To tell a colleague to STFU?

[ManOfSpiel]

I've just been relocated to another part of the office and am now sat in a bay with a young lad. At first he seemed ok but is one of those nosey types who, in conversation, has asked me about my house, cars etc etc. I'm in no way rich but am of the age now (40's) where I have only just been able to buy a few nice things for myself.

I don't know what's up with this lad but now he has a bit of info on me he continuously drops my possessions into any conversation in a snipy/jokey way. It's like he has a huge chip or some inferiority complex and is doing his utmost to make me feel bad about it.

For instance he'll point out his old scuffed shoes and then say, "well you don't have that problem with your xyz brand of shoes do you", so bloody loud that the rest of the office can hear. Or he'll tell me about having to repair his car but then follow it up with, "but of course you don't worry about repairs with your brand new xyz".

He was bloody nosey enough to ask me about my stuff and now he's making some huge thing about it. If I knew what he was like then I'd have lied.

Would I be unreasonable to tell him to fuck off next time he says something? He never acts like this about anyone else in the office and it's really wearing thin.

[puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE]

Kill him, much easier

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Utterly reasonable, IMO.

[FenellaFellorick]

"well you don't have that problem with your xyz brand of shoes do you",

"no, I don't"

"but of course you don't worry about repairs with your brand new xyz".

"no, I don't"

Perhaps before telling him to stfu, you could see if the slightly more subtle "your comments are inappropriate and you need to stop" might work.

[CaptainAnkles]

How rude. Maybe 'STFU' is a bit much during work, but you should say something. I bet if you did it back to him about brands of stuff he has, he wouldn't appreciate it.

[ImperialBlether]

I think this is where you have to use your age against his.

Take him into a separate room where nobody else can hear you and just tell him what you've said here.

"You've asked me a lot of questions about my things and now you bring them up in a sarcastic manner all the time. You have to remember I've been working for twenty years and it's only now I've been able to afford anything nice. I don't want you to talk about my possessions in the office - I don't know why you keep bringing it up, but I want you to stop it now."

Then leave the room.

[ManOfSpiel]

Thank you for all the posts appealing to my more rational side

I'm not the confrontational type so the STFU thing is just fantasy but I really feel like it.

Why are some people like this? I just don't understand what he has to gain from this at all

[FenellaFellorick]

He probably feels inferior or jealous or something. Not your problem and no reason you should put up with it.

[ToomuchIsBackOnBootcamp]

Imperial blether has put it perfectly ^ use this!

Or staple his nuts to the desk. Your choice.

[ManOfSpiel]

Yep, thanks Imperial

Going to print it out though so I can staple it to his nuts

[Blue03]

Stapling nuts sounds like the best advice

[whatisforteamum]

he feels insecure about your experience in the workplace so he is looking for supposed "flaws".He must be shallow if he thinks branded or designer things can make you a better person.
Better still send him round mine to see my second hand dining table all polished with flowers on it..good enough for me then i show him how to make his money go further in primark :)

[ImperialBlether]

Stapled nuts comes as an automatic add-on to any of my posts on here!

[ManOfSpiel]

whatisforteamum

That's the thing though. I'm hardly flash and most of my office attire is Primark. I just like reasonable quality shoes and the occasional smart jacket/jumper.

[ThingummyJigg]

Could you go with "mm....yes you keep saying that sort of thing" every time the little bollix comes out with another bitchwhinge?


Or you could go passive aggressive mess-with-his-tiny-leetle-mind and tell everyone else in the office you buy your shoes from Tesco and your car belongs to your mate Psycho, who's currently doing a ten stretch for wiping out your last irritating colleague.

Also, beg your managers to get you out of Bellend Corner.

[WONAR]

I like Thingummy's suggestions

[TinLizzie]

I'm afraid I'd just get TOTALLY outrageous, and start feeding him all sorts of crap. I'd show him a picture of the most enormous manor house and tell him you've just moved in. I'd have some fun with it, tbh and have done this in the past with similar situations. Then throw in something about shopping in the cheapest place you can find.

Confuse the little git so that he can't figure you out at all.

[GatoradeMeBitch]

Could you go with "mm....yes you keep saying that sort of thing" every time the little bollix comes out with another bitchwhinge?

Yes! Meet passive-aggressive with more passive-aggressive, either said in a snidey way or quizzically with a tilt of the head as if you're worried for his mental wellbeing!

[TinLizzie]

Thinking about it, my MILTB is like this! Unfortunately, even an item of clothing with an M&S label brings out the 'oooooh, get you''s from her. It's tiresome and a little bit scary that we're so utterly different!! She seems to think that I'm a 'miss fancy pants' because I won't buy utter rubbish (but I don't buy labels either).

Her problem, not mine.

[TinLizzie]

Just read that back and realised that I've put M&S and 'I don't buy utter rubbish' in the same paragraph.

[Nanny0gg]

I like the suggestion of using the age difference; explain that you have worked and saved for many years and that he is being very rude, but (slightly passive aggressive!) you are sure that he doesn't intend to be so perhaps he hasn't thought through how his 'jokes' will come across?

Disagree
Doesn't matter how many years you've worked and saved, you can buy what the hell you want.

I'd just ask him what business it is of his and unless he's got anything to say that's work-related you would prefer it if he'd just keep quiet.

I also find it bizarre that a young lad could care less what a woman in her 40s was spending her money on.

[SolasEile]

In the most patronizing tone you can muster, say to him: 'Did your mother never teach you that it's rude to make personal comments?'

Or if you want to be rational and calm about it (I wouldn't manage to be in your shoes ), take him aside to have a word.

[ManOfSpiel]

I also find it bizarre that a young lad could care less what a woman in her 40s was spending her money on.

It probably doesn't make much difference to this discussion but I'm a man. Thinking about it he's such a knob that he probably doesn't like the fact that my wife drives a better car than him or something.

He really pissed me off when we first met as he was asking about my car. He then asked, "so what does your wife drive, a little.........".

I think he expected me to say some tiny little hatchback, cos that's what wives are supposed to drive innit, but I interjected, "what saloon?". For some reason it didn't compute and it seemed to confuse him that my wife drives a much, much better car than I do. So what?

Anyway, fortunately I ignored him today as I couldn't put up with any more of his crap and after this thread I really felt like stapling his balls to his desk!

[NollaigShona]

Do you think he is a bit ...er... fixated on you? Got a bit of a boy crush? Not commenting to annoy you but just to get your attention?