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AIBU?

to not let bfs dad dictate how I parent ds

35 replies

jemima1988 · 31/01/2015 15:42

something has just happen that has really pissed me off!

We are staying at my bfs dad's I am trying to stop co sleeping with my 4 months old DS. whenever he falls asleep now I want him going onto his bed so he gets used to being alone.
up to now I have fed him to sleep then he has slept with me. I want to get him used to sleeping alone then I will tackle self settling.
bfs dad knows this as 30 mins ago I was telling him about a book I was reading that looked at getting babies into a sleeping routine without them screaming. (he thinks this is the 1 and only way of doing things)

I DO NOT WANT OR BELIEVE IN LETTING MY BABY SCREAM

so I feed ds he's asleep and he goes into his bed 5-6 mins later he wakes up. bfs dad moves the bed near to help blocking me and starts talking to ds. ds is obviously still tired and bfs dad tries to talk him to sleep which is fine until my son starts screaming and he refuses to pick him up and starts shouting back!! I tell him to pick him up and he wouldn't so I went round and cuddled him bfs dad stormed out the room saying he will never learn

my son had pooed and that's why he was crying.

AIBU to think my son my parenting either follow it or do 1?

OP posts:
eurochick · 31/01/2015 15:44

He's shouting at a four month old baby? Wtaf?

jemima1988 · 31/01/2015 15:47

Not shouting as in aggressive just raising his voice "I can shout louder than you" kind of thing but either way it's not soothing

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 31/01/2015 15:49

Blocking you from getting to your baby would only be acceptable if you were about to harm him. He's a dick.

outtahell · 31/01/2015 15:49

Move out, OP, and never look back. No alone time with grandad ever ever EVER - fuck knows how he'd deal with a biting screaming 1yo if a crying 4mo makes him shout and scream. Where does your bf stand on all this?

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 31/01/2015 15:50

Do you live with them? What are your plans to move out?

jemima1988 · 31/01/2015 15:54

We don't live here we just come some weekends.
bf think we should try controlled crying he tried 1 night I sat in tears for 10 mins till I told him 2 screw himself my baby is crying he needs me

I just think he is very old school eg they are fed every 4 hours if they cry tuff

but he knows I don't want that

OP posts:
Poofus · 31/01/2015 16:00

Your baby is far too young for controlled crying.

Topseyt · 31/01/2015 16:01

He clearly doesn't get it., does he? The bf's dad, I mean.

Admittedly mine were fairly good settlers from a very early age (very lucky) but if the did start to scream there was usually a good reason for it, like a pooey nappy, or uncomfortable with wind etc. and it didn't take long to sort out.

weebarra · 31/01/2015 16:07

I'd avoid controlled crying in such a young baby. Your bf's dad sounds like a twat. It's absolutely fine not to let your baby cry. Fwiw I did do controlled crying with all three of mine, but they were over one.

outtahell · 31/01/2015 16:08

Ok, you don't live there OP that's good. Stop going round there with your baby.

Anyone who deliberately physically blocked me from tending to my child (to point score no less) would find themselves being physically fucking moved - yes, under their own roof as well. Get angry, OP.

FuckOffGroundhog · 31/01/2015 16:16

YANBU. He doesn't sound like he actually knows anything about babies, was he very hands on with your boyfriend?

He needs to learn that if he wants to spend time with your very young breastfed baby he needs to listen to you. Until a time in which the baby is old enough to come with your boyfriend by themselves.

hamptoncourt · 31/01/2015 16:27

Stop visiting - BF can visit his dad if he wants to, without you or DS.

I agree 4 months is too little for controlled crying.

PtolemysNeedle · 31/01/2015 16:33

Just stop going to stay there.

Finola1step · 31/01/2015 16:37

Blimey.

Your bf's dad ( baby's grandad?) IBVVU in his approach. He has no right to block you way to your baby and no right to disturb you while to are settling.

He is old fashioned in his views but many people are with a "this is how we did it in our way" attitude. Be watchful of his influence over your bf wrt to parenting!

Viviennemary · 31/01/2015 16:39

You shouldn't stay there a minute longer. At least you don't live there. I thought you meant you did. Stop going till he learns to mind his own business.

TooHasty · 31/01/2015 17:00

bf think we should try controlled crying he tried 1 night I sat in tears for 10 mins till I told him 2 screw himself my baby is crying he needs me

Umm I think you need to remember that 'your' Ds is just as much your BFs DS

kawliga · 31/01/2015 17:04

I found your post very confusing. Why is your boyfriend's dad helping you out with putting the baby to sleep? Confused Why are you trying to parent your child in your boyfriend's dad's house? Why can't you just visit and go home like normal people?

Topseyt · 31/01/2015 17:30

Kawliga, she does say they are visiting. They just go there some weekends.

weebarra · 31/01/2015 17:35

Quite often people stay with parents or in laws overnight. It's not unknown.

PterodactylTeaParty · 31/01/2015 17:36

refuses to pick him up and starts shouting back!

How does he even think that's going to work? The 4-month-old baby's going to think "ah, an adult here who is shouting - that's nice and relaxing, I'll just curl up and go to sleep"?

Ignore him, carry on doing your own thing. The man has no clue and it is totally out of line to block you from going to your baby.

kawliga · 31/01/2015 17:38

I meant, why not visit for the day, there is no need to stay there overnight. If it's too far, stay in a hotel. If you can't afford a hotel, tell him to visit you instead, that way you're in your own home and he can't block you in or whatever.

jemima1988 · 31/01/2015 17:42

I'm very glad it isn't just me who thought he was out of line.

as I said my bf wants to try controlled crying but as it is me who is up in the night and me who has him 24/7 not my bf I think this is my decision

OP posts:

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kawliga · 31/01/2015 17:55

OP, regarding your boyfriend's dad, why do you have to stay overnight at his house and let him help you put the baby to sleep Confused?

Regarding your boyfriend: this is different as both of you are parents and both of you should agree on how to parent. It is not good for the baby if there is so much squabbling going on around his sleep training.

Back to the boyfriend's dad since your OP was about the dad: sorry, I still don't see why you have to stay with him and let him become the third party in your parenting disagreements if already you and the baby's father can't agree on how to sleep train him. You are squabbling already, and then bringing in the bf's father who is adding shouting to the mix?

Oscarandelliesmum · 31/01/2015 18:04

I think that you have every right to parent your very young, bf baby in the way you see fit. Yes, your partner is his father but as you say, you are the one that looks after him and feeds him so your opinion should have more weight. Especially as you have all the current parenting knowledge on your side. Four months is far too young to cc and even if you went down that route, not responding for ten minutes would be far, far too long. Stick to your guns and agree with pp's.......Never let BF father near him in those circumstances again. Dreadful man, your poor ds

Quitelikely · 31/01/2015 19:08

Oh come on he was only trying to help! My mum has said to me on many occasions 'they'll never learn' I didn't find it upsetting or offensive as she was genuinely trying to be helpful.

You can't just expect a co sleeping baby to all of a sudden start sleeping alone IMO.

Not at 4 months anyway. I would never leave a 4 month to cry it out. IMO you should finish what you have started and wait another few months at least.

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