To wonder how you can forget your child's medical condition.

[Swooshtheninja]

bit of background, I'm youth group leader. We took a group of children camping this weekend.

We have a new child in the group. before coming on the trip, the parents/carers were asked to fill in a medical form detailing any medical conditions the child has and any medication the child needs to take.

New childs form stated "no medical conditions"

New child starts havining difficulties after playing an energetic game and informs leaders that they suffer from said medical conditon.

Leaders check the medical form which states "no medical condition" and phones parent. Parent seems angry at being called late at night and informs us "they didn't think it was important and that child wouldn't need their medication"

luckily the situation was resolved by our first aider the site first aid team and the child did not need further medical treatment.

AIBU to wonder WTF goes on In the heads of some parents and how much worse the situation could have been?

[Shahrazad]

That seems forgetful to the point of neglectful.
I would never forget DD's asthma for example, as carrying an inhaler is part of our everyday life.
However at a recent hospital appointment I blithely said it was her only issue, only to be reminded by the doctor that she has a very minor heart condition.
In my defence, it's an innocent heart murmur and has probably resolved (and we have close relatives with very serious heart conditions, compared to which, it's nothing.) Even so the doctor must think I'm absolutely terrible. Another mark in the Bad Mother column I fear.

Still wouldn't forget a chronic condition like asthma, epilepsy, migraine etc though, especially if there was prescribed medication.

[ElliotLovesGrub]

That doesn't sound like they forgot but more that they left it off purposefully so they could have kid free time. Not great behaviour :(

[weebarra]

Don't know about this one. DS2 had major heart surgery at ten days which has left a bit of a murmur. He is 4 now and had a cardio check up last week, where the consultant told us to "treat as normal".
I still note his condition on forms etc, but it is currently not an issue.

[TheFirstOfHerName]

Depends how serious the medical condition is.
I have in the past, forgotten to mention:
DS1's mild asthma
DS2's non-life-threatening allergy
DS3's motion sickness
Mostly because all three of them also suffer from more serious conditions that actually impact on their lives daily.

I should probably keep a list somewhere visible, to make sure I don't forget anything when I fill in forms.

[Middleagedmotheroftwo]

I once had a Brownie with mild cerebal palsy. Her parents never put it on the medical forms as they wanted the child treated the same as everyone else, no special treatment.

I was questioned by PGL once as to why we hadn't stated the condition on their medical forms. But I can't, if the parents don't.

[Thumbwitch]

Some parents think of some conditions as being "socially unacceptable", and that can include asthma. They don't want their child "labelled" or thought to be somehow lesser (can you tell I know someone like this?) and so wouldn't mention it, nor provide inhalers because, you know, their child hasn't really got it.

On another note, some people fail completely to understand what a "medical condition" is. I had a client when I was training in reflexology, and took a detailed medical history from her, as she was going to be a case study. She had a very clearly swollen right leg (very swollen) and although it was mentioned and noted, she didn't really dwell on it. She was quite deaf so I had to talk loudly but she managed to answer everything else ok.
So when I started the reflexology (and I really don't care if no one believes me, this actually happened) there was a big "dead" region where her right kidney reflex was - so I said "Um, has anything happened to your right kidney?" And she said (bear in mind this was a while after we'd completed the medical history taking) "Oh yes, I had it removed 10 years ago".

Now THAT's pretty major in terms of forgetting something!

Another lady completely forgot she'd had double pneumonia that had given her lung scarring, and that she used to smoke prior to that; and I've seen on an Internet meme somewhere about a lady with diabetes who failed to mention it as a medical condition but listed insulin as one of her medications and when asked what she took it for, said "oh I take it for my diabetes" - having said she had no medical conditions.

But in your case it sounds more like the first scenario in my incredibly long post.

[steff13]

I have an underactive thyroid gland, which is a medical condition that requires medication, but it's not something I would note on that type of form, so I see how that could happen. But, this sounds like a different issue if the child required medical intervention.

Without knowing the condition, I can't say for sure whether it was unreasonable. Something like asthma or diabetes, the parents were definitely unreasonable.

[PotsAndCambert]

Forgetting your medical condition is quite common when people go to see a GP etc. it's so much part of their life that they don't even think about it. Just as a lady who had a kidney removed wouldn't think about it anymore as it doesn't bother her anymore.

However I think it's completely different when you talk about your child and you are filling paperwork. Because
1- it might be that this time this mild condition will become serious and the people who look after the child HAVE to know about it
2- if anything happens during the trip and the child is send to hospital, again it is important for them to know about the allergy/asthma etc.

What I am is the fact the parents were angry that the OP rung. Maybe they did feel uncomfortable not to have told the OP/provided medication as they should have??!

[PotsAndCambert]

steff I imagine you are taking medication everyday for your condition?
You might not feel as an adult it's necessary to tell people about that condition. But if you were a child, surely, someone would have need to know about it to ensure you kept taking it whilst you were away?
This is the issue with the 'loco parentis'. If you want someone to be responsible for your child, and take the right decision, then they have to know about that sort of things.

[sanfairyanne]

was the medical condition relevant to the incident? if it was, then it is pretty crap behaviour by the parents.

i dont always put down ds' condition. it wouldnt be relevant to any first aid situation and just causes hassle

[AlmaMartyr]

Embarrassingly I never really think about putting down DD's heart murmur It's innocent and she has no symptoms at all. I think it's on the school records and in my defense, I'm not sure I've actually filled out any other forms since but still.

I've got asthma and wouldn't necessarily put mine down because I don't really have attacks as such, so have never needed to use my blue inhaler in an emergency. Although I'd put it down if one of the DCs had it.

[BalloonSlayer]

My DS has lots of food allergies which I have told the school about. I don't think I have mentioned that he is allergic to cats and dogs because there are no cats or dogs at school. I guess that if someone brought a cat in and DS didn't have the brains to stay away from it he might start streaming.

In all honesty I have seen some lists of allergies in my time that make the poor kid look like Walter the Softy (feathers, anyone?) so I stick to the important/relevant ones.

[steff13]

Pots, yes I take daily medication, and yes, if my child had it I would inform whoever is in charge of him or her of the condition. Unless it was just an overnight, where the medication could be given at home before the child left, and then again upon return. A thyroid problem causes a surprising number of issues, but nothing really life threatening, so I can see not informing unless the medication was going to be required.

The parent in this case told the OP that he/she didn't think the child would require the medication, so it's apparently not a condition that requires daily medication. As I said, it really depends on the condition whether it was reasonable for the parent not to mention it. Though, I'm leaning towards unreasonable, just because the only things I can think of that might not require daily medication - asthma, allergies, etc. - could be dangerous for the child if the adult in charge didn't know about them.

[ThatBloodyWoman]

I've forgotten before and I'm neither neglectful, nor hiding something -sometimes things become part of normal life to the point that you barely notice them.

[ThatBloodyWoman]

I would never deliberately hide any of my dc's medical conditions -I can and do hide mine though if I think it might affect me doing something....

[BackforGood]

Sadly, this is incredibly common.
I think it's a combination - sometimes parents think you won't take them if they declare a condition, and sometimes, as people have said, you do almost forget, if it's not something that's been bothering them for a while - or parents assume that they have outgrown it if it's not been triggered for a while.

[MaudantWit]

A friend of mine - also a youth group leader - had a very similar experience.

A child "with no health needs" became very unwell at a meeting with symptoms of a common but serious condition. The first aider dealt with it, whereupon the child's schoolfriends said this happened quite often at school, too. The leaders spoke to the parents when they came to collect the child and the parents said that the child did indeed have that medical condition, but they had not mentioned it because they were worried (needlessly, as we aim to be an inclusive organisation) that the child would not be allowed to join the youth group if it had been declared. Could something similar lie behind what happened in your group, OP?

[Shallishanti]

hmmm...

had to take ds2 to hospital with possible broken arm
radiologist: has he ever had an x ray before?
neglectful mother: er...no
radiologist: that's funny, we have a record of him having one
nm: ???? (racks brain....nothing)

days later I realised I was racking the wrong part of my brain (one labelled emergencies/hospital/investigations, when I should have been looking in health problems/routine investigations/hospital)

so, maybe it was just a classification problem

[wilddogbert]

I am a youth leader and I have had this twice.
In the training to become a youth leader they said that some parents won't tell you about medical conditions because they don't think it's important enough or they don't want to or they think that the child will be fine for a few hours,which I remember thinking was a load of rubbish as why would you deliberately not tell a person about your child's medical condition.

The first time luckily we were at a local event and parents were already on their way to collect the child.

Second time involved a late nigh hospital visit in a different county and it was bloody awful and really put me off taking them anywhere for awhile.

[DeWee]

Well with dd2 I have three potential things to put down.

1. Congenital amputation defect of left arm below elbow. I usually put that down, however it's generally pretty obvious, and doesn't require medication or anything else.
   
2. Migraines. This is a new thing, and yes, I have forgotten that. However it's rarely going to be an issue except for long trips as she gets aura so she has warning so wouldn't go if she knew one was coming.
   
3. Mild asthma. Actually I usually forget that unless it's currently effecting her. By mild asthma, it means that for 2-3 weeks a year she coughs badly when she first goes out in the cold and may become breathless (but not more than slight panting) if doing exercise in said cold. If it is currently effecting her then I'd say.
   

I often don't say she has asthma partually because they then want an inhaler, and I don't always have an in date one. When she needs it, she does need it, but most of the time she doesn't. So it's often simpler not to say than have them worrying that she needs it (she's never suddenly needed it, always it's been gradual)

[Iwantmyparcel]

God some of these are scary. A friend of mine - as an adult - went on a night out with me and didn't bring her inhaler as she'd never actually had an asthma attack so didnt think she'd need it. I think she just used it in the cold/during sport ?! (I know nothing about asthma)

Well she did have an attack and collapsed in the street with me panicking and thinking I would have to do CPR. Thankfully she was alright and wouldn't go to hospital ( she was a bit drunk and I don't think realised how serious it had been. She certainly didn't remember being unconscious) but did at least go and get her inhaler.

Scared the shit out of me. People really think it will never happen though that's the thing.

[yetanotherchangename]

My DS has an inhaler but he hasn't needed to use it for around 2 years. He doesn't have asthma by the way, he just gets bad croup. If he knows the inhaler is going on a school trip with him, he tells the teacher that his asthma is playing up and that he needs his puffer. He really doesn't. I'm not sure if I've put it down on his scouting form for the past year because he really doesn't need it and I don't carry a spare in date one on his prescription.

[BlueTwit]

BalloonSlayer yes, feathers, and I've seen my DBro hospitalised through unknowingly sleeping on a feather pillow as a child. He's been running marathons for the past 20 years, so hardly Walter the Softy.

[MelonOfTroy]

We had a new school friend to play ( aged about 8) I chatted in the playground to the Mum about his food preferences etc, all fine.

When she drops him off I confirm food likes/dislikes/problems and she goes off home. Later on, my son asks his friend where his bag is, friend replies that he's left it at home oops, I asked if it was something special they wanted to play with only to be told it was his adrenaline as he had a severe anaphylactic allergy!

We went to collect the bag!

[Melawen]

I can kind of understand because the condition becomes your new "normal" and therefore isn't such a big thing, if that makes sense.

It's not quite the same thing, but when my Mum went for an interview at a school for severely disabled children, she was asked if she knew anyone with a disability, she said "no.......ooh yes, I have a daughter who is profoundly deaf!" I might have been in my late twenties at the time, but she still forgot!!