About not "lending" my friend money

[TweedAddict]

A very good friend of mine is struggling money wise at the moment. The friendship has always been rather even and fair, both putting equal effort in. She and her partner don't do shared finances, they have livid together for a few years, she won't ask her partner for money.
So she was moaning to me that she is short for the rent this month, she's been ill, and I was happy to offer the shortfall, a few hundred. I don't expect it back, even though she has offered to pay it back. However she had a expensive day out yesterday, her and her partner, and then she called me asking when I give her the money, no please or thank you. It's left me feeling rather used to be honest, the day out easily would of covered the rent, think theme park then night in 5* spa hotel, I know it's not a prize or gift, it was sorted out after I offered the shortfall in rent. Am I being unreasonable to not give her money now?

[londonrach]

First rule of friendship dont lend money...

[UncrushedParsley]

Difficult...you have promised it now, but I understand your annoyance. I have found myself in a very similar situation recently, but feel obliged, as I have offered. Can't see myself offering again though.

[Pagwatch]

Yep - never lend money. It fucks up friendships.
Weirdly lending money often seems to result in the lendee getting the arse with the person lending them money. I suspect it's a sort of defensive thing , like people cheating get arsy with the partner they are cheating on.
Lend it to her, write it off and never discuss money with her again

[ellenjames]

Cheeky cow
Just say you have had an unexpected bill that needs paying if you don't want to tell her the truth

[TweedAddict]

I never offer money, but as she's close and never really asked before I thought it would be okay

[TweedAddict]

Pagwatch

I think your right there!

[Pagwatch]

I would never have lent money to people I was not close to . Still goes wrong ,

[Heels99]

She Would rather sponge off you than ask partner? Don't get involved and don't lend her the money

[Guiltypleasures001]

Sorry op her priorities are arse about face don't lend her the money what a piss take, and her partner must be blind if he can't see she's short. Or perhaps he knows and is more than happy for her to get a free no pay back loan from you.

You feel shit now, how are you going to feel if she books another jolly after shes pocketed your hard earned cash?

[Pagwatch]

X-posted.
It's sad though isn't it?

[Twitterqueen]

Never ever lend to anyone. It never turns out well. Simply say that you've had to pay a large bill and leave it at that.

[Downtheroadfirstonleft]

Either way, you've lost the friendship. You will resent her financial fecklessness if you do lend her the money, she will resent you for not lending it if you don't.

Probably best not to lend hundreds of pounds to someone you're not friends with anymore. Especially one who prioritises days out, over rent payments or paying back what she owes.

I'm probably bitter, I've been bitten with this one before.

[SoftKittyWarmKitty]

If you haven't given her the money yet, I wouldn't. She needs to prioritise her spending, differentiate between luxuries and essentials, and sort out the finances between her and her partner (not your problem if they don't pool resources and/or he won't give her money). If she then gets arsey, she was never a friend in the first place.

[JumpAndTwist]

No, don't give her the money. Personally, I'd tell her straight "You lied to me. You said you didn't have enough money for the rent but you went on an expensive day out. I can't afford to pay for other people's fancy days out. I thought we were friends, I am hurt that you would do deceive me like this."

If she says her OH paid not her, same difference, you can't afford to pay for him to take her on fancy days out instead of paying her rent. Their management of household bill priorities is not your problem.

[Thumbwitch]

What a cheek!

I've learnt the hard way to never lend money. Looks like you were going to give it to her anyway, which is the only way to help someone out financially (not expecting it back); but she is taking the piss massively!

I would actually pull her up on this and say that you are no longer in a position to be able to lend her the money, sorry.

[Thumbwitch]

And frankly, she needs to reassess her relationship with her partner if she feels she can't tell him that she's having money troubles after being ill, and that she'd sooner sponge off a friend than tell her partner that she's too short this month to pay her (share of?) rent.

[CalamityKate1]

"Oh, sorry, the boilers on the blink and I'm expecting a repair bill soon so I really need to plan for that.....anyway how was Alton Towers and the Ritz?? Lucky you how lovely!"

[LeftRightCentre]

Do NOT give her the money! No, no, no.

And no 'sorry', either.

Just, 'I miscalculated, I don't have it to spare anymore.'

This is akin to throwing money out of a window.

[LeftRightCentre]

No obligation, no promise. You didn't sign anything. She lied to you.

[Viviennemary]

She's got a nerve. Won't ask her partner for money but sponges from you. And then more insults has a day out. Some friend.

[Whatisaweekend]

I would say "ooh sorry - as you had that expensive day out, I assumed that you had sorted out your money worries. I have now earmarked that money for something else so I am unable to lend it to you"

I am sorry that this has happened - she sounds a bit unpleasant with skewed priorities. I am sure you would like an expensive day out yourself, let alone funding someone else's!

[Cric]

Could she have booked and paid for it ages ago?

[HolyQuadrityDrinkFeckArseGirls]

Send her what calamity said, op.
Seriously,