To move DS to a different school?

[Spaceboundeminem]

DS is 8 and has suspected as and ADHD. When he was young things were great he had friends but then I have no idea why but the head of the 'clique' took a great dislike to me and my DS.

I was at a party watching him and he was doing nothing wrong he wasn't even playing anywhere near her son when she shouted "space bound I'm sorry I can't sit here watching your son bully mine any more" I apologised profusely and she started shouting at me in front of all the mothers.

The next week she approached me again in front of all the mothers and said my DS smashed her DS face in at school and why haven't I done anything. I replied sorry and said the school hadnt informed but that I would deal with it. I spoke to the school who told me that her son didn't have a mark on him and that the entire class including her son had said my DS did nothing.

So I didn't punish him. She attacked me again screaming and shouting in front of the other mothers that my son had hit her son. At this point I said ok why don't we speak to the teacher together. She backed down pretty quickly and changed her mind. I said fine I'll stop ds playing with your son.

Well when this happened people began talking behind my back with her and stopped their dc playing with ds.
Every day DS would come out of school crying because the boys in school were bullying him with her son being the ring leader.

I spoke to the school and they said they would keep a eye out. A couple of weeks later head approached me to say that ds had been victim to some pretty horrific bullying. Which when I asked ds was carried out by her son and his former friends.

The bullying involved pulling his trousers down, hitting him with sticks and spitting on him.

I have managed to stop the bullying but ds has no friends now. He came out of school crying today because two girls were laughing at him for having no friends.

I want to move his school but this is difficult as dd more severe autism has settled at school with full 1:1. So taking both dc to seperate schools in opposite directions will be hard.

Also I don't want to interrupt his education. Would you move him? he is 8yo btw. I and the school are fairly certain he did not harm her son and I think sadly it's because she works in my doctors surgery and knows I suffer a psychotic illness (that could be me being paranoid).
Also annoyed as his previous best mum who I bump into a lot keeps telling him he can go round for a play date which never materialises. Leaving me dealing with constant questions.
I am scared if I move him he will because of his disabilities find it hard to make new friends in new school and will have his school work disrupted for nothing.

I don't know what to do while ds is not a bully he can sometimes be a bit boisterous owing to his disbabilities.

[Nancy66]

what action did the school take after that horrible bullying incident?

Your poor boy, it sounds thoroughly miserable for him. I would be tempted to move him but you have a difficult situation with your daughter.

The mother you mention sounds like a horrible bully, you need to stop appeasing her. Just refuse to deal with her.

[Meemoll]

Goodness me that sounds awful. I don't know what you should do for the best, but whatever happens this is not your fault and you have done nothing wrong. Do not let her pull you down or question yourself as she sounds like a horrible person.

[Spaceboundeminem]

Thanks both. I believe the school stopped them going on break for the rest of the week. There are only 5 boys including ds in his class so he hasn't got much choice. I have suggested he play with the girls but ds is quite a stereotypical boy and they don't have much in common.

I am able to do two seperate morning school runs by dropping ds off early . It's just the afternoon pick up that's the problem. There is a school right next to ds school but we are out of catchment area. If there is some way of getting him in there I could do the two school runs.

But I am not sure they will accept him.

[whois]

She's a horribly bullying nut job who's doing a good job of passing those traits down to her DS.

The school should be doing more, other people can give you advice on how to get them to take the billing of your DS seriously.

For the mother, don't engage. Just repeated that the school and dealing with school matters and you don't wish to talk to her.

[brotherhoodofspam]

So sorry to hear you and DS are going through this, no words of wisdom, just lots of sympathy. I know how miserable I felt when DD was being bullied. (Also small school with only 3 girls in her class). The mother sounds like a bitch. At least you're onto her now and were able to call her on it last time and will be able to if she tries it again. As far as his friend and play date goes, could you get the ball rolling by adding him round to yours?

[HibiscusIsland]

Is there another class on the year your son could move to? Perhaps one with more boys in it?

[greenfolder]

I would take him out in a heartbeat. Why not go and look at the alternatives to help make you a proper decision

[WooWooOwl]

You might get a space even from out if catchment for an in year transfer, it's worth a try.

[wheresthelight]

Oh my life your poor boy!!

the woman is a complete nut job!

as for the school issue do wither schools run an after school care scheme that you could use?

to be honest if I was in your position I would be livid and moving both kids to a new school but I do understand your dilemma!

I hope you getting sorted

[Purplepoodle]

Would a special school be an option for both your children

[2minsofyourtime]

I would take him out, and I would make it clear to the school that they have failed your child.

[DixieTreats]

I'd move him instantly. Fresh start and to be far away from the mad woman.

Is it ok that she knows about your medical records?? I didn't think that was the case. A fellow parent in my dd year is also a GP at my surgery and I am horrified the whole time that he might know things, even though he's bound by the Hippocratic Oath.

[Spaceboundeminem]

Sorry didn't realise I had more replies. I have asked about a school next door and they said they have no space. So I asked about a school a 5 minute walk away and they said they would accept him on a waiting list.

There is no option to move him to another class as the school only have one class for each year group.