to feel pissed off with my brother?

[Ludoole]

So my df who has alzheimers was rushed to hospital sunday night with chest infection and uti.
I went with him and stayed til after 11pm.
Today i took mum to visit at lunchtime and was hoping db would go this evening.... but no, he doesnt "do" hospitals...
So eldest ds and i went this evening (and then went xmas food shopping til after 10)

I dont "do" hospitals either but i hate the thought of anyone being without visitors.
I seem to live at hospital in the last few months as dp is terminally ill.
Im pissed that yet again its all falling to me just because db doesnt "do" hospitals....

I know im not bu but i feel better for venting

[HSMMaCM]

Lidoole- don't forget to look after yourself, as well as everyone else. It's not the end of the workd if you miss a visit if you need to.

[Ludoole]

Im fine thanks.
Wont have dad for much longer but he needs reassurance when he doesnt understand why he is in hospital. Just wish db would step up a bit.

[ProcrastinaRemNunc]

Doesn't seem like you need advice, so I'm going to have a co-rant! Yes, your DB is BU. Very, very U! To use a dislike of hospitals is such a cop-out. I mean, who likes hospitals?!
I hope your DF feels better soon. Pace yourself where you can!

[PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange]

From an infection control point of view, the less visitors the better.

give your brother a break, a chest infection with a UTI are not life threatening.

Does your brother visit him when not in hospital.

[MsAspreyDiamonds]

Maybe it is time to remind your brother that when he ends up in hospital, some people won't visit him because they don't do hospitals either.

He needs to be told that as he is part of a family, he needs to consider others for a change & not just himself. Selfish twat.

[wowfudge]

I have a different view - don't be too hard on your DB; maybe he just finds the situation with his dad very difficult to deal with and can't face seeing him in hospital. This is going to sound like a sweeping generalisation, but I have found that a lot of women are much better at dealing with these kinds of things. Seeing his DF in hospital may be something he is not ready to deal with. In some ways, if he hasn't seen him there in the state he's in, it hasn't happened.

I am sorry you are having such a hard time OP

[yellowdinosauragain]

give your brother a break, a chest infection with a UTI are not life threatening

Wrong. They very definitely can be, especially in the frail and elderly.

[CrohnicChristmas]

Perhaps saying he doesn't do hospitals is just a rather flippant way of saying that actually, he really has problems visiting someone in hospital. I have depression and anxiety, and if I need to visit someone or have an appointment for myself it generally takes DH to hand hold, music to block extra noise out and diazepam to take the edge off the physical symptoms. But rather than explain all that, I'd probably just say 'I don't do hospitals' if it came up.

[GokTwo]

Piper, that is not correct. My MIL almost died last year from a UTI that got out of control which can happen very easily in the elderly. My DW is an only child so it is always up to us to care for her mum and help her out but amongst my friends with elderly parents this problem is very common. I have a friend whose brother behaves exactly like this. Sorry, but I don't accept that it's ok for him to say "I don't do hospitals" because it's too hard for him. It's hard for everyone. You all just have to pull together.

Having said that iyou cannot force him to go. Yanbu to feel annoyed with him though and I hope he does change his mind and step up. Best wishes to your df for a speedy recovery.

[ihatethecold]

Your brother needs to step up.
How selfish of him.
Talk about make the situation about him.
Why should it all fall on your shoulders.