Just that really . Bit of context , myself and DH ( both early forties) ,our DD (5) and DS(1) have lived in suburban south London for 5 years and during that time we have not made any local friends , ie the type of friends you could arrange an impromptu weekend lunch with , or call up to come and help build a flat pack . Rubbish examples but I hope you get the general idea ?
DH was born and brought up 10 minutes away but his mates seem to all have moved away or emigrated . He is not the type to go for a pint with his mates (teetotal!) and goes out very rarely ( say 4-5 times per year ) with football and work mates.
I have a small group of girlfriends I have known for about 20 yrs from school days who are all in London , we meet up every couple of months I'd say .
Since my DD started school last year I have got to know and like some of the other mums but we only get together with the kids , no 'mums' nights out' that I was hoping for ! I am quite shy with low self esteem and have gone through life this far feeling that I don't have much to offer and have been quite reserved socially as a result. I am currently having counselling which is defo helping with the self esteem.
So basically , I feel like we are not part of the community , that everyone else has established networks of local friends and that it is a bit late to try and build one now ? Just feeling a bit sad as we have no Xmas invites or anything and I feel we need to set a better example for the kids .
Sorry for the ramble, any thoughts or advice very welcome .
AIBU?
(Long,sorry!) To be bothered that we have no 'local' friends ?
incensed · 22/11/2014 21:09
"Why do 'shy' people always expect us loud mouths to do all the running."
Finger I think the answer is in your question 
As the others said, try making the move. That said don't expect too much. Children are a great ice breaker but unless you have other aspects in common, children will be the only common denominator.
We moved here 11 years ago and we still don't have any friends.
DC were teenagers when we moved and although for the first couple of years I met and got to know some parents, as they got older we were dropped and after trying in vain to keep things going I gave up and excepted they had run their course.
I have tried to foster friendships through work but inevitably also get dropped after a while once the person leaves.
DH and I were discussing it the other evening in fact. I have come to the conclusion that we just aren't good at friendships. 
I'd second the idea of pre-christmas family drinks - we did it when we moved to the area & it definitely helped break the ice & because kids were there it felt for relaxed & less need to make idle chit chat.
We did it a 'anytime between 4 & 6pm' so no one felt obliged to linger for hours & could escape without feeling bad if LO's started acting up. We put out a couple of nibbles (nothing too fancy in case none turned up 
), some mulled wine & a bottle of fizz and put a christmas film on for the kids. We invited a few local families: some were busy, 1 cancelled last minute & 1 didn't show up despite saying they would 
but 4 other families came & we still get-together quite regularly either en mass with kids (go for walks then drinks, pub lunch etc) or for evening meals without DC.
The worse that can happen is no one turns up, you get pissed on the booze & fall asleep in front of the film (& obviously tell anyone who asks what a lovely little get-together you had 
) but I do agree if you want local friends you need to put in the effort.
Macmillan coffee mornings are another good (& worthwhile) excuse to invite people round
nowt useful to add but I feel your pain
we moved three years ago and know a handful of people, but couldn't muster up a group of say, 4/5 to go down the pub with
we're a bit shy too also fucking lazy
it's quite (scrub that, REALLY) hard to make the jump from having friendly chats in the street to being in and out of each others' houses, babysitting, going out for coffee etc
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You do have to take the initiative, and be thick-skinned. Everyone won't like you but you won't like everyone either
If you do feel a connection with someone it's highly likely that they feel the same.
Even the ones you don't hit it off with will be OK to have as passing aquaintances.
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