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AIBU?

to not go to wedding?

55 replies

stayorgooo · 29/01/2015 00:10

Name changed.

Wedding of old friend this weekend at the other end of the country. We were looking forward to going as a family: me, dh, and dd. Hotel booked etc.

Dd has just come down with chicken pox. She obviously won't be able to come to the wedding now.

Options are:

  1. we all stay home
  2. I go alone and dh stays with dd. However I can't drive and it is very difficult to get to. I have tried and failed to source a lift. I have mobility problems so would struggle with public transport on my own.
  3. We all go but dh stays in with dd during the wedding. I don't know if the hotel would allow a poxy child to stay however.

    Wwyd?
OP posts:
SavoyCabbage · 29/01/2015 00:12

Isn't it not contagious when the spots show? Or is that an old wives tale?

Musicaltheatremum · 29/01/2015 00:14

Approximately 6 days after spots come out you are still contagious.

Andro · 29/01/2015 00:15

Contagious until the spots have all crusted over Savoy.

YellowTulips · 29/01/2015 00:17

Cancel.

I don't think the bridal party would welcome post celebration CP or shingles.....

Seriously you don't know everyone at a function like this (perhaps people with reduced immunity/early pregnancy etc) and to expose them is just not appropriate.

Send your apologies asap so they can "fill the places" or reduce the cost.

stayorgooo · 29/01/2015 00:18

www.nhs.uk/conditions/chickenpox/Pages/Introduction.aspx

According to NHS website it is no longer contagious once blisters have scabbed over fully (usually 5-6 days after rash begins). So dd will still be infectious this weekend.

OP posts:
Andro · 29/01/2015 00:18

OP, you daughter would likely be miserable on a long journey so soon after the spots starting. I'd keep her at home where she can be kept more comfortable more easily - seat belts/car seats and itchy spots are not a nice mix.

Only1scoop · 29/01/2015 00:19

Yanbu....

I'd cancel or just go solo

stayorgooo · 29/01/2015 00:21

yellow I wouldn't dream of exposing anyone. I am immune. I just feel bad about letting bride down at the last minute.. Wondering if there is any way around this.

OP posts:
Spincyclist · 29/01/2015 00:23

I think option 1 would be reasonable.

3, I don't know if the hotel would actually ban you but it's not very fair to risk spreading her germs about. Even if you get every meal on room service (please do), someone will have to change her poxy sheets afterwards. Plus she would be much more comfortable at home.

If you all stayed at the hotel there would be the extra cost of meals out for you all. If you go by yourself, can you put the cost of DH and DD's meals etc towards funding taxis? Swap hotel room for a cheaper single room if possible? Or ring bride or her family to ask if they can suggest someone you can cadge a lift from. There might be a single person without satnav who'd love to have a navigator.

There is also the option of just your DH going to 'represent' you but posdibly not much fun for him.

stayorgooo · 29/01/2015 00:29

How miserable do children get with chicken pox?

A relative has offered to have her for the weekend but I don't really think that is fair.

spin I don't think I could manage public transport ATM even with taxis on my own. Good suggestion about asking bride and groom re lift.

Dh going on his own wouldn't be much fun for him as it is my friends.

OP posts:
hoobypickypicky · 29/01/2015 00:34

Chicken pox is wickedly contagious and can be transmitted merely by being in the same room as a sufferer. The chances of you catching it if you come into contact with a sufferer (and you haven't had it before) are nearly 100%.

Please don't risk putting anybody through that. I've seen an adult who was under treatment for cancer catch it just through cleaning the bedroom of a child sufferer. She was so, so ill, it was only stubbornness which prevented her from being hospitalised. There's no cost to you in being considerate, but the cost to the immuno suppressed could be drastic.

Spincyclist · 29/01/2015 00:34

It's very variable stayorgoo. My eldest was pretty much normal after the first 24h of spots but some can be properly ill. And she will still be infectious so difficult to justify taking her to a hotel when you can keep her home.

Spincyclist · 29/01/2015 00:36

Ah sorry, you meant poorliness re: relative. I'd say you'll know in the next 24h! Sounds like a good option if she is ok with the relative. Take flowers and chocolates!

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 29/01/2015 00:38

Honestly, I think only option 2, as long as you can do the journey on your own easily. You might be lucky, but mine were miserable with chicken pox - the itching and the temperature - I wouldn't be happy leaving her with someone else (other than dp obvs). Otherwise cancel.

We thought it's be ok to go round to my mum's, as everyone there had had CP, but a week later my stepdad got shingles (may have been coincidence, but more likely caught from ds) and I felt so guilty.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 29/01/2015 00:40

How does the relative feel about looking after poorly child? How does child feel about the relative, are they close, would they feel safe and secure? And, how ill will your child feel at the weekend (I know you can't predict this)? Depending on the answers I would either all stay home, or take up relative's offer of babysitter and go.

JakeShit · 29/01/2015 00:41

I think you could easily leave her with a nice relative as long as they are both happy with the arrangement - then you and your DH could have a fun child free weekend.

It's late for you all to cancel (although obviously a legitimate reason). Might the bride and groom loose the money for your meal and wI'll you loose the money for your hotel?

stayorgooo · 29/01/2015 00:42

Relative is happy to have sick child.

Dd likes him as long as he gives her chocolate

Dd is happy ATM but the spots have only just come. I don't know how she will feel.

OP posts:
stayorgooo · 29/01/2015 00:43

Jake quite probably we would all lose out financially.

I would hate to cancel so late yes, I just don't know how feasible it is to go.

OP posts:
JakeShit · 29/01/2015 00:44

How far is the drive? What if you and your DH went for just the day.

JakeShit · 29/01/2015 00:45

How old is DD?

stayorgooo · 29/01/2015 00:46

It is around 4h drive without traffic. Going for the day would be possible I guess but a very long day. (Wedding starts early)

OP posts:
stayorgooo · 29/01/2015 00:47

She is 4.

OP posts:

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Italiangreyhound · 29/01/2015 00:54

Do you want to go? If you really want to go I would leave your dd with your dh, travel really light and spring for a taxi (booked in advance) for any bits of the journey that will be very hard (e.g. the last bit from train station or whatever).

If this is not feasible or not affordable I would sent my apologises and ask for a 'date' in a few months time to watch the wedding video with the newly married friend. If this is the case check to see what hotel can do about a refund in these circumstances - especially if you might stay there another time when you go up for your viewing or wedding photos with your friend! Smile

I would not take your dd to a hotel or anywhere out while she is contagious, I would not ask any other relative or friend to look after her.

It is a real shame but these things happen and if I were the bride I would prefer to know now rather than closer to the wedding.

Good luck.

TheEfficiencyMovement · 29/01/2015 00:59

Aww, she is still quite little then. If she is feeling sick then she might want her Mum and Dad.

Do you mean it's a four hour drive each way? If so that would be an awful long way to drive in a day that includes a wedding. If it's four hours in total then that's very doable.

I think you have a really sound reason to cancel if you think it's the best thing to do. Let the bride and groom know ASAP.

Hope your DD feels better soon. Thanks

stayorgooo · 29/01/2015 01:03

Italian I do but I am really struggling mobility wise. I don't think I could manage public transport without someone to help me.

efficiency yes its a 4h drive each way. So it would be a very long day driving.

OP posts:
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