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AIBU?

To think that DH should go along with what I want?

20 replies

BrightestAndBest · 22/12/2014 21:52

Mostly we do Christmas like DH had it as a child (no church, stockings downstairs, presents in a single block before lunch, etc). The only thing that comes from my childhood is that Santa delivers the presents (they are labelled according to who sent them, not as being from Santa).

Yet again I have had to remind DH of this (he's been putting the presents straight under the tree as he wraps them). He has to be reminded every year. AIBU to be really pissed off with him?

OP posts:

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Gabriola · 22/12/2014 21:56

Maybe you should wrap the presents.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 22/12/2014 21:58

YABU. Chill out and crack open the Christmas booze

BrightestAndBest · 22/12/2014 21:59

I have been wrapping this evening. DH is already on holiday, so he's been wrapping while I've been at work. I'd happily wrap the lot - I love wrapping.

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BrightestAndBest · 22/12/2014 22:00

Can't have - I have to work tomorrow.

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Goldmandra · 22/12/2014 22:02

He clearly isn't forgetting. Why doesn't he want your DCs to have their gifts from Father Christmas?

Hatespiders · 22/12/2014 22:03

Well he surely can't stop you from going to church. I'm going to Communion at 9-15am Christmas morning. Dh will stay in bed on pain of death if he opens any presents before I get back!

BrightestAndBest · 22/12/2014 22:09

He thinks his (privileged, wealthy) childhood was some how better than mine. His mum is from a very different culture, and doesn't do Christmas.

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BrightestAndBest · 22/12/2014 22:10

I take the DC to church on Christmas Eve, but I do miss going on Christmas Day.

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Goldmandra · 22/12/2014 22:12

Buy him a dictionary for christmas and highlight the definition of compromise

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 22/12/2014 22:14

He obviously doesn't value your tradition, so he isn't thinking about it and doing it on autopilot. It's one of those traditions I'd find odd myself, so I understand how you'd forget unless you recognised it was important to your partner and made an effort to remember. YANBU to be pissed off.

Is there a reason that so little comes from your family?

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 22/12/2014 22:15

His traditions aren't better. In fact, the 'posh' thing to do is definitely church.

Fairenuff · 22/12/2014 22:15

Do you mean that Santa brings them but they are labelled from Mum and Dad?

TheHappinessTrap · 22/12/2014 22:15

Yes, compromise. Whose Christmas is it? Can everyone enjoy it or does one person's enjoyment mean no one else really enjoys themselves? What's that saying, "compromise means no one gets what they want"? If this is the case then it's not going so well. A good compromise should leave everyone feeling sated.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 22/12/2014 22:17

You are not his mum and you as a family have chosen to 'do' Christmas. Take your kids to church when you want to. I love midnight services though !

Thumbnutstwitchingonanopenfire · 22/12/2014 22:17

YANBU, tbh. Compromise means accepting each others' traditions and incorporating them together, not over-riding one partner's completely.

Perhaps you should change EVERYTHING over to your way one year and see how he feels about that...

Starlightbright1 · 22/12/2014 22:21

I am a single mum so just do it my way...Some things I just did because that is the way I did them as a child and haven't given it much thought. Maybe you should chat about how you would both like christmas day?

BrightestAndBest · 22/12/2014 22:26

I manage to override some of the other stuff. (e.g. DD and DS didn't get packed off to bording school aged 7).

It's weird - we've been NC with his parents for years, yet somehow Christmas always has to be done his (= 'their') way.

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loveareadingthanks · 23/12/2014 10:40

Part of forming your own new little family is making your own family Christmas traditions. It's unusual for it to be exactly the same as either of your parents'.

What is the 'best' Christmas is what you, as adults and parents, decide it is. Not what his parents decided, not what your parents decided. There's got to be some give and take, although it's easy to fall into the same patterns you did as a child without thinking about it. DP is half horrified/half delighted that we are spending Christmas Day at home on our own just the two of us as he's NEVER done that in his life (he's in his 50s) and it's not really crossed his mind before that it is 'allowed', instead of dragging here there and everywhere to visit family, or hosting people.

If he isn't religious I can understand your husband not wanting to go to church. That doesn't stop you going, and taking your children if you wish. You do need to agree what your family Santa tradition is and both stick to it for consistency. You need to have a chat with him about not mindlessly following another families patterns (his parents) and instead working out and keeping to your own family's pattern. Could the children have their stockings early, then go to church with you, then have their presents before lunch? That way you are both happy, surely, as each of you are bringing in some of your own traditions for the morning and creating a new Christmas routine for your own children.

Starlightbright1 · 23/12/2014 11:48

The words you use describe your relationship as a battle over getting your own way for both of you.

THis is not co parenting

LL12 · 23/12/2014 12:56

I want to shove a book about compromise up my husbands backside right now, then he might actually notice it.
Most years we have to go to his parents, sometimes mine but 9/10 it's to his. This year I'd had enough and said I wanted us to stay in our own home for Christmas and boxing day for once, he begrudgingly agreed.
I compromised and said he could invite his parents over for Christmas day if he wanted if they would otherwise be on their own, they declined.
His parents expect us to drop everything for them each year to have the 'perfect day', they don't speak to me unless I start the conversation, to be honest it's horrible, fake and staged, my fil will always be very rude about where my family is from, my dd2 will be treated as 2nd class compared to the other grandchildren, the list goes on.
We have organised to go out on boxing day walking and bowling but now my husband has said he will be taking the children to his parents for a few hours instead leaving me on my own at home. I've just had enough, he just won't compromise at all, every year there are arguments to do with his parents.

Yes I know they are his parents but just once I would like to feel like I am not the bottom of the pile.

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