might be a starting point. And I agree, don't admit to reading it ever!

[oldgrandmama]

limitperiodonly is correct - it can be libel if characters in the 'fiction' are identifiable. I agree that even if they are, not worth going down the legal route - costs a fortune and all it would do is give the horrible old man further satisfaction to be the centre of attention and know how much he's upset you.

[Nomama]

Burn the copy he sent to your mum, pop the ashes into an envelope with a note: Returned unread.

But no reply whatsoever is probably the best idea! Just don't give him the satisfaction.

And do have a good chat with your mum, maybe offer to take anything he sends to her, unopened, to deal with. Instead of her opening and reading.

Keep it for a few months then send it back... or just bin it!

Sorry, half of me acknowledges that you want him to know you don't care. The other half acknowledges that no response at all will bother him most!

[NeedABumChange]

Why does he even have your mums number? You can get numbers blocked on house phones too you know?

[ToffeeCaramel]

He's harrassing you and your mum isn't he? Could you warn him you will apply for an injunction?

[Boofy27]

What a horrible, bitter man, it must have been hell growing up with him, I'm sorry that happened to you. Maybe you could spend a few moments with your children today, reflecting on how different their childhoods will be and what an excellent job you've done making that so.

[WorraLiberty]

Taking him to court would be lengthy, expensive and probably pointless in all honesty because it would give him the attention he's craving.

You know he's only done this to upset you and your Mum.

If you both pretend you haven't read it and never will, it makes it a completely pointless exercise for him doesn't it?

[ToffeeCaramel]

Yes, that's probably the best thing to do

[ToffeeCaramel]

He's spent all that money expressly to cause huge upset and get a big reaction/attention, so best thing to do is act unbothered and like you've not read it

[Chillyegg]

Just did a quick google to see if there's anything you can do and one pieces of advice is to keep all evidence of harassment including parcels, burn voicemail onto a disk screen shot texts and print them and keep the original . Your dad sounds like a twat so I assume there's a lot,and give the whole lot to the police as evidence. I agree with others don't admit to reading the book, but he's a bully and bully's need it ting in their place.

[AmateurSeamstress]

It's not even a real book. It's just an elaborate, expensive bullying incident. All that time and money he has poured into it, pointlessly, while you and your mum were busy living more productive lives without him.

I agree with others; never, ever admit either of you have deigned to read it. And be around for your mum as much as you can, so she can talk if she wants to. But how horrible.

[Chillyegg]

Putting

[ToffeeCaramel]

I really feel for you that your dad is a twisted bully. You did the right thing going nc. Your mum needs to not engage too.