DH mucking up holiday yet again.

[FlorenceMattell]

Booked a holiday for next week from Monday.
Booking was made in November 2013.
So am I being unreasonable at being furious with DH who hasn't actually got Monday off work! His excuse he had verbal confirmation but the manager has now left.
Holiday is in UK so he will have to come a day later plus relatives he was picking up will also be delayed.
Every holiday we have ever been on has been mucked up by him.

[MrsItsNoworNotatAll]

Yanbu. I'd be more pissed off for the relatives he's picking up. Him I'd think well you fucked up so it's you that's missing a day of the holiday. Too bad!

[wintersdawn]

YANBU, I'd be fuming.

[Tinks42]

YANBU, what on earth is the matter with the man?

[BikeRunSki]

YANBU at all.

[FlorenceMattell]

Yes I am upset for the relative too, I can't pick them up as have a full car, children etc.

[cardamomginger]

YANBU. Sounds like a wider issue of him getting his priorities straight. How has he mucked up past holidays? Same story, or something different?

[APlaceInTheWinter]

He is, without doubt, an arse.

However, if he 'mucks' up every holiday and this annoys you, you have to limit the opportunity for him to muck it up. Not because he's not capable but because he's shown you time and again who he is, and you're still with him and you're still getting upset over it.

My exdp was like this. The only way it worked was when I ensured all my holidays could function perfectly well without his input. If he decided to come along then fine. If he had to work then that was fine too because I'd go on my own with the DCs. There was no relying on him for lifts, driving duties, etc.

Have a glass of wine toast his complete and utter predictability and promise yourself that you won't put yourself in this situation ever again. . .oh, and enjoy your holiday.

[FlorenceMattell]

Thank you for your replies have made me feel a bit better.
I have actually given up booking summer holidays because every time there is a drama of some sort. Mostly he just doesn't book time off, says he can't get it off etc. But a holiday in France he just walked off when we stopped in a town, I drove round and round and found him. No phone contact. Holiday in Spain as soon as we arrived he went to bed for the week.
I only booked this because it's a Christmas and a big family event.

[Tinks42]

It get worse..... Do you actually enjoy each others company?

[FlorenceMattell]

Yes he is a nice man, kind hearted etc just holidays .

[Tinks42]

Sounds like you have yourself a right passive aggressive twat.

[APlaceInTheWinter]

Florence I totally sympathise. Exdp pulled all of those stunts ie stomping off; spending most of the time in his room. He also locked me out of the hotel room (twice!); turned off his phone on the day we were setting off on holiday and didn't turn up until 6 hours later than we were supposed to leave (meaning I had 6 hours with crying DC not knowing if they were going on holiday or not).

Of course, the best solution is not to be married to an arse but as long as you are (and I was) then try not to let him curb your holidays. Book a summer holiday without him. Make sure it's manageable on your own with DCs and if it isn't then rope in a sibling or friend to go with you. It will be much more relaxing and fun. Don't give up your holidays for him. You need a break!

Oh, also, don't make excuses for him. When your family ask why he's not there then just tell them that one year wasn't long enough for him to arrange it with his work. I found looks from other people did curb exdp's behaviour.

[TooExtraImmatureCheddar]

Why did he just walk off? After a fight, do you mean, or did he just quietly vanish?

[FlorenceMattell]

He walked off after some minor minor disagreement, can't even remember what it was about. On holidays his whole personality changes and he becomes irritated at slightest thing.
I'm annoyed with myself for falling into the trap as we have been to this holiday destination before and didn't think he would act this way.

[Bogeyface]

does he just not want to go on holiday?

I have to admit that I dont like holidays. I do them for the kids but I get very nervy at being away from home for an extended period, depending on where I am even one night can be too much.

Instead of getting mad why dont you ask him why he acts like this, and suggesting that in future you plan and book all holidays without him so he doesnt have to come if he doesnt want to.

If he insists that he does want to come but mucks it up again then take it out of his hands and refuse to go with him. But try and sort it out first, he really does sound like he is out of his comfort zone on holidays and you need to find out why and what (if anything) can be done to make it better for everyone.

[specialsubject]

aha, drip feed.

not just a one-off incompetence incident, but a man who sulks like a toddler, treats you like dirt and doesn't want to be with you or his family.

and the reason you put up with this is...???

[AcrossthePond55]

I'd book holidays without him. If he wants to come, let him sort out his own accommodation & travel.

[MomOfTwoGirls2]

Do holidays with the kids on your own. My DH doesn't like sun holiday, so myself and 2 DDs head off on our own. Several times since they were 2 & 4. Its great!

[TimeWarp]

I'd say there is one of two possibilities here, either he doesn't like spending a lot of time with his family or he really hates being away from home. Either way he's not addressing it very well and that's making him irritable.

He probably can't help himself if he doesn't like being on holiday, and I have some sympathy for that. When the DC were smaller I used to find holidays incredibly stressful. It was all the same chores as at home only without the resources of home and with higher expections of having fun all the time. Christmas is also a difficult time to go away, it's cold so everyone is stuck inside together with their irritating little ways and their boredom.

I agree with those who say you should book the holiday that you want and leave it up to him to choose to come or not. Perhaps if he doesn't go with you he could use some of his holiday leave to stay home with the DC while you go for a break by yourself.

[AliceinWinterWonderland]

It's all just excuses though, isn't it? Lots of people get stressed over holidays - because realistically when you have kids, holidays are actually a fair bit of work! But most just get on with it and carry on acting like adults, rather than pouting and acting like a petulant 12yo. Therein lies the difference.

[FlorenceMattell]

Thank you for your answers, we are going to Centre Parcs so plenty to do and he has been there before and enjoys it. It's not just about letting me down, it's children and other relatives.
Yes in future I will book holidays just me and the kids.

[AnonyMust]

Would be fuming

[rookietherednosedreindeer]

YANBU - I'd be absolutely fuming.
However CP at this time of year can't be cheap and I'm sure it will be gorgeous then - I'd love to go at Christmas time. There's nothing that can be done now about it so concentrate on enjoying your time there.

Oh and as you say book your holidays without your DH or assume he is going to take to his bed for the full thing. What an eejit, I love holidays and thankfully so does DH.

[Summerisle1]

I'm sorry about the inconvenience for the other relatives but I suppose the upside is that you get one night without his holiday weirdness.