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AIBU?

to go to hr over the sexual relations at work

16 replies

iworkhard · 26/01/2015 12:31

I work in a consultancy in London. Very cut throat. The people that get promoted seem to be the ones sleeping with their line manager or becoming best mates outside work.

It's very much up or out and last year I got a warning that I need to be above my peer group to keep my job.

I know I will get flamed for saying mind my own business but it is my business if I'm getting screwed jobwise.

One girl I work with is useless, I have to help her so many times to get simple tasks done. I want to turn round and tell her to Google half the time she asks questions.

Anyway so just found out that she's on 78k despite being rubbish and only been there three years. I'm on 40% less, been here 7 years. She has been shagging two people.

Aibu?

OP posts:

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3littlefrogs · 26/01/2015 12:36

It is irritating but I don't see what you can do apart from look for another job, and stop helping her, but do it nicely - when she asks for help say you don't know the answer and smile sympathetically.

It does happen. We had a manager who was thick and useless, but promoted because she was having an affair with someone influential.

She was a pain in the backside and always passing off other people's hard work as her own. Then she applied for, and got, a senior post elsewhere.
They rumbled her (and fired her) within about 6 weeks.

laylaloulou · 26/01/2015 12:36

I think the same thing happens in lots of places tbh. There's not much you can really do about it as you can't really prove that she's shagging the boss!

I had an office job years ago and one woman, who was absolutely shit at her job, was shagging the boss. She then got made into a supervisor, then a manager. All she literally did was sit in his office talking to him, and walk around the main office sticking her tits out.

AMumInScotland · 26/01/2015 12:41

Can you get them to define what they mean by 'above your peer group'? If they are going to get rid of staff based on an assessment, then the assessment process ought to be fair and transparent.

If the place is big enough to have HR then it's big enough to have proper accountability for other things too.

And stop helping the useless one - if she's been there 3 years she isn't 'new' and in need of help. Tell her it's not your job to sort out her problems.

iworkhard · 26/01/2015 12:42

Problem is that this girl is my superior, so if I don't help her it will make my review even worse, although she won't write it she will have input.

It happens so much where I work as often your out of town with work people, and all most people seem to do is shag and drink after work. I'm not into either of them. Its annoying because I like my job and am good at it, but they really undervalue me

OP posts:

antimatter · 26/01/2015 12:44

If you have to help - document everything. How you helped her, how much time it took etc.

iworkhard · 26/01/2015 12:45

Can you get them to define what they mean by 'above your peer group'? If they are going to get rid of staff based on an assessment, then the assessment process ought to be fair and transparent.

Its a huge company, they have a very clear process but that falls totally down as all that really matters is what the managers think of you. They keep a paper trail to cover their backs, but its pretty meaningless in reality.

OP posts:

Innocuoususername · 26/01/2015 12:51

Honestly I would be looking for another job. It sounds as though there is an unhealthy culture where you are at the moment and this won't be resolved by complaining to HR. In most companies HR are mainly concerned with ensuring that employment law and company policies are complied with. If you think that's the case then by all means complain, but otherwise you are not going to get very far and may make your situation worse.

Innocuoususername · 26/01/2015 12:52

That's not the case

InfinitySeven · 26/01/2015 12:55

You won't be able to do anything about this.

I think I know where you are referring to, and they are well-known in the industry for this. It's certainly not something that will change overnight.

You could complain, but I don't see how it would benefit you. It's unlikely that your complaint will start a stampede of other people complaining, because they would be worried about their jobs. Your job would become pretty much untenable, because you'll be complaining about something which cannot easily be fixed. You'll probably find that you are managed out, because the culture obviously doesn't suit you.

I think I'd put my effort into job hunting. If you've worked at a big consultancy for 7 years, you are well passed the point where you should have moved to get a better salary, and it sounds like you'll be much better paid (and probably much happier) elsewhere.

Tobyjugg · 26/01/2015 12:58

Cut your losses and get out. You may think that there's a lot of "fucking your way up the ladder" going on BUT you can't prove it. HR may well put you down as a trouble maker or think you are looking for a smokescreen because you won't exceed your peer group (such a damn stupid remark would have had me looking for a new position the day it was said to me BTW).

It may be high powered and competitive but it also sounds seriously dysfunctional. I'd forget about it all and concentrate my efforts on getting a new job if I were you.

krolletRodtHar · 26/01/2015 13:00

I had similar in my old job in london! Not sleeping to a promotion but the right accent regardless of competency used to be a fast track!

I was paid half what a woman who was no hetter than i was. She was all pearls and yah and Daddy this and mummy that.

Ludicrous. I had three languages. I left in the end.

shovetheholly · 26/01/2015 13:00

Don't focus on other people being unduly promoted. Focus on your lack of promotion.

See your boss about it. Make it clear, in a polite and sunny (but ambitious) way that you want to get on in your career, and you feel like you're stuck in a rut. Ask her what you need to do. Listen to what she says, and try to show that you're taking action to rectify anything that she's pointed out, in a graceful and mature way. You could even ask her in a flattering way to mentor you through promotion.

Once you've moved up a rung, leave for greener pastures (and a bigger pay packet)!

Innocuoususername · 26/01/2015 13:00

Also I know saying "get a new job" is easier said than done, but far better to do it now, on your terms, rather than a years time after this "peer assessment" rubbish (an awful management tool BTW).

3littlefrogs · 26/01/2015 13:40

OP - you could be accused of spreading malicious rumours, slander, etc.
Unless you have absolutely cast iron proof, there is really nothing you can do.

krolletRodtHar · 26/01/2015 14:47

Looking back, what I should have said to the boss was "can you clarify what it is about V*&^%$ that results in her earning so much more than I do?"

I would have loved to have seen him flounder for a way to see, well you see old girl, she's one of us. And you are a foreigner.

sparechange · 26/01/2015 14:48

What do you want HR to do?
If it is cut throat and people get 'let go' for vague reasons, complaining to HR about the sex life of consenting adults is going to do nothing other than get you a one way ticket to getting fired in the next round.
If you know about her relationships, then senior management do as well.

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