To have a massive glass of wine to recover from today at the ILs?

[GermanHouseCat]

Every year we spend Boxing Day at the ILs, but this year they decided to go and visit BIL and SIL, who I really cannot stand. We weren't invited thank god so planned to see MIL and FIL today. I was already a bit that our longstanding plans were changed without us being told until a couple of weeks ago, but ultimately PILs can do as they please so no arguments.

We arrive, FIL isn't there. Playing golf. No suggestion that he is sad to be missing his son over Christmas. I jokingly remarked that we were like the second class son and DIL (because we hadn't been able to see them over Christmas and now FIL isn't there) and MIL slapped me really hard on my calf, saying don't be silly etc. It hurt!

Lunch was awful. DH's uncle and aunt in law were there, the aunt is always an ally for me, has a good sense of humour (lacking elsewhere) but there was no Christmas atmosphere and I could tell DH felt upset that all of the energy and Christmas spirit (crap phrasing I know) had gone on his brother and his family. DH is quite sensitive and quiet, not the type to speak up.

Luckily we managed not to stay late, and are home. AIBU to pour the biggest glass of wine I can, eat chocolates and think of a get out plan for next year?

[Thumbnutstwitchingonanopenfire]

No, YANBU - that is shit for your DH and you. How very fucking rude of your FIL to not show up!! And as for your MIL slapping you, well that's just wrong.

Do your ILs have form for favouring your DH's brother over him?

[perplexedpirate]

My day my MIL (or anyone) raises her hand to me will be the last day she ever sees me.
Seriously, she slapped you!
I'd be gone. Have several

[lk26]

If my mil or anyone else slapped me they would have been wearing the dinner and never visited again.
Favourites in all families we have it with my own and in laws. I visit. I am mostly polite and mostly suck it up but I would not tolerate any of that crap you had today.

[GermanHouseCat]

I'd actually always thought DH was his Mum's favourite, but I don't think so now. BIL cheated on his exW and left her for the current SIL and I've always found that a bit tricky because his ex was lovely. Obviously you can never really know what goes on in a marriage but current SIL is really not very nice. They never say thank you for anything (eg they asked for money as a wedding present but never thanked anyone) and are very unwelcoming/grabby. SIL's family are awful but PILs are spending loads if time with them so maybe it's rubbing off!

Poor DH, I can tell he's upset.

[perplexedpirate]

Btw, you have your get out plan right there: 'you slapped me last time I saw you, so we're not coming'.

[GermanHouseCat]

Does anyone think I should directly tell the ILs that I'm cross and upset?

[mommy2ash]

surely if they usually spend it with you then it's the bil that was feeling left out. ok it sucks that fil wasn't there but im not sure how they could create Christmas spirit for you

[Marylou2]

Only one massive glass? I fully intend to finish a bottle of prosecco after a day with my ILs. Can't believe she slapped you? What is it with these people?

[GermanHouseCat]

Usually Boxing Day it's an "open door" policy at someone's house - ours, PIL's, DH's Grandad etc. We always go (or host) and BIL and SIL usually join too. This year, BIL and SIL decided to host Boxing Day but only invited MIL, FIL and the Grandad, not us .

[GermanHouseCat]

Marylou I am on my third glass of M&S bucks fizz, it's going down very nicely!

[Gawjushun]

Ditch the glass, neck from the bottle. I've got in-law obligation day tomorrow, so will be joining you in 24 hours.

And yeah, slapping you, even playfully is pretty fucked up.

[HamPortCourt]

I cannot imagine why you stayed after she slapped you?!

[wondermoose13]

My IL's are a disaster too so i feel your pain! Get started on a bottle! If i wasnt bf i would be! My dh and ds (10weeks old!) Were ignored all xmas day after we'd travelled 2 hrs to see them (&meaning we couldnt see my parents!)
Oh and because ds cries a lot, my chair and place setting were removed from the table (to give bil and hell child mre room!) and i ate xmas lunch on the living room floor whilst jiggling ds in a bouncy chair!
How my dh turned out so lovely when his brother gets all the attention ill never know??x

[Marylou2]

Glad to hear it GermanHouseCat! Just enjoy the rest of the weekend.

[BreakfastAtStephanies]

Bottoms Up !
I'm fairly sure that any unwanted physical contact could be classed as assault. Slap is unforgivable. U should have called her on it at the time, especially as your comments were spot on, she is showing blatant favouritism

[GermanHouseCat]

I did call her out on it, I shouted "don't slap me" but because the slap was done in jest it fell on deaf ears. MIL is a very cold, awkward woman at the best of times and often uses slapstick violence as a jokey mechanism. Today was a hard slap though and it hurt.

[GermanHouseCat]

Wondermoose that's horrible for you

[GotToBeInItToWinIt]

I think you making a 'joking' comment about being second class was a bit passive aggressive and out of order, but how dare she slap you?! I wouldn't go back for that reason alone.
Our IL's live abroad but decided not to come over this year, they have spent the whole of Christmas with DH's sister and her boyfriend and keep FaceTiming to tell us what a fabulous time they're having together which I know has upset DH a little but there's nothing we can do about it.