to feel so stressed out at home

[2boysandcounting1]

I feel so stressed out at the moment and I don't know what to do or where to start to make it better. I live in a small 2 bed semi which I don't want to be in as it's so small I feel claustrophobic in an area I don't really want to be in even though I was born here. Area wise I find boring and nothing to do. I have 3 boys aged 4,3 and 2months.

My husband is very untidy and this stresses me out also. Always leaving clothes all around the house, think I have found socks in every room. Wet towels left on the bed or bedroom floor. Doors to cupboards left open, things left out of fridge to go bad like milk etc. He leaves his drawers open with clothes hanging out so I have to close them every time I go into bedroom otherwise I can't get past. He will put trousers in wash basket with belt left on or with one trouser leg inside out so when washed I have to put my arm up a wet trouser leg to hang to dry. Writing this down sounds really petty but it's really getting to me.

I wouldn't class my husband as lazy, he works 2 jobs but it's just his untidy ways and also I feel I never get a break away from the children as sometimes in the evening he will pop to the shops to get some food and if I ask him to take the baby with him he moans saying it's a gaff getting him in and out the baby seat but then I'm left at home trying to put the other two to bed and if the baby starts crying I feel I can't settle the other 2 down properly. I can just feel so much stress and tension in me at the moment.

It's not the children that are the problem but I feel the house is one disorganised mess and I can't get on top of anything due to mess my husband leaves and demands of breastfeeding and I feel like I'm always sitting in a mess. I'm actually ashamed of my house so don't invite friends round, it doesn't feel like a home and as soon as I come into the house I can feel the stress in me.

I actually enjoy tidying up and feel calm when the house looks nice but as soon as my husband gets home he takes off his shoes, coat jumper and shirt and just dumps them randomly and I'm starting to resent it now and feel so disheartened that I have wasted my time. Any tips or advice on what I can do or how to have a tidier home as feel absolutely drained with it all.

[ilovesooty]

Yes. Tell him he should tidy up after himself. You're not his slave.

[2boysandcounting1]

I talk to him all the time about the mess. He even agrees on occasions he is not tidy but nothing changes. It's starting to affect my well-being and I don't want to be in the house. I even said to him if I didn't live with him we would get on! I even try to leave his mess but I end up having to just step over things and I don't want to live like this.

He has on occasions left the front door unlocked overnight, leaves lights on all day when he has gone to work and curtains closed all day(this was when I was staying out of the house with the children while he was doing D.I.Y) and the other day he left the camping fridge outside which got ruined in the rain! Don't mean to sound like I'm running him down but it's all driving me mad!

[Lucyandpoppy]

Can you hire a cleaner to do a deep clean and then possibly one or two mini cleans a week?

Or, could you get someone to take the kids for a day and just blitz the whole house?

The key to a tidy house is definately storage :D Ensure that you have adaquate storage and if not invest in some, that way all the clutter can be thrown in to storage and not scattered. Actually ideally it would be good to go around with a bin bag and a ruthless attitude and get rid of all the clutter to bin/give to charity/sell. That way there is less to tidy :) Use paper plates for snacks to save on washing up. In the ad breaks on tv do a quick tidy.

[DuelingFanjo]

Top tip.

Pick up the clothes, put the clothes in a black bin liner and put the bin liner on top of the wardrobe. Forget about them.

He can do his own washing.

[2boysandcounting1]

We can't afford a cleaner but I have bought more storage boxes for the boys toys so they can go in the cupboard which is better. I also went around with a bin bag which was really satisfying

What I have been doing is picking the clothes up and putting them his side of the bed. Just wish the house looked presentable when people turn up unexpected.

[chocolateyy]

My OH was/is like this too & is drives me mad.

I bought a storage box for every room in the house (with a lid), and everything he left lying about I put in the box & put the lid on.

If his clothes weren't in the washing basket they didn't get washed.

If he left a half-drunk cup of tea, it got put in the box in the living room (if that happened to soak the sweater, book, x-box controller that was already in there, so be it)

He doesn't do it as much now, but even if he does, I feel like the rooms are much tidier, because all of his shite is packed away!

[missingmumxox]

My Dh is not lazy but he does the floor drobe thing, clutter everywhere, I used to lead him by the hand to the bedroom, open the door gesture to the clutter, not saying a word and walk down stairs again, he still does it at night but does pick it up the next day.
I have since Last summer sorted the clutter, it has been a long and painful experience, but got easier for me as each time the relief I felt when it was gone completely overwhelmed my feeling of what ifs and what a waste.

I have been selling big stuff on FB , charity shops, clothes sold by the kg, given to friends and family, reusing, re purposing, eg, chipped mugs broken and used in the bottom of garden containers, worn through sheets, stained/ ripped clothes are cut up for cleaning rags, not bought kitchen roll in over a year.
this weekend I still have a clean house after getting rid of 4 bags of rubbish and 5 to the charity shop
I knew I couldn't have a new home so had to make the most of what I have,
I can find stuff now so no buying things again, or pulling out cupboards/boxes then having to put all the stuff back in.

My only issue is all the storage boxes I know longer need

3 young children is hard bloody work, pick 1 box/ draw a day and sort it.

Good luck

[AntiHop]

I'm not surprised your having trouble keeping your home tidy as you've got a small house, 3 kids and a husband who doesn't tidy up. I totally understand, I feel the same. I wish I had more time to keep my place tidy and more space for all my stuff. Before I had my dd I cleared out as much as I could to make space for baby stuff but I still don't have enough space. You need to tell your dh how you feel.

[Purplepoodle]

I like the box idea in each room. If he leaves it lying, stick it in the box. Is he home thatch working 2 jobs

[Saltedcaramel2014]

Hi. I'm sorry you're feeling stressed out. I can see why. There are two things worth looking at here - one is the practical side of things, and there are lots of good tips from other posters here. The other, though, is that your partner doesn't seem to understand or appreciate the way you are feeling, and that his actions are contributing to you feeling this stressed out. It doesn't seem like there is an equal distribution of labour/share of childcare during the time you are both in the house (I'm thinking particularly of what you say about asking him to help with the baby). Personally I wouldn't put up with his attitude and I not think you should either - if you are breastfeeding then he should at the very least be tidying up his own stuff. He's not a child, you have three of those and don't need another. I think he needs a wake up call.

[2boysandcounting1]

Just come back to the thread after putting children to bed. I like the idea of a storage box in each room because things that need to be put in other rooms in the house can be put in there and put away the next day so its not on show.


I need to make the most of the house i have got because realistically we cannot afford to move yet and undecided when we do move where to as i would like to move completely away to somewhere like the West Country so don't want to move then move again as will be to expensive but if the house was tidier it would make me like where i live more.

I tell my husband about the mess and he says he doesn't have time but if he tidied as he went he would be happier to as he is always looking for keys, phone,wallet etc and destroys the house trying to find them then has to leave the house with me in the mess!

[2boysandcounting1]

Saltedcaramel, that's what i think to, i ask him to take the baby with him if he is popping out as the baby settles in the car but when I'm putting the other two to bed and the baby starts crying i can't do the bedtime routine properly as trying to settle boys down and also aware baby probably needs feeding/settling. He is not taking the baby with him to make his life easier but it makes my life harder.

[Surreyblah]

He is bang out of order to go out alone at bedtime with three DC of those ages, especially if it can be tricky, that is very selfish behaviour. Working 2 jobs doesn't mean he ceases to have responsibility as a parent and partner.

I would do the shove ALL his crap in boxes and leave it thing!

[arethereanyleftatall]

My dh is exactly the same unfortunately. He has taken not doing any hw to a new level ; like yours not even closing cupboard doors after he's opened them, everything is left exactly where it came off.
My strategy, similar to other posters, is - every morning I gather up everything that is his, including left coffee cups etc(luckily empty) and dump it all in a corner of our room- it's kind of hidden behind the bed so not visible from the door. He has to sort it out - if it's not in the washing basket it doesn't get washed.