to call the police on a 15 year old?

(253 Posts)
LaLyra Mon 26-Jan-15 19:06:08

My stepson is 15. In September he got himself a girlfriend, it lasted two weeks because she was "too clingy" (wanted to spend ALL their time together and gave him tonnes of grief if he had something else to do). He also confided in his older cousin that she wanted to move the relationship on too quickly for his liking.

Anyway since they split up she has been a pain. She texts him constantly, he's had to change his number twice. She took to hanging around outside of our house and only stopped when I took to ringing her parents every time she appeared. She got in trouble in school for annoying him at breaks and lunchtime. Her parents seem to have tried - they've grounded her several times, taken her phone from her for a week here and there, stopped her using the internet at home etc, but she's completely ignored everyone.

I've just had a call from DS asking me to pick him up after his swimming club. He normally gets the bus, but she and her best friend have turned up there. They've been asked to leave for cheering for him loudly despite the fact he's not racing or anything. He's mortified and is worried she's going to get on the same bus. If he does encounter her personally she either bursts into floods of tears, begging him to take her back or she shouts abuse at him.

I've had enough now. School have tried and her parents seem to have tried, but nothing has worked. I had hoped that the break over Christmas would help her move on. We were away visiting relatives over the holiday and he enjoyed being able to go out places with his cousins without worry about her turning up.

So would I be harsh in saying enough is enough and calling the police?

ThatDamnedBitch Mon 26-Jan-15 19:10:51

No not harsh at all. If the situation was reversed and your DSS was a girl and was being harrassed by an ex boyfriend people would advise you to call the police.

skylark2 Mon 26-Jan-15 19:11:14

"would I be harsh in saying enough is enough and calling the police?"

Yes, if you did so without warning.

Ring her parents again and tell them that you consider this to be stalking and that they need to tell their daughter that the police will be called if she doesn't stop right now.

HelloItsStillMeFell Mon 26-Jan-15 19:12:13

I think involving the police is totally over the top at the moment, and I doubt they'd be able to do anything anyway - no crime has been committed. I think it would be best if you went round to her house and spoke to her parents and told them that she really needs to stop otherwise you will call the police as it's starting to border on harassment and stalking. Hopefully that will embarrass her into stopping.

PopularNamesInclude Mon 26-Jan-15 19:16:06

Call the police. You have tried her parents and the school. She is stalking him.

LadyLuck10 Mon 26-Jan-15 19:17:05

Yanbu but I agree with others that warn her via her parents that you will be doing so if she doesn't stop this behaviour. Your poor dss.

PtolemysNeedle Mon 26-Jan-15 19:19:02

I don't think it would do any harm to call the police just for advice, and to find out what the procedure would be if you wanted to take it further, so I absolutely think you should call the police.

Your dss is experiencing harassment, and people wouldn't hesitate to call the police if the genders were reversed.

Keep the school informed of what's happened, they should know even if it's not on school grounds.

Libitina Mon 26-Jan-15 19:19:10

I agree with Skylark. As she is so young, give her and her parents a final warning and tell them this is the last one. If she does a single thing more, ring the police.

LaurieFairyCake Mon 26-Jan-15 19:19:21

Of course you should go to the police, they will speak to her.

ilovesooty Mon 26-Jan-15 19:21:03

I would also tell her parents that this is an intervention you are considering.

PtolemysNeedle Mon 26-Jan-15 19:21:56

Her parents should already have warned her there's a chance you'll go to the police of she doesn't stop. I don't see why they or her deserve any warning, this child has been being stalked for four months now!

WiiUnfit Mon 26-Jan-15 19:23:04

Difficult one OP, are you able to speak to her to (gently) warn her off, so to speak, e.g. This behaviour is unacceptable and if you don't leave DSS alone, we will have to involve the police?

WorraLiberty Mon 26-Jan-15 19:26:02

I'd speak to her but it wouldn't be gently...it would be very firmly indeed.

One warning that you'll call the Police next time and stick to it.

Sometimes things like this don't end too well, so I would at least want a complaint on record.

LaurieFairyCake Mon 26-Jan-15 19:26:28

You absolutely should not talk to her yourself!

That would be really daft as an adult to do that. I would also approach the school as you say it's also happening in school time

WorraLiberty Mon 26-Jan-15 19:28:03

Why would it be daft to tell her if she doesn't leave him alone, you'll be calling the Police? confused

badtime Mon 26-Jan-15 19:28:09

I agree with ThatDamnedBitch. If this was a boy harassing your 15-year-old daughter, no-one would be so delicate about giving warnings and chances etc.

And harassment and stalking are crimes, whichever poster said no crime had been committed.

The CPS guidance on stalking says:

Whilst there is no strict legal definition of 'stalking', section 2A (3) of the PHA 1997 sets out examples of acts or omissions which, in particular circumstances, are ones associated with stalking. For example, following a person, watching or spying on them or forcing contact with the victim through any means, including social media.

Altinkum Mon 26-Jan-15 19:28:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TwatFaceBitch Mon 26-Jan-15 19:28:50

I agree with pp, if it was reverse boy stalking/harassing girl people would jump straight on it. But I also think that you should warn her and her parents first.

By the sounds off it she will need this wake up call

badtime Mon 26-Jan-15 19:29:46

Harassment:

Although harassment is not specifically defined in section 7(2) of the PHA, it can include repeated attempts to impose unwanted communications and contact upon a victim in a manner that could be expected to cause distress or fear in any reasonable person.

EatShitDerek Mon 26-Jan-15 19:30:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LaLyra Mon 26-Jan-15 19:31:28

Sorry. I know drip feeding is annoying and I don't mean to do it.

She's been told that if she didn't stop before she could get in trouble with the police. The school told her this and her parents did.

I've spoken to her a few times and threatened to call the police when she was hanging about outside of our house. I didn't because of her age and because she stopped hanging about outside the house.

I just don't see the point in speaking to her parents again. Even if they've tried their best with her it's been totally ineffectual. I can't see what would change this time.

Maybe I'm just hacked off because I've got to traipse 2 small kids out in the cold (and leave 2 DDs at home) to pick Ds up when he should be able to just get the bus without any worry (DH is working away this week so can't pick him up. His Mum died when he was young. No family close by) but I've absolutely had enough of her.

EatShitDerek Mon 26-Jan-15 19:33:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyLuck10 Mon 26-Jan-15 19:34:26

Given your update I would definitely call the police. She was warned previously, so if that didn't get through to her it's worrying as she might be dangerous. Let police deal with her.

WorraLiberty Mon 26-Jan-15 19:34:35

In that case call the Police OP.

She is now affecting the lives of both your DSS, you and the rest of your family.

It has to stop.

TwatFaceBitch Mon 26-Jan-15 19:35:32

Ring them now. She has had
her warning and knows the consequence

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