AIBU to think that management shouldn't dictate when a woman can share her pregnancy?

[Istanbul0202]

Specifically, at a primary school.

I was talking to a teaching assistant who is 6 months pregnant, when I realised that the kids didn't know. It turns out, she 'isn't allowed' to tell the children until January. She'll be going off on maternity soon after that.

I plan on trying to get pregnant with DC2 in the next few months, and I really don't want management dictating to me when I'm allowed to tell the children.

When I had DD1 I worked at a different school, but I told the children when I was about 18 weeks (my bump was massive and most of the parents had already realised). They were really interested and drew me lots of lovely pictures. I even let them listen to DD's heartbeat with a doppler (we were doing a topic about bodies and hearts etc).

I really enjoyed sharing the experience with them and think it's really sad that the TA is being forced to keep it a secret, and that I, if things go to plan, will have to too.

The reason given was that parents would object.

So AIBU to think that it should be a personal choice about when you share, rather than enforced by management?

[ApocalypseThen]

What would parents object to?

[Littlefish]

At my school, a pregnancy is announced as soon as the pregnant person says it can be. Obviously, it needs to be in time for a replacement to be found though!

I agree with you that it is not up to the management of the school to dictate when the news is shared.

[cherrybombxo]

How old are the kids? If a pregnancy was announced early and then (god forbid) something happened, would it be very confusing for them? Would they understand what had happened?

I don't think management should dictate anything but it's a tricky one.

[CrimboHornedSnowflake]

I knew this would be about education from the title!

I have heard of this happening in other schools, similarly about teachers who were leaving were forbidden to say anything to their pupils.

[monkeymamma]

I'm not a teacher but with both pregnancies have been asked to wait to share news with both immediate colleagues and specifically third parties. The reason being that management wanted to resolve who would take on my duties in my absence so a plan could be presented rather than news alone. I don't see the problem, your job is your professional life not your personal life and you do need to put the needs of the business or organisation ahead of your pleasure in sharing happy news. In terms of working with children, I think I'd want my own child to know Mrs x's news at the point where it is relevant to them in an immediate way, rather than them feeling unsettled for several months. But maybe that's just me!

[monkeymamma]

Or miss x, or Ms! Just realised I sounded like I was visiting from the 1950s :-)

[ResIpsaLoquitur]

It seems daft. Surely at least some of the children are going to work it out for themselves?

[Istanbul0202]

The children involved are year 3, as were my class.

I had the entire year group writing lists of names for me (their own name and variations featured highly...).

It was really sweet.

[museumum]

Ime experience it's cause parents get all "who is going to teach my little Johnny??" And so SMT like to have time to recruit/plan before all the demanding questions start.
I understand this.
I think it depends on timing too. If you are due in the summer or following academic year then it's not an issue as your parents won't expect their child to be with you by then anyway.

[clam]

"Ime experience it's cause parents get all "who is going to teach my little Johnny??""

So, all management needs to say is "we will be appointing a replacement/temporary teacher to cover the class and will let you know in due course." Any parent who can't deal with that needs to stop being so pfb.

[littleleftie]

I would have thought many year 3 pupils will have seen mummy or other female rellies pregnant and will guess or ask you?

I don't think you should have to lie to them. I agree you shouldn't tell them too early but this does seem rather heavy handed. I live in a village and some of the teachers live in the village too, so the pupils are their neighbours and would know from general village gossip.

It's all a bit precious and silly tbh.

Good luck with getting knocked up

[MiddleEarthBarbie]

I had the entire year group writing lists of names for me (their own name and variations featured highly...).

Can you imagine the AIBU thread?! I too know parents who go berserk when their precious child's teacher or TA dares to get pregnant.

Are there any ASN in the class? Some children get very distressed and spinning it out too long upsets them.

[Istanbul0202]

MiddleEarth

They wrote them at home, not as school work!

I had one child draw a chilling picture of DP and me in bed with the baby in a cot. It was scarily close to reality, although she predicted a boy.

[Bumbiscuits]

What exactly will happen if you let slip the news or a pupil notices before management decree it is okay to tell them?