.... to feel worn out by DH's departure (on holiday)

[MarianneSolong]

My partner has recently retired and has - just - gone on a walking holiday with a group.

We have always had different approaches to packing. If I was going away for a few nights, I'd just pack a nightie, toothbrush, two changes of clothing etc. He likes to feel that everything he might possibly need will be there, and gets very worked up about assembling it all So he'll pack his dressing gown and slippers, as well as pyjamas. That sort of thing.

So a lot of fretting about weather forecasts, different kinds of clothing over the last few days. They're doing their own breakfasts and he said he'd have to go to the corner shop first thing this morning and buy a bottle of semi-skimmed for tea, and another of full-fat for cereal. (I said, 'Wouldn't it be a bit simpler to have one kind of milk for both - just while you're away.) This might sound micro-managing of me, but he tells me everything he's going to do - rather than just getting on with it. I try to minimise his getting in a state before departure, by trying to point out ways things could be made simpler.

This morning his fussing before going felt non-stop. Would I need the nail scissors? If not could he pack them? That short of thing.

It came to a head with the dental floss. Was I hiding a spare packet somewhere in our bedroom? Because though he'd bought several packets, there was only one in the bathroom. (I looked in our room, then in the open cabinet where there was a single opened packet. Then I looked in the bathroom cabinet that has a door. There were two unopened packs there.) I pointed this out to my husband, who said - 'Well you didn't find them straightaway, did you?' He then asked, 'Shall I take the opened packet or one of the new ones?' To which I replied, 'I don't bloody care!'

He promptly said, 'I'm leaving,' and stormed off in the car without saying goodbye.

I think this was just more pre-holiday nerves on his part. But I feel a bit fed up....

[Mouthfulofquiz]

Blimey! Even as someone who likes to be prepared for all eventualities this was a bit extreme!! I expect you need a rest after all that.
My DH drives me insane by being the exact opposite though. He could be going to climb Everest and he'd just pack a football shirt and a pair of flip flops...

[Idontseeanysontarans]

I feel for you, DH works away quite a bit both in this country and abroad - the preparations are as intense as they can get, the last time you would think he was packing for an Arctic adventure not 3 days in Germany in the height of Summer...
I just let him get on with it with a 'yes dear' in all honesty, it's one thing he can't change about himself - he's just a fussy bugger!

[Idontseeanysontarans]

He goes to America for a week later on this year. I plan to buy earplugs for the night before he flies...

[MarianneSolong]

I am wondering whether it might help to get him packing up about 24 hours in advance, to try and diminish the last minute dramas.

Last night I was trying to change the duvet - because it had got cold - and he kept wandering around trying to pack, getting in the way and treading on the bedding.

Then this morning he was packing up bathroom stuff at the time I'd normally have a shower, and kitchen stuff when I wanted to clear breakfast things.

Or timetable him packing slots, so I could keep out of the way. Or suggest he buys a complete set of going away toiletriess which are kept separately......

Or else I go away till he's gone!

[Littlef00t]

We have a set of travel toiletries that are kept in the soap bag ready. Certainly saves stress, it's not like they go off.

[BiddyPop]

If he's going to go on a lot of trips, now that he is retired, a separate set of travelling toiletries might be a good idea.

In our case, both DH and I have had periods over the years of needing to travel for work (sometimes overnight, sometimes up to a month!). And we also travel to our parents for weekends regularly (now about every 6-7 weeks, it used to be monthly before DD and when she was still pre-schooler). So both of us, and DD, have a washbag that we repack when we get home. Always has the basics in it. We can grab and go if need be (either unexpected work trip or dash home from work on Friday and need to be on the road in an hour to the folks). Or we can add to it for bigger events, or grab the airline sized bits and pop in a plastic bag (we keep proper see through bags with regular washbags) for flights. I have my makeup in mine, and the makings of a home facial/spa in a small Ziploc I can add in easily if the opportunity may arise. DH always puts in a clean facecloth, as they are not always provided and he is fussy about that. DD keeps badger balm and a nightlight in hers to help her get to sleep (not always used, but she feels better having them). And we all keep enough for a weekend of our own relevant meds in our own bags too.

Also, and this might help reduce the fretting. When he's in "planning mode", he should write everything down that he needs. Then he can just tick it off as he packs, and he can move on to the next step (say kitchen) if you need the bathroom when he gets to that step - but you won't make him forget stuff by losing track of his train of thought if he has it written down. You can get ready made tick-lists and templates on the internet and in nice stationary shops now.

[Viviennemary]

My DH also drives me totally insane re holidays. He talks about the new socks he is going to buy which t-shirts he's taking ya de ya de ya. Who cares. I don't want to know. And as for the holiday he has already started going on about next year's and we've not long got back from this years. Shut Up. Nothing really to give excejpt my deepest sympathy. Great idea of separate bag for holiday toiletries.

[StillSquirrelling]

Agree - a pre-packed washbag is a must! DH has one that he is responsible for, I have my own (that also contains travel meds - Calpol sachets etc) and there's also one that the three kids share. It's one less thing to worry about - we can just chuck the three washbags in a suitcase and know we have all we need in the way of toiletries. If your DH is fannying about with things like dental floss and nail scissors then buy some spares and keep them in a washbag ready too!

[ILovedYouYesterday]

I read your first paragraph and thought this woman is married to my DH's long lost twin! He's got to have everything he could possibly need in every eventuality with him wherever he goes otherwise the world will implode or something!

Mine makes long lists and ticks them off as he packs (he has a master list on his computer which is altered for specific trips and printed off!) He starts packing about a week before so I have to endure a massive open suitcase in the bedroom which gets added to on a daily basis. But it probably does stop last minute dramas.

A few years ago, we went to a family reunion thing in a hotel. Two nights. On the day we were coming home, I offered to pack the car while DH took the DC to the pool, thinking I got the better deal. Wrong! His suitcase was bigger than mine and all three DC's together and I was almost crying by the time I got it in the car - it was a wheeled one but it still almost killed me dragging it there. You'd have thought the man was preparing for the zombie armageddon not two nights in a hotel in Derbyshire!

I refuse to have anything to do with his luggage ever again!

[Hoppinggreen]

My DH just picks up his passport and wallet and heads for the door.
Then spends the entire holiday asking why I haven't packed xyz!!

[MrsWinnibago]

My God just refuse to get involved! How maddening!

My DH just packs. If I started suggesting which milk he took he'd likely think I'd gone bonkers.

[MarianneSolong]

I think it went pear-shaped because more normally we'd be going on holiday together, so I'd have a vested interest in at least part of the packing. When he was at work he'd occasionally go for conferences in hotels etc - and then I'd sometimes be called upon to advise on which ties and shirts went with which jackets. But that was quite limited and doable.

I suspect - if this doesn't sound daft - he was more nervous than usual, because this was a new trip to an unfamiliar place with people he knows via a walking group, but hasn't been away with before. If you're basically a bit shy/introverted such things - though probably worth attempting - can feel like something you have to make yourself do.

Part of me would quite like a walking trip away for a few days myself. But I'm not retired and there's a 17 year old here, to keep half an eye on. So I'm fed up, not just with all the fussing, but with his then storming off in a huff.

However, other people's stories are helping me to get it all in a bit more perspective!

[Surfsup1]

That would drive me mental!!
It would be helpful if he could come to our house when we packing to go away to a wedding though - we seem to forget something crucial EVERY time! Once we managed to forget the suit bag that had DH's suit as well as my dress and we were flying then sailing to a wedding on an island!! Jeepers that was one to get the heart pumping!!

[MrsWinnibago]

Ah his nerves sound like a good explanation Marianne I hope he has a good time though...I'm sure he will...I'm introverted and get a bit loopy before I have to go and mix.

[jessplussomeonenew]

I hope this isn't the sort of walking holiday where people have to carry all their stuff as they walk!

[doziedoozie]

My retirement age DH has turned into a fusspot worrier. Utter pia,
I seem to be going the other way, nothing seems worth getting panicked about, especially in this day and age - just go to Boots for anything you've forgotten (or if in exotic climes, the local blackmarket chemist).

[Orangeanddemons]

I'm like this. I have to be prepared for every eventuality. Otherwise I feel physically sick. I also have packing phobia...I'm sure the 2 are linked. My head just swims and I get anxious when ever I think about packing.

[skylark2]

" Or suggest he buys a complete set of going away toiletries which are kept separately......"

I take the kids away to do sport at least once a month. It's so much easier since I did this. They live in their own little washbag in the rucksack I always take.

[TheFirstOfHerName]

My DH is the opposite. He leaves his packing until the last five minutes before leaving, and his mental list is:
1 pair of shorts
2 t-shirts
Underwear
Toothbrush
Deodorant
Shower gel
Razor

That's it. He has been known to just bung it all into a supermarket carrier bag. On a recent holiday to Wales, he forgot the underwear.

[FryOneFatManic]

I even have a separate washbag for use when going swimming, makes it easier to grab and go.

[FunkyBoldRibena]

I used to go away with work all the time, so got a set of stuff that I need and keep it separate - which means even now I always have two toothbrushes on holiday as the OH thinks I've forgotten mine and brings it anyway.

[MarianneSolong]

Spouse took 1 rucksack (about 60L) full to the top, 1 daypack type rucksack (also filled) and a large carrier bag - the kind you have to pay for with canvas handles - full of provisions. This was for a three night stay in the UK in good quality rented accommodation in a place with a village shop, and where dinner would be eaten at the pub each night.

He was due to be taking at least a couple of people in the car, and was worried about whether there'd be room for their luggage.

I am not sure I can do much about his need to pack a great deal- but think I should be able to suggest ways of making the process of packing less stressful for me. Since he retired I've noticed I find mornings difficult at times. He used to be out soon after 7.30, and if he is agitated and all over the place while I'm trying to get on with my usual routines, this can be a recipe for trouble!

[wobblyweebles]

I think you married my stepdad. I am sorry.

:-)

[Icimoi]

My DH always works himself up into a thoroughly bad temper when we go on holiday, to the extent that it's quite normal for us to spend the journey not on speaking terms. Once when we were travelling quite a long way I was quite determined that there would be nothing he could stress about and worked till 4 a.m making sure that all the packing was done and all that needed to happen would be to load everything including the DC into the car, pick up our passports and go.

The one thing I forgot was to check that DH had his passport safe. Cue loads of stamping around and shouting the next day as if it was everyone else's fault that he couldn't find it. At one point I asked whether he'd checked the hall table and got shouted at again. We got close to the point when I thought we were going to miss the plane and I decided I'd just check the hall table myself. Guess what I found?

[Johnogroats]

We are fairly chaotic packers when it comes to family holidays. Usually everything goes in, but TWICE I have forgotten to pack any pants for myself.